Did you ever notice how much I talk about carbs?
It’s true.
It comes from my parents. In Jersey, where my mom’s from; and Pennsylvania, my dad’s home state, instead of biscuits for breakfast, them Yankees eat something called hard rolls. They’re delightful little carb bombs; soft and pillow-y on the inside, with a crispy crunchy crust. Eaten fresh, you break them apart and schmear them with lots of butter.
My dad tells a funny, sweet story about them.
Before he met and married my mom, he was a young Coast Guardsman stationed in Elizabeth City. This was the first time he’d lived in the south. One Saturday morning he hitched a ride from the base to the town’s only bakery.
He walked in looking for a taste of home. He asked the counter girl, “Do you have hard rolls?”
The young woman looked at him with sad eyes and replied, “No shug, but we do have day-old bread.”
It’s still pretty difficult to find hard rolls in NC. But, as far as comfort foods go, they’re close to perfect. Some days you just need hard rolls and a bucket of butter.
The square rolls sold at Costco, and most baguettes come close. Freeze them, and when needed, run them under cold water and stick ‘em in a 350 degree oven for 13 minutes. The flavors and textures are almost indistinguishable from the magic that is a hard roll.
So yeah, I guess I love me some carbs—it’s in my DNA. Even now, every other weekend The Kid and I go to Caffe Driade in Chapel Hill. I get their frothy, delicious hot chocolate, my child has a pot of French press, and we split a fresh crusty baguette with butter and strawberry jam. 
But my oldest (and I mean old literally–that wench went to kindergarten with Nefertiti; plus I’ve known her for 38 years) girlfriend Bo called last week, and pointed out something to me—I rarely show diabetics any love.
If you’re not familiar with the disease, it’s not only sugar that’s dangerous, it’s also carbs. Once they’re eaten, it takes almost no time for your body to turn carbohydrates into sugar.
The American Diabetes Association recommends 135-230 grams of carbohydrates per day. But there is new thinking about this. Many doctors now recommend only 20-50 grams per day. For many people, this alone can keep them off insulin shots.
This is my friend Bo’s lot. Every carb is counted. So, starches such as potatoes, rice, and pasta are verboten.
And bread.
But…
I found, on a website called Diet Doctor, a recipe for bread that only has two carbs per serving. The more uncommon ingredients can be procured online.
The Low-Carb Bread
1¼ cups almond flour
5 tablespoons ground psyllium husk powder
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon sea salt
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar
1¼ cups boiling water
3 egg whites
Sesame seeds
Preheat oven to 350°F. Mix dry ingredients in a bowl.
Bring water to boil and add it, vinegar and egg whites to bowl, while beating with hand mixer for about 30 seconds. Don’t over-mix dough, the consistency should resemble Play-Doh.
Moisten hands and form dough into 4 or 8 pieces of bread. You can also make hot dog or hamburger buns. Place on a greased baking sheet.
Bake on lower rack in oven for 50–60 minutes, depending on the size of your bread. They’re done when you hear a hollow sound when tapping the bottom of the bun.
Serve with butter and toppings of choice. Store in fridge or freezer. Makes 6 servings.
I really admire my bud. Bo is impressive for many reasons, but swearing off carbs boggles my mind. My two favorite foods are potato salad and birthday cake. If I had to give them up, I know myself.
Best.Cake.Ever.
I’d become the crankiest serial killer ever.
Thanks for your time.
Petey and I have been married for over 33 years. On average I cook six meals a week (that’s 5616 meals). For the first 15 years of marriage though, I probably only cooked four times a week (3120).
That’s a grand total of 8736 meals (you would not believe how difficult that simple bit of math was for me—and I was using a calculator).
I was desperate for a new song for my tired, boring veggies to waltz to.
2 ½ cups frozen vegetable
You can also switch out the sweet component, and the spices. I have used maple syrup, jam, brown sugar, sorghum, and even reduced root beer. As for spices, nutmeg, Chinese five spice, and pumpkin pie spice all work. You can mix and match to your family’s taste and what’s in your pantry. No need to go buy something special, just work with what you have on hand.
2 pounds carrots, peeled and cut into similar sized pieces
Thanks for your time.
Caution: The following is written not by my normal, Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, Pollyanna self. This space has been taken over by my cranky, sarcastic twin who is pretending to be me.
There’s this food show on TV that I watch pretty often. I’ll not name names, but it’s a basic cable cooking program hosted by a man who has supposedly been cooking professionally for thirty-five years, is a wine expert, a culinary instructor, and school executive.
This man must imagine himself the master of Socratic teaching. Socrates taught by challenging his students with questions. An awesome, effective tactic if you’re all sitting around a Corinthian column engaging in some verbal give and take in Greek.
A chyron is that little caption thingy superimposed on the bottom of the TV screen—think sports scores or school closings on your local news. It’s a tactic heavily used on this show.
The man fancies himself an authority on a healthy diet and lifestyle.
And if they can send a man to the moon why can’t they cure the common cold? And why do fools fall in love?
They say dogs are incapable of experiencing embarrassment. So putting a sign around the misbehaving pooch’s neck with a “confession” for the consumption of the internet set is a colossal, mean-spirited waste of time.
But when it comes to corned beef, I am decidedly canine. I could eat my weight of it in front of the queen, and feel nothing but satisfaction. I could proudly down a Reuben roughly the size and shape of a dorm fridge while chatting with international amazing humans, George and Amal Clooney.
So today, in honor of the upcoming holiday, I thought I would share with you, Gentle Reader, my version of a side dish that is even more appropriate and traditional than corned beef at the Saint Patrick’s Day feast.
When the Irish came to America, they discovered rather than a luxury, canned corned beef (also called bully beef) was cheap food to fill hungry bellies.
Cut bacon into one-inch strips and cook in a skillet on medium-low until fully rendered and perfectly crispy.
After bacon has finished, remove from frying pan, but keep in the fat. Slice onion into thin half-moons. Turn skillet to medium-low and add onions and season. When the onions start to turn golden, add cabbage, season, and cook until the veg are amber colored.
Serves 6-8 diners.
Thanks for your time.
No matter where, or when, if I’m eating out and there are Eggs Benedict on the menu, I order it. And I always ask for extra Hollandaise.
What do these facts say about me?/about/Homemade-Mayonnaise-Recipe-56a8d3655f9b58b7d0f57c0d.jpg)
The info on this sauce is all over the place. It was either invented in the 1600’s or maybe the 1700’s. Hollandaise is named for the region in Netherlands, either because it was invented there, or because Holland has the best eggs and butter, which are the two main ingredients.
Long ago, my mom belonged to a book club. Not the kind where you sit around in somebody’s living room drinking pinot and discussing the latest Oprah pick. Books came in the mail.
Years later, Mom gave it to me. I had no idea that the author was considered one of this country’s all-time best food writers. I also didn’t have a clue that one day I would be a food writer myself. But, as an extreme novice in the kitchen, I took help and inspiration wherever I found it.
Makes 4 servings.
Like Craig says, the sauce goes great on veggies, fish, and eggs. But I love it on fried, boneless, skinless chicken breasts and it’s crazy good on any type of pasta.
Thanks for your time.
First things first—do you know what farro is?
Now, about the varied types.
To cook farro, I rinse it under cold running water first. Then I put it in a saucepan using a ratio of one part farro to three parts liquid, either water or stock. I add a glug of olive oil, a big pinch of kosher salt and a little pinch of freshly cracked black pepper.
3 ½ cups raw baby spinach
You can also turn this into hot cereal. Make the farro with skim milk or soy or almond milk, and instead of salt, pepper, and olive oil, use a small pinch of salt, a couple teaspoons of vanilla, and some nutmeg. Then dress each bowl with honey or maple syrup, and some fresh or dried fruits and maybe some nuts.
Thanks for your time.
Very early in the year, the budding chefs took a class called, “Introduction to culinary”. The instructor was one of The Kid’s all-time favorite teachers, Chef Emma.
By this point, it was pretty obvious that Chef Emma was enjoying herself a little more than she should have been. “What do you think? Does this sauce taste familiar?”
These offspring of the green mountain state were not on the horns of a saucy dilemma. But the rest of the class was extremely uncomfortable. They didn’t know it yet, but they all had the same thought about this mother sauce. They were just afraid to sound silly.
Yup. That go-to lunch of American children since the 1930’s, Beefaroni; which was invented by a classically trained chef, Hector Boiardi.
2-3 ounces salt pork
It’s just consumed in cans of mushy pasta by hordes of little kids.
When you have a new puppy, you must socialize them with other dogs and humans as much as possible. And if you have a large breed pooch, it’s even more important. A sofa-sized dog is already pretty intimidating—it’s the responsibility of the owner to make sure his size is the only thing scary about him
Like I said; shameless.
Those children jumped back as if I’d offered them a basket full of bubonic plague wrapped in uranium. The older boy actually put his arm over his face. “We can’t! We’re all allergic!”
What do you do if you don’t want a pet and the kids won’t stop begging?
My own father ran a multi-year con on me.
To make sure my brother and I didn’t go hog wild with our Christmas lists, my mom told us that they had to send Santa a check. Every parent sent a little extra so poor children could get something, and if we got too greedy they’d get nothing.
One mom I knew told her kids that it was illegal for people under the age of eighteen to eat red M&M’s, so hand ‘em over.
Which is I guess, why the two lies I tried to tell my own child were judged laugh riots. But to my thinking, they were extremely credible.
Lie number two, trotted out for the first time when The Kid was in middle school: Give me the phone! I’m calling the adoption bus to come pick you up!
“If you are a bride, a business girl, career wife, or a mother whose children are away from home—this book is for you.”
One was a Puerto Rican cookbook and the other tome was ‘Betty Crocker’s New Dinner for Two Cook Book” published by Golden Press. They’re also the publisher of Little Golden Books, and those books are half the reason both The Kid and I are unapologetic book worms.
The reason for this manic level of caution is a parasitic party crasher named trichinella, which causes trichinosis. This roundworm can make you the kind of sick wherein you pray for the sweet release of death.
Many of the recipes were needlessly heavy and rich. In future columns, I plan to convert some of these recipes to something less processed, tastier, and healthier.
Bake 8-10 more minutes, or until barely set and browned around the edges. Let sit 15 minutes then cut into 16 pieces. Remove from pan after cooling completely.
When I was in junior high, cosmetics were a pretty simple affair. I had a couple bottles of nail polish, one lip gloss in strawberry, one in bubblegum, and one very highly prized cake of purple eye shadow. And my collection was not unlike those of most pubescent girls.
Now twelve-year-olds have their own You Tube channels where they offer makeup tutorials. These children, using stuff like primers, BB and CC creams, highlighting and lowlighting, sculpt their faces to look like glowing alabaster Erté statues.
On the menu is tender, unctuous pork belly, rice pilaf with mushrooms, and spectacularly garlicky haricot verts (that’s green beans, y’all)
Mushrooms:
For the past few visits to Trader Joe’s, The Kid and I have been ogling their pork belly. It’s fully cooked, which is great because cooking belly from Jump Street takes a long time. And it’s only about 6 bucks or so for a piece large enough for two. I finally succumbed and picked up one.
On the same trip I grabbed a bag of their fresh haricot vert. They come ready to cook (BTW-they’re pretty tasty raw, as well). I laid them into a non-stick frying pan with a couple tablespoons of water, a tablespoon of butter, ½ teaspoon of chicken base, 4 minced cloves of garlic, salt and pepper.
As long as it’s camouflaging a quick weeknight meal so that it looks like a fancy labor-intensive dinner, that is.
bull city mom 