An almost free lunch

You know, I’m really proud of The Kid.At work, my child is within walking distance of at least twenty really outstanding restaurants.  It would take no effort at all to spend $200 a week on lunches.

But The Kid only goes out for lunch two or three times a month.  My frugal, sensible, little worker bee is a charter member of the brown bag club.

Actually, it’s a box–this box, in fact.  Ain’t my child special?

Sunday is spent preparing large batches of grub which are split up and frozen.  The newest addition is a dish using a spaghetti squash.

So here, in The Kid’s own words is that recipe, along with a little lunch box advice.

Spaghetti Squash bake

spag-squash2 Spaghetti squashes

3Tbs Capers

1C Spaghetti Sauce

2 cans canellini beans, rinsed.

1lb mushrooms, sliced

3 cloves garlic, minced

1/2 onion, small diced

¼ c Parmesan cheese, grated

¼ c white wine

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

 Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Slice squashes into rings, remove seeds and center. Put onto lined baking sheets and brush both sides with olive oil and season with salt and pepper. When oven is up to temp, bake squash for 40 minutes, or until a knife can easily pierce the rings.Let the squash until it is cool until it is able to be handled. Then remove the peel, and delicately break into strands. It will want to break apart on its own, so just follow how it wants to fall. Put the strands into a mixing bowl, and set aside.

Heat a pan to medium. When hot, add a splash of canola oil and add onion to pan. Season with salt and stir occasionally. When it gets soft and translucent, add garlic, and season. When the garlic gets fragrant, add mushrooms, and heavily season with salt. Stir occasionally, and cook until mushrooms are caramelized. Add wine, and cook until pan is dry. 

When mushrooms are done, add to bowl with the squash with beans, capers, and sauce.

Transfer mixture to a 8X8 baking pan and top with cheese. Bake for twenty minutes, and then put under the high broiler until cheese has color.Throw it in the fridge. Once cool, slice into servings, and put into separate containers. Freeze all portions not to be eaten in the next couple days.

*Biggest thing about lunches; have lots of options in the freezer. That way it’s super easy and you don’t have to eat the same thing until it’s gone.

While my child may be an expert on the art of carrying meals to work, I’ve become pretty proficient in healthy snacks, either at home or on the road.

I always keep a bag of nuts, seeds, and dried fruit in the fridge.  I love the salty/sweet and crunchy/chewy contrast.  It’s also great to sprinkle in salads or hot cereal.  Right now my mix is mainly cherries, strawberries, cashews, and almonds.I’m also fond of raw veggies and dip.  Buy whole and cut them to your own desired shape.  For dips, try hummus, whipped low-fat cream cheese with herbs or hot sauce mixed in, or nut butters.  I love carrots dipped into peanut butter.  But for the love of all that’s delicious, please don’t use those bagged “baby” carrots.  They’re just whittled-down regular carrots sprayed with chemicals.

The weather’s getting cooler every day.  Take some tuneage, a book, and your homemade lunch outside and enjoy your break.  At home, grab the kids, some snacks, and go for a walk or climb a tree.

There will be no rescue squad to save you.

*Any injuries sustained during aforementioned tree climbing are solely the responsibility of the climber and in no way the fault of the well-meaning food columnist.

Thanks for your time.

 

Please don’t judge me before you judge the salad

I had an awful time deciding on this week’s topic.I knew what I wanted to write about, but I was hesitant to do it.  It’s not that the recipe isn’t tasty because it.so.is.  It’s not that the preparation is difficult, because literally a child (with a little adult supervision) could make this dish.   And it’s not that it requires a lot of expensive ingredients, because chances are you have everything on hand right now.

No, the problem is that on the face of it, this recipe not only seems heavy, it also seems very plain—even boring.  How could these few ingredients combine to make something tasty?

I’m here now to tell you I have no idea how it does, either.  I think it’s some kind of gestalt thing; you know, ‘the whole is greater than the sum of its parts’.

But every time I make a bowl of this stuff I think that I really need to give you, Gentle Reader, this recipe.  I love it so much that I’ve felt guilty not spilling the beans to you.  Petey loves it, and The Kid, who wasn’t crazy about an earlier version, can’t get enough of it.

There we are…we rent the other two kids to round out the table.

So, The Kid’s coming for dinner tomorrow night and I’m serving it, along with some herbed potatoes and a new preparation of pork cubed steak.  It was the first time I’ve used cornmeal to crust meat.

But enough with the beating around the bush.  The dish I’ve been rhapsodizing about is broccoli salad.  See? I told you it didn’t sound very exciting.  But gosh it is good.

A few tips about making it, though.

Cut the broccoli into very small florets.  Small as in three florets would be bite-size.  And when you add the hot water to thin the dressing, make it as hot as your faucet gets, and whisk it in very well.  You are basically making an emulsion, and you don’t want it to separate after you’ve mixed it into the salad; that’s not appetizing.

Broccoli/Bacon Salad

broc-salad

8 cups broccoli cut into very small florets

4 slices bacon, cooked until crispy, reserving ¼ cup bacon grease

1 cup mayonnaise

2/3 cups finely shredded Parmesan. Divided

Very hot water, aprox. ½ cup

Salt and pepper

Cut broccoli into small pieces and place into a large bowl.  Add half the cheese, and gently toss.

Make dressing.  Mix mayo, bacon grease, and half the cheese.  Whisk together.  Add enough hot water to make it the consistency of thick pancake batter.  Season, taste, and re-season if necessary. 

Pour dressing over broccoli and mix until veg is coated.  Crumble bacon into salad and stir in.  Cover and refrigerate.  It’s better after twelve hours or so, and lasts 4 days in fridge.Makes 8 servings.

I haven’t found anything that doesn’t go well with this salad.  It packs up great for picnics, as long as you can keep a chill on it.  It’s terrific as a potluck too, because it doesn’t look very exciting, then you taste it.  It’s the sleeper cell of side dishes.

Tomorrow we’re having it with that cornmeal crusted pork cubed steak I talked about.  It’s really easy, with a big flavor payoff.

Cornmeal crusted cubed pork: Four to six hours before cooking make a three-part dredge of seasoned flour, non-fat buttermilk, and self-rising cornmeal.  Crust the pork in that order.  Place on parchment paper covered plate, cover with another piece of parchment (so there is no stickage), seal with plastic wrap and refrigerate until cooking time.When you’re ready to cook, heat a heavy skillet on medium-high.  Add about 1 inch of vegetable oil.  When the oil is nice and hot, cook pork until browned and crispy on one side then flip and cook the other side.

Petey likes his with a piece of provolone melted on top.  The Kid and I like a spritz of lemon juice.  They also make a great filling for hearty sandwiches.

And while the salad is definitely not spa food, there is only about 300 calories per one cup serving.  My trouble comes in limiting it to that one cup.  I promise you, this stuff is amazing (and so tempting).

Thanks for your time.

To each his herb

Last week I talked about spices, and warm flavors.This week it’s herbs, and cooler flavors.

Fresh herbs are always best, but sometimes you don’t have the luxury.  There’s some dried thyme, as well as oregano and dill in my spice cabinet in case of emergencies.   But because those dried herbs can quickly lose their mojo, keep dried herbs no more than six months (label the bottle with date you brought it home).  rolled-herbs

To keep the fresh herbs longer, you’ve got two choices.  Either lay out about 6 pieces of paper towel on the counter.  Spritz the paper with cold water.  Then set a bunch down, and roll.  After that bunch is covered, lay down another bunch.  Roll, then lay another bunch, and so on.  When all the herbs are wrapped up, spritz the paper bundle, and place in a large zip top bag.  Refrigerate.

You second choice is easier but you don’t get quite as long a shelf life.  Trim the ends off the herbs.  Fill a tall glass with water, and place in the trimmed herbs like flowers in a vase.  Change water daily.

“Rosemary for remembrance”.  I’ve grown rosemary since Uncle Will, my honorary grandfather, died when The Kid was two.  I bought one very hardy, low maintenance Mediterranean variety which is now a large shrub outside my front doors.  It’s both fragrant and ornamental—many places use it for landscaping. rosemary-basilBasil is a soft leafy herb with that distinctive, fennel/licorice flavor.  It’s a staple in Italian foods.

I like to heat two cups of extra virgin olive oil and add a big handful of each herb.  Before adding the herbs I roll them between my hands to bring out the oils.  I then let the herbs steep until it cools.  I strain it and store it, covered, in the fridge.  This oil is great for dipping bread into.  It’s also good brushed on meat before grilling.  And if you’re not big on red sauce on pizza, brush a little of this aromatic oil on it, then arrange your toppings.

I make a paste of fresh thyme, lemon zest, Parmesano Reggiano, smashed fresh garlic, olive oil, and salt and pepper.  I either crust a pork tenderloin with it or smear some under chicken or turkey skin. lemon-thyme-pasteQuite a few years ago my mom developed an allergy to eggs, and from then on, left them out of the potato salad.

I discovered I liked it better without eggs, so I made it that way, as well.  Only I added fresh dill and flat-leaf parsley.

I made it one night when we were visiting family friend Chef Chrissy.  When I served it, Chrissy mentioned that it was a little ‘passive’.  I think that was a nice way of saying boring.  Then Chrissy’s dad, Bear tried it.  He informed me that it was the best tater salad he’d ever eaten.  So from then on it was called…

Passive-aggressive potato saladpassive-potato-salad

8 medium-size red or Yukon gold potatoes, boiled to fork tender, cooled, peeled and cubed

½ yellow onion, diced

3 tablespoons each parsley and dill, chopped finely

4 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided

1-1½ cups Hellmann’s mayo

Salt and pepper to taste

Place cooked, cubed potatoes in large bowl.  Add onions and herbs, drizzle in 2 tablespoons oil and toss.

Starting with 1 cup, stir in mayo.  If you need more, add more.  Season, taste, and re-season if necessary. Cover and let sit at room temp for 1 hour.

Right before service, stir in last 2 tablespoons oil.Serves 4-6.

When using fresh herbs in cooking, the later you add them, the fresher the flavor will be.  And always hold a little back, to sprinkle on the finished dish.  If only you could perk up your own life the same way…Thanks for your time.

Scenes from the life of an athlete

So Petey was watching a football double feature last night.  That’s right folks, six uninterrupted hours of genetic lottery winners wearing tight pants (both players and corresponding cheerleaders), interspersed with ads for alcoholic beverages, bedroom medicines, and expensive automobiles that shout to all and sundry, “Look at my fast, powerful motor car!  I have no need for bedroom medicines!”  I can happily consume hours of Sharknado movies and marathons of RuPaul’s Drag Race or any of the Star Trek franchises.  But a double feature of football seems like an intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Don’t get me wrong.  Even though I didn’t fully understand the Byzantine regulations of football until my twenties, I’m a sports fan, with a long and storied history of athletics.

Age 4: My big brother discovers in me an ability so prodigious and profound it almost qualifies as a superpower.

One day, being the kind of pest only a four-year-old kid sister can be, I’d been begging and pleading to be included in a touch football game.  Permission is granted on the condition that I catch one pass thrown to me.   Shocking everyone present, including myself, I pluck the ball out of the sky, as well as everything else thrown in my direction that day.  I become my brother’s performing seal and cash cow, as he wagers on my skills with those unfamiliar with my freakish feats of hand-eye coordination.

This uncanny catching ability stays with me until middle age when my eyesight starts to go, and fear of a broken hip keeps me from the daredevil jumps and dives of my youth.  Though to this day, I’ve no patience for obscenely rich professional athletes dropping passes thrown by other obscenely rich professional athletes.  Although to be perfectly honest I never tried to lay hands on a ball while being threatened by numerous 300-pounders being paid obscene amounts to flatten me into the Astroturf. Still though, c’mon!

Age 7: I discover my sport of choice; softball, when I play on an undefeated team, the Stripers (which my big brother finds hilarious to pronounce ‘Strippers’).  My catching ability is very useful in my position at shortstop, but my lack of speed when running is a handicap which becomes humiliatingly apparent when I’m on first base; a teammate hits a home run, and then passes me running to second.

Fun fact: If a base runner is passed by the player from the base behind her, both players are called out.  As in, two outs from the same mortifying play.

fullsizerender
Ladies and Gentlemen, my father.  And that glass in front of him contains only water–really.

My poor father’s driven to distraction trying to coach a little more speed from me.  After numerous, failed attempts, he devises a tactic in which he mock-chases me around the house waving a bat and bellowing.  Watching my 6’4” dad, whose lurching movements resemble a dancing, drunken, half-stuffed scarecrow chase me around the house becomes a neighborhood amusement.  Each evening, families gather on porches to watch the spectacle.  Together, Dad and I are responsible for fostering new bonds of family and friendship along our street.Ages 17-30: Having lived around oceans growing up, I am familiar with undertows and how to navigate them.  I revel in swimming straight out as far as possible, resting a bit, then leisurely swimming back to shore.  While I adore this activity, Petey spends the entire time I’m in the drink composing the phone call to my parents to explain my disappearance into international shipping lanes, death by drowning, or dismemberment by shark.

Age 30-present: I walk the dog; sometimes for tens of minutes.

Yup, that’s me, walking the dog.

Thanks for your time.

Contact me at d@bullcity.mom.

For the love of all that’s tasty

I’m afraid my topic this week may throw some people into a full-on tizzy.  Knickers will be twisted and pearls will be clutched.

My opinion isn’t going to be very popular.  It’s akin to saying cats are inherently evil and don’t belong on the internet, and texting is a pernicious activity and taking us down the road to illiteracy.

So, here it is.

Contrary to starry eyed cooks/poets, you absolutely do not taste the love in someone’s food.  I’d much rather eat food cooked by a fantastic chef that didn’t know me from Adam, than badly cooked grub by someone who’s madly in love with me.  *But there is a caveat; cooking with love of the food itself, and the process of cooking—those motivations are a delicious game-changer.

A.Big.Fat.Lie.

By the time I was a child-bride, I thought I could cook well enough to keep Petey and I alive.  I was especially proud of something I made when it was almost time to go grocery shopping, called desperation casserole.  I would take whatever cans of stuff I found in my dwindling larder, mix them together and bake it.  It was a gustatory Russian roulette.

Sometimes it was, if not tasty, at least edible.  Sometimes, not so much.

One night Petey and I sat down to dinner and took a bite.  Without speaking, we put down our forks, and went out and got in the car to go to Mickey D’s.  At this time town was a thirty minute drive—each way, which can give you hint as to how truly awful that particular casserole was.

More than thirty years later, we still talk about that horrible, horrible dinner.

One of the best foods in the history of food.

The night I cooked that casserole, I was a nineteen-year-old bride still in the honeymoon phase.  I put so much love in that food it was almost visible.  It wasn’t possible to add a teaspoon more.  If love really did improve the flavor of food, it should have been the tastiest thing since blue bubblegum ice cream.  But rarely in the history of putting fire to food has there been a more unpalatable dish; and I’m counting organ meats, coconut, and raspberries.

It didn’t matter.  The love with which I made that dinner made not one iota of difference.  Even the greasy fast food prepared by anonymous hands we ate that night was better by a factor of at least one thousand.

Too bad I didn’t have the knowledge then that I do now.  Now my pantry is deeper, and there is logic to the food in the house.  But with just a few of the ingredients that I always keep on hand, I could have made a pretty tasty desperation casserole.

Honeymoon desperation casserole1 yellow onion, chopped

2 tablespoons butter

1 teaspoon dried thyme

¼ cup white wine

¼ cup flour

1 ½ cups chicken stock

½ cup 2% or skim milk

2 cups white and dark chicken meat from a rotisserie chicken

2 cups frozen peas and carrots, thawed

6 raw biscuits, homemade, or from a mix or can

1 tablespoon cream

Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350.

Heat large, oven-safe skillet (cast iron is best) on medium.  Melt butter, add thyme, then sauté onions until the moisture has been released, cooked out, and they’re beginning caramelize.  Pour in wine, and let it cook out.

Whisk flour into onions and let cook for 2-3 minutes.  Stir in stock and milk.  Continue stirring until the gravy comes to boil.  Season with salt and pepper, taste, and adjust if needed.

Gently mix in chicken and vegetables.  Smooth top and evenly place raw biscuits on top.  Brush with cream, then sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Bake 30 minutes, or until biscuits are golden, and sauce is bubbly.  Serves 6.

You know, to this day, no matter how hard I try, I cannot remember what was actually in that misbegotten bowl of mess I tried to pass off as food.  I think my brain is trying to protect me the same way it would in any other massive trauma.But it taught me a very important lesson: Love is great, but even so-so take-out is better than dreck.

Thanks for your time.

Tasting your temperature-Part 1

Just like colors, climates, and feelings, flavor can be warm or cool.Synesthesia is a neurological phenomenon which blends senses.  It comes from the Greek words, ‘sensation together’.  For example; a person listening to music may see the sound in varying colors.  One might see numbers as points in space.  Or, sounds may produce feelings in different parts of the body.

It’s comforting to put a name to this experience, because I’ve always had what I now call “Culinary Synesthesia”.  To me, flavor has always had color.

Apple pie, a bowl of chili, and sweet potatoes inhabit the warm end of the scale.  Cool flavors are things like crisp lettuce, berries, and asparagus.

And much of the colors are dependent on seasoning.

Spices are ground seeds, nut, roots, or barks.  And almost without exception, they are warm flavors.  Cayenne is bright, burning red.  Curry is an almost neon reddish-orange.  These flavors frighten me and I stay away. But there are friendlier warm spices that evoke cozy sweaters, rustling leaves, and hay rides.  And without them, I’d be bereft and my kitchen would have much less flavor.

My top three are:

Nutmeg-It comes from the Myristica tree.  Always grate fresh.  You never know how old and thus flavorful the pre-ground is.  I use it at least every other day.  Any time I cook dark greens, I sprinkle in a bit.  With any cream sauce it’s a must.  I also put it in hot cereals.  Be careful though.  It can quickly go from just enough, to “Woah Nelly!” in a flash.  Also if eaten by the spoonful can act as a hallucinogen (but don’t do that).Smoked paprika-This isn’t just the tasteless stuff your mother used to sprinkle on the potato salad to make it pretty.  In Spain it’s known as pimentón.  You can buy it smoked or not, and the heat level ranges from non-existent to pretty darn hot (in the spicier varieties, hotter chiles are mixed in).  I use sweet smoked, and it not only adds color, but a subtle smoky flavor.  When using pecans in place of bacon in foods, I toast them in a tablespoon of butter with salt and pepper, and a dusting of paprika.  You get both crunch and smoke, while ingesting a good fat.Chinese Five Spice-This Chinese staple is traditionally made from cinnamon, cloves, star anise, fennel seed, and Szechuan peppercorn.  This spice blend is what gives egg foo yung gravy its distinctive taste.  I purchase mine from the Asian grocer near me; it’s cheaper, authentic, and because they sell a lot of it, there is fairly quick turnover, which means fresher on the shelf.  I use this powder on sweet potatoes and in spice cookies.  But holidays wouldn’t be the same without my famous ham.  And the glaze may change from year to year, but the one constant is my five spice.

Dr. Pepper ham glaze

ham-glaze

4 cups Dr Pepper, reduced ‘til thick and syrupy (about 1-1 ½ cups), then cooled

¼ cup Dijon mustard

¼ cup Balsamic vinegar

1 ½ teaspoons kosher salt

½ teaspoon black pepper

¾ teaspoon Chinese Five Spice powder

A day before cooking the ham:

Whisk together reduced Dr Pepper with the rest of the ingredients.  Refrigerate for at least 24 hours, but can be made up to 4 days before needed.

I urge you to get some fresh spices and play around with them.  And next time we’ll talk about the cooler side of the kitchen, and the herbs that I can’t live without.

Thanks for your time.

 

Just like Abuela made

For twenty years or so, I’ve been telling The Kid about Puerto Rico.  As a child, I lived there for a few years, and it was kind of totally awesome.

The base we lived on was tiny.  I knew every family in every house.

But the flip side of all this familiarity was that everybody knew me right back.  It was impossible to misbehave in public.  If I did something dumb or dangerous, reports got back to my house before I did.

Beaches were everywhere.  Survival beach was closest; just a short but risky hike down the side of a moss-covered cliff.  Kids were forbidden from going on their own, but I probably don’t have to tell you that it was one of those dumb and dangerous things I regularly did.We had our own horses, explored ruins, swam with exotic fish and climbed countless trees.

But one of the very best things about Puerto Rico was the food.

Just like our own revered pit masters here in North Carolina, there are certain people on the island that have a mystical connection to pork.  A whole pig is either split in half and cooked over hot coals or cooked in a box, called a Caja China.  It’s a pig pickin’ set to salsa music.On holidays many families have pernil, a slow roasted pork shoulder.  The outside gets brown and crispy, and the meat is moist and falling-apart tender.

Plantains, or platanos, are large starchy bananas.  They look like bananas on steroids.  Ripe, they’re sweet.  They’re usually pan fried until caramelized

While green, they act as potatoes in the Puerto Rican diet.  Fried, they’re heavenly crispy disks called tostones.  When mashed they become an insanely delicious food known as mofongo.  It’s made in a mortar and pestle called pilón and maceta.

And then, there’s yuca, also known as cassava.  It has to be cooked, because eaten raw, your body converts it to cyanide.  Even cooked, some folks can’t tolerate it, and results in not death, but a pretty nasty upset stomach.

Which brings me to a delicious meal The Kid and I shared yesterday. The Kid told me months ago about a restaurant called Tropical Pickin Chicken.  They have locations in Wake Forest and on Capital Blvd, in Raleigh.  They have different types of Caribbean fare, with many dishes from Puerto Rico.

It’s a little hole in the wall set in a sleepy strip mall.  But the cozy atmosphere and authentic, delicious food made me feel like I was sitting in an abuela’s (grandmother) kitchen being stuffed full of her amazing cooking.Brittany, the owner’s daughter was our adorable culinary guide.  We had mofongo, covered with succulent pernil, topped with onions (which The Kid, an avowed onion-phobe devoured). It was served traditional style, in a large pilon.  A small order of their delicious yellow rice and red beans was more than enough for the both of us.

And we had fried yucca.

Brittany told us how they prepare it.

Fried Yuca

yuca

2 or 3 yuca roots

1 cup vegetable oil + more for frying

Head of garlic, chopped and mashed into paste

Salt and pepper

Make garlic oil.  Mix mashed garlic, salt and pepper into cup of oil. Cover and refrigerate at least 24 hours.

Place large heavy pot on medium-high.  Fill with 2-3 inches of oil and bring to 350 degrees.

Peel yuca and cook in salted boiling water until tender.  Cut into approximate size and shape of steak fries.  Cook in oil until golden-brown.  Remove and place in large, shallow bowl.  Drizzle 1 ½ tablespoons of garlic oil on top, and toss until yuca is well-coated.Serve hot.

If you’d like to see everything they have to offer, the menu is on the Grubhub website.  Which means they deliver.  But I’m pretty sure no matter how hard I beg, nobody’s making a 30 mile trek to bring food to me in Durham.

So, until they change their minds or open a spot closer to home, I’ll be burning up the highway for more of that home cooking just like my abuela would have made for me if I’d actually had a Puerto Rican abuela.

Thanks for your time.

I beg you: do what I say, not what I did

This week it’s a warts column.

I’ve always loved to write, but until I got a newspaper-writing gig, my scribblings consisted solely of to-do lists, notes for The Kid’s lunch, and emails.

At the time I was asked to contribute, I hadn’t written for a paper since junior high.  So, I really didn’t know the game.  Would I be given a topic each week?  Was there anything I couldn’t say?  Did they want reviews?  Recipes?  My head was spinning with questions, doubts and anxieties.

Carte Blanche is a French term, meaning “blank check”.

And that is pretty much what I got.  I was given three guidelines.  It had to be G or (this is a family newspaper after all).  No problem Boss.

It had to be connected to food.  I’m on it.

It had to be honest.  While I often use exaggeration and hyperbole, and give my friends and family pseudonyms (You didn’t really think the name on the birth certificate was “The Kid”, did you?), all the columns had to be true; warts and all. Good or bad, what I write should be, and always has been, authentic.

And bad is what I whipped up the other day.  But not just bad, it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad dinner.  It was at least six different shades of wrong.  And bad.  So, so bad.  Did I mention it was bad?

I recently visited Trader Joe’s in Capel Hill.  They have a produce section, with variety and value.  They carry meat and dairy, also with varied selection and fair prices.  But that isn’t really what keeps the parking lot full and the lines long.

The company has the best store brand merchandise I’ve ever seen.  They carry crazy yet delicious stuff like Thai lime and chili cashews, vanilla wafers flecked with real vanilla beans, and Baconesque white cheddar popcorn.  Baconesque; what a lovely, evocative word.But the freezer’s where they shine.  There are meals for every appetite.  They have enough pastas to eat a different kind every day for a month without repeating.

I picked up a cod dinner for Petey, a decadent brie and asparagus pasta for me and arugula-filled ravioli for The Kid.

Next to the arugula ravioli was a type I’ve never seen before.  It was stuffed with chicken pot pie.  I didn’t even hesitate; into my basket it went. Trader Joe’s recommended dressing it simply, with just a little olive oil.  But I decided I had bigger and better ideas for this ravioli.

I would toss it with a rosemary-scented brown butter.  But I wanted something green on the plate.  So when the butter melted, but before it browned, I added three big handfuls of baby spinach.  The toasted, golden butter would impart wonderful flavor to the spinach and vice versa.

Yeah…no.

The butter never browned, but turned the bilious green of antifreeze.  And the spinach adsorbed so much butter it was inedible.  Think oil-soaked rag from a bucket in the shed.

Although I hate waste, the occasional food failure is good for me.  Sometimes I get a big head and food fiascos remind me I’m more Ellie May and less Martha Stewart.  These recurring debacles work like a charm to demolish any creeping complacency.  A flop, while unwelcome, does have its merits.

And, boy howdy was it ever one huge disaster.  But my sweet Petey ate around the tragic spinach and bravely finished his ravioli.  Not me—I dined on peanut butter and jelly.

Thanks for your time.

Luddites Unite!

To look at Petey and me, you’d never guess.

Between us we have two heads, four arms, and four legs.  We read, watch movies, and play with our Pontiac-sized dog.  I adore clothes, shoes, and cooking.  Petey likes sports, music, and meteorology.  We both love to hang out at Costco and judge people based on the contents of their shopping carts.

But there is something very different about us: we’ve never owned a cell phone.

Not counting our house, The Kid has had six different addresses since leaving for college.  These vagabond ways have made a cell the sensible choice.  But we’ve had the same address since 1989.  The most gypsy Petey and I get is visiting both Harris Teeter and Kroger in the same shopping trip.

We also both work from home.  And when we go out, we’re usually together.  Neither of us are brain surgeons or expectant mothers.  We have no need to be connected 24/7.  We’re just not that important. There’s something else you should understand about me.  When I was in high school my nickname was Little Debbie Digit, Queen of the Rotary Dial.  It got shortened to Digit, or Didge, but it all meant the same thing; the telephone and I had a very close, personal relationship.

Can you imagine if I always had a phone on me?  I’m not sure of the ultimate outcome, but I know it wouldn’t be pretty.  I have visions of one of those Special Forces raids, complete with helicopters and armed personnel carriers, flash-bang grenades, and remote robots in an overwhelming show of force all to get the phone out of my hot little hand.

When I tell people that I have no alternate phone number because I don’t own a cell, I get one of two reactions.  People over the age of thirty gaze at me with a mixture of astonishment and wistful envy.  They invariably say one of two things; either, “I wish I could be as brave as you”, or “I’m so proud of you”.  Like I just told them that I mill my own flour, and weave my own fabric.But the thing that always strikes me coming away from one of these encounters is, why would I want a mobile phone when people my own age act like they’d rather have the plague than their electronic tether?

But it’s the reaction of tech-savvy youth that really amuse me.

Have you ever seen a sci-fi movie where a robot or computer is given input that completely defies any sort of logic?  They start stuttering, twitching, and eventually begin smoking and throwing off sparks, before experiencing a total melt-down.  Often in those movies, it’s how we puny humans take down our robotic overlords.It looks pretty much like that.  The poor kids just can’t wrap their wired little minds around the concept.  I get a lot of blinking, and what looks like attempts to reboot their programming.

And the few times I’ve had to talk on a cell phone I resemble Granny Clampett.  I hold it about a foot and a half from my head and screech into it.  Honestly, they could probably hear my shouting without the phone.  But the joy that comes from the sight of my mortified child in that situation is worth the frustration of having to talk on one those infernal machines.

And you know what?  When wonderful things happen, I see it first-hand—there is no small rectangle of plastic between me and real life.

Thanks for your time.

Breaking It Down

The following statement came to me in my sleep: Man can wait, but not breakfast.

It sounds a lot more profound when in a semi-conscious state, but what it means is that with very few exceptions, breakfast foods are meant to be prepared at the last minute, and eaten immediately.

A couple years before the Louisiana Purchase, when I was in the hospital after having The Kid, each day I was delivered a little card with meal choices on it.  Every afternoon I’d fill it out, and look forward to the next day and my picks.

One morning I was really looking forward to lifting that cloche.  I’d ordered an omelet.  Instead, my breakfast was a banana.  Sitting in that warm, moist environment for an extended period had mutated those eggs into a rubber doggy chew toy.  Honest, in all aspects, that omelet had become a silicone movie prop.

rubber food

…and that’s not a steak, an ice cream, or a happy meal either.

Even Petey knew better.  When I complained, he said, “What do you expect? Eggs can’t sit around like that”

Lesson learned.

Growing up, when my mother needed to make dinner fast, or the cupboard was bare and payday a few days away, sometimes we’d have breakfast for supper.  My poor mom would always apologize.  What she never understood is that we looked forward to those nights.  Breakfast for dinner is kinda renegade, a little indulgent, and totally awesome.

Fast forward to present.  Each week I inventory the kitchen and make a semi-flexible meal plan.  And on that schedule is usually some kind of breakfast for supper.

Years ago I realized something.  There’s no way to do much of the cooking beforehand.  Bacon though, is my friend.  You can make it anytime, because as long as it’s crispy, you can happily eat it at any temp.  But almost everything else has to be made right before eating; it needs to be eaten hot.  Reheating just leads to sadness and regret.

My kitchen always looks like a hurricane has hit after dining on breakfast.  Everything gets done at the same time, and there’s no time for tidying before eating.

And that’s why I say breakfast waits for no man.

Here’s a half-exception, though.  Next time you’re baking potatoes, bake an extra few.  When they come out of the oven, let them cool a bit, and then bag them up and toss them in the fridge.

When it’s time for breakfast (AM or PM), peel ‘em or not, then dice into 1-inch pieces and put them into a big bowl.  If you’re not doing baked any time soon, parboil any type tater you’ve got on hand.

Next, it’s time to go treasure hunting.  Open that Frigidaire and look for some sad orphans.   Did you find some leftover pot roast, corned beef, or another protein but not enough for a full meal or even a sandwich for one?  We’re making hash here, so cut it up and throw it in.  What about some droopy mushrooms, carrots, or peppers?  In they go.  Even mostly empty jars of things like jalapeños, beets, or capers work.

And this, you can do even a day or two in advance.

Helpful Hash

hash

Potatoes, diced into 1-inch cubes (about 3 heaping cups)

Refrigerator booty (roughly half as much as potatoes)

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 tablespoon butter

Salt and pepper

Place spuds into bowl.  Put in booty also.  If you have any hard veggies like carrot or parsnip, par-boil until not quite fork tender.  Drizzle in vegetable oil, and gently toss to coat.   Season (then taste for seasoning).

Heat a cast iron skillet on medium-high.  Place butter in it, and when melted, add potatoes and booty in one layer.  Give them a little smoosh with spatula so you get more surface contact, thus get more caramelized, crispy bits.

Let cook until there’s a golden crust, then flip and cook until that side’s crusted.

Plate and top with eggs (for the best scrambled eggs ever, don’t whisk, mix in the blender until frothy then cook quickly in lots of butter).  Serves 4-6.

I love breakfast for supper.  The only way I could love it anymore is if I ate at Waffle House, and let them clean up after me.

After supper, all I have to do is loosen my belt.

Thanks for your time.