Nope.
I used to tease our friend Chef Chrissie that he’s not the smoothest Casanova. Despite being Irish, he is absolutely lacking the Emerald Isle’s gift of blarney. He’s also honest to the point that if a girl asked him if her butt looked big, he’d tell her. Petey and he share a sense of style, something I like to call, “sixth-grader at recess ”.
But the man possesses one ability that almost makes all of his deficits disappear. It’s a talent which when employed in the service of pitching woo, is a laser-guided missile of amour.
It’s his ‘chef-ness’.
Yup…well, sorta.
Chrissie can Turn.It.Out.
The man is a kitchen wizard. But what to do if you have lots of love to give, but very little in the way of cooking skills?
Don’t despair, for armed with a little knowledge you can easily look like a dashing, undercover pastry chef. 
With the knowledge to prepare three little items, you can present any number of dishes; from fancy plated dessert, to picnic treat.
The confectionary building blocks honestly couldn’t be easier to make—two of the three come from boxes.
The first, and most versatile element is whipped cream. It lends a luscious, dressy air to any dish. And it takes all of about two minutes to make.
Place 1 cup of heavy cream in a clean cold bowl and add 2-3 tablespoons powdered sugar, ½ teaspoon vanilla, and a tiny pinch of salt. Using either a hand mixer or an immersion blender and beat until soft peaks form. You can add 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder for chocolate whipped cream.
Only make as much as you need, and use it right away. The longer it sits, the droopier it gets.
The second element is brownies. Everybody loves my brownies. My secret? I start with a box. But then, I tinker.
Instead of water, use coffee. Add 4 tablespoons of cocoa powder, a splash of vanilla, and a big pinch of salt. Go through your pantry and pull out chips, candy, nuts, marshmallows, anything that tickles your fancy. I’ve been known to add dried fruits, butter toasted pecans, pretzel pieces, and broken candy bars. Halfway through baking sprinkle a small amount of flaky sea salt on top.
And always, always cook for 1-2 minutes less than the minimum time on the box. Then chill to set.
The third item is chocolate mousse with a secret. The secret is I use a box of cook and serve chocolate pudding, and instead of milk, I use heavy cream. It’s crazy good, and convinces diners that you got it going on. You can either use it warm and rich, or let it cool all the way and whip it in a mixer until it’s light and airy.
With these three items, you can make a plethora of dishes.
Cut the brownie into cubes, add some to a wine glass with spoonsful of pudding and fresh raspberries. Top with a dollop of whipped cream and you’ve got chocolate trifle.
Cut the brownie into rounds, put pudding between two pieces, freeze, and you’ve got elevated ice cream sandwiches.
Pour hot pudding into a mini pie shell and refrigerate. When cool, top with whipped cream and crumbled brownie pieces.
Buy some cookie dough and press into mini muffin cups and cook until done. Fill with whipped cream and fresh fruit. 
Or, put a big scoop of ice cream on a warm brownie square cover with hot caramel and top with whipped cream.
Or, do something entirely different with these three dessert elements. Then call me, ‘cause I want some.
Thanks for your time.
And as for chocolate. There are two kinds of people: those who love chocolate, and liars.
Today I have a special recipe. It’s one that reminds me of a special treat from the mists of my childhood, when disco was king and Jordache jeans roamed the earth.
With five kids from the ages ranging from 12 to four to look after, the grownups chose the alcohol-free option. We packed up swimsuits, sandwiches, and flip-flops. Sammy and Candy were taking us to their lake club. It was set in a pine grove, with lots of shade, sand, and refreshment vendors.
I probably got an icy bottle of coke, and a bag of chips. I saw the Italian ice man. I made a beeline to see what flavors they had. They had the mandatory lemon, strawberry, grape, and orange. But, they also had another flavor, chocolate. That was a new one on me.
These days I don’t have to go all the way to Raleigh for my fix. I discovered chocolate sorbet. An ice cream company named Talenti makes one that I always try to have on hand. It’s a little denser than an ice, but really full of flavor, not too sweet, and dairy-free, so it’s only 150 calories per serving. It’s perfect when I want…no when I need, a big hit of chocolate.
And the next time you meet someone who insists they don’t like chocolate, tell ‘em to stop, drop, and roll, ‘cause somebody’s pants are smoking.
2 ¼ cups water
I think my sister-in-law hates me.
And there grows the source of my strife.
And any so-called self-control that I may tenuously possess goes right out of the window. Soon I find myself diving into that delicious, delicious bag in a downward shame spiral that only concludes when I find myself with buttery hands and face, gazing guiltily into the now empty bag.
In salads, I use them in place of bacon. Pecans are a healthy, flavorful textural addition to rice. Ground up you can use them as a coating for chicken and chops. Ground even finer they add a rich, slightly sweet note to pastry and pie crust.
And if Leah wants to hate me some more with a couple pounds of buttered, salted pecans—I’m in.
1 ¼ cups unbleached all-purpose flour 
Thanks for your time.
Each year by this point in January, I’m getting mighty tired of all the commercials for gym memberships and advertisements for nutritional supplements.
Instead of working out and eating steamed fish, it all makes me want to lie immobile on the couch and eat milk duds.
I started with a mix, which I usually do. But this batch was the best batch I’ve turned out in years. The Kid and I loved them, which isn’t very surprising. But the shocker was that Petey really liked them as well. Not being a self-indulgent choco-phile, he doesn’t usually eat my brownies anymore. He says they’re “too much” (but where chocolate is concerned, please explain to me what is too much).
Boxed up and tied with a pretty red silk ribbon, then handed over for Valentine’s Day would ensure extra credit (I actually started to write ‘brownie points’ here) for the next 364 days.
Thanks for your time.
bull city mom 