Author: momsequitur

Don’t be that guy

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I cook with stock all the time.  I use it for sauces, and gravies; I cook rice and pasta in it.  And almost every single time, it’s from a box, or the grocery store.  I’ve only ever made stock from scratch, once, which I recounted a month or so ago.

But.

There is currently running a commercial for pre-made cartons of stock.  It’s actually a brand that I consider quality, which I’ve used numerous times.  I do though take issue with the message of this ad. In various vignettes, people are insisting they cook because they make “they make the best chicken noodle soup”.  Then they proceed to show them adding some chicken meat, a few veg, and some bagged egg noodles to a bubbling pot of said company’s chicken stock.

Yeah…no.

These poor, deluded folk are not chicken soup makers.  At best they are “stuff-put-er-inners”.  To produce homemade chicken noodle soup you must start with a chicken, and maybe even make your own noodles.

Anything less is practically opening a can.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  I have enjoyed many cans of varieties of chicken noodle (stars, noodle-o’s, curly, spaghetti-shaped) soups.  But I never tried to pass it off as scratch-made.

Now, if you want to make a chicken soup that begins with stock (canned or made in your own kitchen) which you can still claim as your own, I’ve got a recipe for you.

This is a rich, creamy, lemony chowder.  It’s a little bit of a riff on Panera Bread’s creamy chicken and wild rice soup.  It also freezes and reheats well.

Lemon chicken and wild rice chowder

chick chow

8 tablespoons butter divided

1/2 cup flour

3 carrots, peeled and cut into same size pieces

4 stalks celery, leaves and all, chopped

1 small onion, chopped

3/4 cup dried mushrooms, reconstituted and chopped

2 bay leaves

1 teaspoon dry thyme

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

Zest of 2 lemons, divided

Juice of 2 lemons

1 cup rice and/or grain mix with wild rice (I like Bob’s Red Mill Brown and Wild Rice)

1 1/2cups frozen shoe peg corn

1 cup white wine

5 cups chicken stock

1 1/2 cups skim milk

1 cup heavy cream

4-5 cups cooked chicken, white and dark, cut or ripped into bite-sized pieces.

Make roux:

Melt 6 tablespoons butter in small skillet.  Whisk in flour and cook over low until light blond in color.

Soup:

In a large heavy pot, melt 2 tablespoons butter.  Place in pot: Carrots, celery, onion, mushrooms, thyme, bay leaves, half the lemon zest, salt and pepper.  Cook until there is some color on veg, and carrots are starting to soften. 

Stir in rice and/or grain mix and let cook until they start to brown around the edges.

Deglaze the pot with wine.  Cook, stirring often until it’s all cooked in.

Pour in stock and skim milk.  Bring to slow simmer.  Add corn.

When the rice/grain is fully cooked (time varies according to type), bring to a boil and whisk in roux until it’s cream soup thickness. 

Turn down to low.  Pour in lemon juice.  When the juice is thoroughly mixed in, stir in cream and gently add chicken.

Check for seasoning, and keep warm until service.  Garnish each bowl with a sprinkling of lemon zest.

Makes 8-10 servings.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

This soup is delicious and quite impressive.  A soup that you can be proud to call your own.  So you don’t need to pretend you did something you really didn’t.

Don’t be that guy.

that guy

Thanks for your time.

A spicy tale

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Boy, I raised one thoughtful spawn.

Very close, very old friends of The Kid just had a baby (not quite one of those new year babies—they missed it by about 36 hours).

But since it’s not possible to wrap up sleep and deliver it all tied up with a pretty bow, my child did the next best thing; the gift of time was chosen.

Homemade wild rice chicken chowder and a lentil stew were made, along with something sweet with which to nibble.  The chowder and stew were prepared and are in the chill chest in freezer bags.  But because of The Kid’s work commitments, I volunteered to bake and pack up the cookies.

When the couple was asked for their confectionary preference, a ginger molasses cookie was requested.  Since this particular type is not in our family’s repertoire, an internet search was made.

I found a recipe that I felt hit most of the notes, and started with that.  Then I fleshed it out by altering flavor and techniques.

I used a vanilla bean and vanilla extract.  The caviar I added to the butter.  I tossed the empty pod into my sugar canister.  The original recipe, for some reason, never called for nutmeg.  I added it.  I also added nutmeg to the rolling sugar.I used a cookie scoop to portion the dough, instead of just a spoon.  Using one is quicker, easier, and makes all the cookies the same size, which means they all cook at the same time.

I leave you with one crucially important piece of advice.

Do not crowd the cookies in the pan while baking.  And for the love of all that is holy, do not rush them into the oven by cutting short the dough refrigeration time.  They will spread out all over the sheet, and not set up correctly.  I did this, and had to throw away the first batch of nine (See, I crowded the sheet pan).  They tasted really good, but were too thin and gooey to live.

Chewy ginger molasses cookies

ginger cookies 2

1 vanilla bean

1½ cups butter, softened

2 cups granulated sugar + more for rolling

½ cup molasses

1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract

2 eggs

4 ½ cups all-purpose flour

4 teaspoons baking soda

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground cloves

1 teaspoon ground ginger

¼ teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg

1 ½ teaspoons salt

 DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 375°F.

Split the vanilla bean, scrape caviar onto butter.  Set aside at room temp to soften.

Whisk together flour, soda, cinnamon, cloves, ginger and salt. Set aside.

With electric mixer, beat together softened butter and 2 cups sugar on medium for 1 minute until light and fluffy.  Add in eggs, molasses, vanilla extract, and beat on medium-low until combined.

Gradually add in dry ingredient mixture and beat until fully incorporated.

Using a medium (about 2 tablespoon capacity) cookie scoop, portion out all the dough.

Refrigerate scoops for 1 hour then remove and them roll into balls.  Return to fridge and let chill another 30-45 minutes.

Fill a small bowl with about 1/2 cup sugar and a pinch of nutmeg, and roll four balls in one at a time until they’re completely coated. Place on parchment-covered cookie sheet and bake for 5 minutes, spin the pan 180 degrees then bake for 5 more until they begin to slightly crack on top (They’ll crack more while cooling.).  Remove from the oven and transfer cookies, still on parchment to wire racks to cool. Bake off the next four.  Store in a sealed container for up to 1 week.

Makes about 2 ½ dozen.

I’ve never been a ginger snap, molasses cookie kind of girl.  But I have to admit, when I tasted one of the rejects, I was really surprised.  Yes, they are very spicy.  But extremely tasty, too.  These are more of a grown-up cookie for somebody who wants less sweet and more sassy to their desserts.  They would also be really, really good cookies with which to make ice cream sandwiches, say with some butter pecan, or peach ice cream.

And again, do not rush these into the oven.  They must be very cold and hard before hitting the heat or you will have delicious manhole covers.

This is bad.  You do not want this.

Thanks for your time.

 

 

The pitter-patter of tiny resolutions

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I once knew a woman who kept shoes in her oven.

She doesn’t cook, but she has a crock of utensils on the stove-top.  This is a woman for whom appearances are everything.

Don’t get me wrong, I know from shoe storage conundrums.  When I look for a particular pair in my shoe closet, I wade in like I’m entering a flood-swollen river to rescue a bus full of orphans.  Armed with only a flashlight and my plucky, never-say-die attitude, I declare something brave yet memorable, and leap into the fast-moving current.

I don’t retreat until I’ve found the desired footwear, be it purple suede boots or beaded strappy sandals.

Oh God, that’s the stuff, just like that.

This woman not only had misplaced her values, along with her shoes, she was rail-thin, unhappy, and unhealthy.

And I place the blame squarely on her diet.  She ate lots of low-fat, low-cal takeout and frozen meals.  She ate quickly, and alone.  Food to her was fuel.  If she could have had a home without a kitchen, she would have.

Our attitudes about food are formed early in our lives.  Gathering around the table to break bread, celebrating with a special meal, being rewarded with a treat, those are all good things, despite what some would have you believe.  As people (especially women) age, disordered thinking about eating can take hold.

Good foods, bad foods, behaving, being bad; all of those ideas just contribute to stress, guilt, and the loss of enjoyment.

Have you ever watched a dog, or a teenage boy eat?  They don’t sit with calculator or app, torturing themselves—they happily indulge.

I’m convinced that a healthy, joyful relationship to food and our bodies begins as children–in the kitchen.  Eliminate reliance on other people and the processed meals which they produce.

cooking at Granny's

In my grandmother’s Pittsburgh kitchen at age two.  I still get that look on my face if you bug me.

Get kids into the kitchen and cook with them.  You may have to drag them there at first, but not only is cooking a crucial life skill, if little hands take part in preparing, little mouths may be more willing to eat the resulting food, which by its very nature will be healthier.

This recipe is delicious, easy to prepare, and the various tasks can be parceled out depending on age and skill.  Younger kids will be able to help assemble.  Older kids can shred cheese or dice shallots.  As they gain experience, their contributions can grow with them.

Muffin taters

tater muffins

Vegetable spray

2 large russet potatoes, peeled and sliced 1/8 inch thick (a mandolin is the best tool for this job, so that the spuds are evenly sliced)

½ cup grated Cheddar cheese

2 shallots, finely diced

Salt and freshly ground black pepper

¾ cup heavy cream

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Spray 8 muffin tins and one side of foil with vegetable spray. Layer potato slice, a tiny bit of cheese, and a couple shallot pieces into muffin cup.  Repeat until cup is full, and move onto the next.  Top each with a pinch of salt and pepper, a little more cheese, and drizzle over a tablespoon or so of cream. Cover with foil (sprayed side down) and bake for 30 to 40 minutes, removing the foil halfway through. Invert cakes onto plate and serve.  Serves 4.

Although I say this serves 4, they are horribly addictive, so I always double the recipe.  My petite, dainty mother once put away a dozen of these things in one sitting.

For 2016’s resolution, do something that will vastly improve the quality of life for a child.  And hey, if they become culinarily proficient, you can a get a night off every now and then, and have someone serve you for a change.

Thanks for your time.

Random stuff I discovered and wrote down in 2015 Part 3

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For the past couple weeks, I’ve been relating excerpts of a food log that I kept throughout 2015.  This week will conclude with September through December.

September 14th– The Kid and I braved rush hour traffic and drove over to Cary this afternoon, and finally visited La Farm Bakery (4248 NW Cary Pkwy).

The reason we made the journey is because I really love to go by their stand and grab a loaf of sourdough at the “Got to be NC” festival in the spring.

Boy, am I glad we went.  It’s always nice when something lives of to the hype, and La Farm did not disappoint.  It’s a very French looking space in a generic strip mall.  Not only a bakery, they are a café, and coffee shop.  Everything’s fresh and fragrant.  One of the sides they offer for their menu of hand-crafted sandwiches are house made potato chips.  It was almost worth the trip just for that, but they also have various flavors of French macarons.

October 25th– It’s the fair!

This year I got to go twice, and got in free both times.  At the request of Lisa Prince from the NC Agricultural Department, I judged a couple specialty cooking contests.  It was a crazy amount of fun, and totally new for me.

Lisa Prince and friend.

Even though the novel holds much appeal, I’m delighted that some things never change.

Al’s French Fries: Without a doubt, the best fries at the fair.  Yeah, yeah, your fancy frites and duck fat fries are great, but there’s nothing better than stumbling through the midway, burning your tongue because those salty, crispy pieces of heaven are just too darn good to wait.fair-fudgeAll-American Fudge:  Located in the same spot every year at the end of the hobby and craft building, smiling faces will greet you and weigh out piles of fudge in old-timey cast iron scales.  Whether your first stop on the way in or your last on the way out, nobody anywhere does fudge like these guys.  I’m just grateful they only come around once a year.

Every couple of years the names changes, but the wooden barrels and the delicious root beer doesn’t.  Regardless whether they come as Pappy’s, Max’s, or your great-aunt Helen, those aluminum tankards of icy root beer are always as good as you remember.

November 16th– When I worked at Bosco’s bookstore at Woodcroft Shopping Center back when The Kid was elementary school, I grabbed dinner there every few weeks.  But it’s been years since I enjoyed the food at Hong Kong Restaurant (4711 Hope Valley Rd).  Recently though, after a doctor’s visit Petey and I went in for take-out.

I was hoping that my favorite dish, chicken mei fun was still on the menu.  In another win for stability, they had it.  It’s a sort of fried rice dish, made with veggies and scrambled eggs, only instead of regular rice grains, it’s made with rice noodles.  And although other restaurants will say they have it on the menu, many use regular wheat noodles instead of rice; which is just all kinds of wrong.

Actually, this is beef mei fun…still yummy, though.

Hong Kong makes is right.  It’s really yummy, and you get a take-out box so full it almost won’t close for about six bucks.  It’s enough food for three very filling meals for me.

December 17th– Went up to Greensboro for my mom’s annual Christmas cookie decoration party.  As always, we had lunch at their favorite G’bo eatery, Monterrey Mexican #29 (3724 Battleground Ave, Greensboro).

The first time I ordered tacos there I was very disappointed to get the hard u-shaped grocery store taco shells.  But I was ordering the wrong item.

This time I ordered tacos Mexico style.  Was rewarded with three fresh corn tortillas stuffed with the absolute best carnitas I’ve ever had the pleasure to devour.  The meat was as silky as a prom dress.  I’ve recently decided it will be my final meal.  It’s that good.

December 30th– Tomorrow night make some fun inconsequential resolutions so that it doesn’t matter when you break them.  And try to enjoy 2016.

nye

Thanks for your time.

Random stuff I discovered and wrote down in 2015 Part 2

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.

Last week I shared the beginning of my 2015 food diary.  This is part 2, May through August.

May 23rd- After a few false starts, we finally synched up everyone’s schedule, and had The Kid’s birthday lunch.

The choice was Melting Pot (7011 Fayetteville Rd).  It was my first visit to the famous fondue eatery.  I don’t think it’s for me.

Don’t get me wrong—the food was very good, and the service was excellent.

First, the ordering is a little complicated. When I’m hungry I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.  That’s why I like to check out menus online before I go to a restaurant; so that I don’t have to think too hard while I’m sitting there with and empty stomach.

And secondly, you get the food raw and cook it at the table.  I love to cook, but I am way too impatient to sit and wait while my chicken goes from deadly to delicious in a bubbling pot of stock.

It’s actually a thing–they call it “Pot the question”.

I do think it would make an amazing spot for a leisurely, romantic date though.

June 21st– Ran into a Target with a grocery department for something quick and easy to eat right away.  They have quite a selection of ready-to-eat items like salads and wraps.  Surprisingly, they don’t have nutrition information on the items.  Eating pre-made food is a minefield of calories, fat and sodium; that’s why I usually don’t partake.  Despite some intriguing offerings, I left empty-handed and hungry.

Just ask. B&N will provide values for everything they offer.

June 30th– Was in Barnes and Noble, and went into the café for a coffee.  It was lunch time, and I thought I might grab some grub, but since it’s just a stand in a bookstore figured they wouldn’t have nutrition info available.  I was wrong.

Each location has a notebook listing all the info for all the current choices.

When will every chain get with the program and make the numbers public?  I feel very strongly that customers have an absolute right to know, and a duty to find out.

July 11th– After a trip to the flea market at the State Fairgrounds, went over to Boulted Bread (614 W South St, Raleigh).

As the mother of a classically trained baker, I can attest to the fact that their pastries and breads are authentic.

Levain is a traditional French country loaf.  It’s perfect for toast and sandwiches.  Boulted makes their crusty, tangy version with organic grains milled in-house with a genuine stone mill.

This, my friend, is a bialy.

One of my favorite breakfast breads are bialys.  They kind of look like a bagel, but they aren’t boiled before baking, so they emerge from the oven crispy rather than chewy, and the hole is only a depression which is usually filled with caramelized onions and poppy seeds.  The only place I can find them is Southern Season, in Chapel Hill.  Boulted had them.

And The Kid said their cold-pressed iced coffee is the best.

August 24th– Such sad news; Daisycakes bakery on Foster St is closing.  From my very first visit to their silver Airstream cupcake truck, ‘Sugar’ to my final visit, Daisycakes was my favorite bakery in Durham.  Not only is quality their number one goal, Tanya and the crew always make me feel like I’m their most important customer and are happy to have me stop by, no matter how many dumb questions I ask.

Their whoopee pie is the best whoopee pie that has ever passed my lips.

The cookie/cake part is crispy and chewy that’s not too sweet.  The buttercream is light, delicious, with ever changing variety.  My favorite is the salted caramel.  The first time I ever had one, I almost cried.

Next week I’ll recount my food adventures from September through December.

Allow me to use this remaining space to wish each and every Durham resident a wonderful holiday.  Please be careful if you’re traveling.  And make sure to slow down and be mentally present in each moment of the celebrations.  Nobody will remember or care if everything isn’t perfect; so just enjoy.

To me, this column is my ongoing gift from the Bull City, which I constantly, hugely appreciate.

Thanks for your time.

Diary of a mad woman in a kitchen Part 2

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Last week I related to you excerpts from the food diary that I faithfully kept for the entire year.

Before I continue though, I’d like to explain what a true Christmas miracle these columns are.

I’ve always loved to write, and the number one piece of advice to young writers is to keep a journal.

I’ve owned more diaries than I can count.  No dice.  Not one of them had more than ten or fifteen entries before it was set aside and forgotten.

Each new, pristine book was begun with the best of intentions.  I would be faithful and prolific.  This would be the one which would take.

But sadly, no.  The entries would be forced, stilted, and honestly; dull.

Until this year.  I decided to keep a culinary log with an eye to doing a column at the end of the year.  Maybe this is what kept me honest, and kept me coming back with new entries.

Whatever the reason, it worked:

July 2nd– It seems like every supermarket has all the fixings for a cook-out on sale.  Meat, condiments, chips, buns, and sodas are all reduced.  I am definitely stocking up the freezer.  It might be October before I have to buy hamburger or Kaiser rolls.

That lemon chicken is perfect.

July 11th– Petey, The Kid and I went over to Crabtree Valley Mall for lunch after a morning at the flea market.  We ate at Kabobi, in the food court.  When I haven’t visited for a while I tend to forget just how good their food is.  Lemon chicken, lentils and rice, grape leaves; it’s a Mediterranean wonderland.

July 23rd– Major bummer!  My favorite guilty pleasure while shopping at Brier Creek is to get a salted caramel milk chocolate candy at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Company.  Stopped by today and was terribly disappointed to find they had changed the recipe.  The caramel is stiffer and much larger, which since each piece is sold by weight makes it about twice the price.

August 8th– Dined at Golden Corral.  They now have breakfast on the buffet all day.  And…they have cotton candy on the dessert bar.  Woo Hoo!

September 7th– Had a sample of Panera’s new green passion power smoothie.  Even though I think mango tastes like baby food, I really liked it.  And at only 200 calories, it’s an awesome lunch on the go.

September 28th– Lowes had a new brand (Promised Land) chocolate milk on sale.  I picked up the 2%.  It’s rich, yummy, and less than 150 calories per serving.

October 17th– Went to the wedding of one of my oldest, closest friends.  The reception was held upstairs at The Pit, in Durham (321 Geer St).  There was a gorgeous view of downtown, and the finger food served was delicious.

Later on the 17th– Swung be Mickey D’s on the way home.  The order was wrong and the fries were left out.  Joe Pesci was right in Lethal Weapon.  They will make you most displeased at the drive-thru.

November 3rd– Halloween candy is 75% off and Boo Berry cereal is half price.  I knew I loved the fall.

December 16th– Made Salisbury steak from scratch.  It was really easy, and very tasty.  Serve it in a divided aluminum tray in front of the TV and you’re six years old all over again.  All you need is footy pajamas.

December 23rd– I hope all the readers of the Henderson Daily Dispatch have the very happiest of holidays.

Thanks for your time.

Random stuff I discovered and wrote down in 2015 Part 1

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Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

I have a diary with a padded blue silk cover.  I got it as a gift in high school.  For some reason, it resides in a bookshelf in my living room.

I pulled it down today and took a look at it.

It has about 200 lined pages.  I have filled a grand total of eleven pages; with seven entries from 1982, and one from 1991.  Each sentence is more forced and stilted than the last.

Yeah, I’m really bad at keeping up with that kind of thing.  But I think that my non-stop internal monologue and the fact that I endlessly overthink every decision; no matter if it is picking lunch off a menu, a plumber to repair a leak, or a retirement plan counts as examination.  I just stink at manually archiving it.

But this year I did something I’ve never been able to do before.  I kept a log of all culinary episodes, experiences, and epiphanies.

I was faithful to this project, and have an entire year’s worth of ruminations.

For the next few weeks, I will share them with you, gentle reader, in this space.

January 3rd– Picked up some clearance items today.  No matter what color or shape they are in, Reese’s cups and M&M’s are just as yummy.  But it seems like they taste a little bit better when they’re 75% off.

January 11th– It may be cheap, but egg nog just tastes sad in late January.  And nobody wants another dessert made from it.

January 21st– Nobody makes better eggplant in garlic sauce than Grace’s Café (downstairs at Trent Hall, 331 Trent Dr.).  But even better, they offer brown rice, and for the toddler (mine) taste buds, they will make a version with no spicy heat.  Also, they have a club sandwich that makes Petey’s day.

February 2nd– Cooking black rice takes just as much time as brown rice.  I probably should have checked that before I put a large pot of it on—we wouldn’t have had to eat dinner at 10:30.

February 9th– Parts and Labor is the restaurant at Durham music venue Motorco (723 Rigsbee Ave).  They have an imaginative scratch-made menu of finger foods and munchies.  The Kid and I had six or seven items and almost everything was really tasty.  The sliders are not to be missed.  The artichoke fritters while a great idea, and much anticipated, were a little greasy.  But because of that they would have made stellar drunk food.

Unfortunately, I was sober tonight.

March 8th– Took a trip to Crabtree Valley Mall with the whole family.  Had brunch at an eatery named Red Monkey Tavern.

red monkey

The food was really good—they have duck mac and cheese, for goodness sake.  Had the avocado BLT.  The bacon was thick, tasty, and crispy.  The avocado was perfectly ripe and creamy.

But they are, in my opinion, much too fond of the spicy.  Lots of chorizos, and a really hot chipotle mayo.  Even their tarragon mayo had quite a kick to it.

But their truffle Parmigiano fries are worth the trip to Raleigh.

April 9th– Made some brownies, and have about 10 pounds of M&M’s from Easter.  I threw caution to the wind and mixed a couple cups into the batter, and sprinkled a handful over the top.  They were really good.  You get all the creamy chocolate of chips, but the bonus is the snap of that candy shell.

Ooh, I’ll bet they would rock in some blondies.

April 29th– Petey and I went to the opening Wednesday of the Durham farmers market.  It’s one of my favorite days of the year.  In addition to some quite tasty Honeygirl Mead, I scored some pea shoots.  They were delicious on a cold sandwich.  I enjoyed them so much I decided to see what else they would work on.

And salads, and risotto, and…

Scrambled eggs, pasta, burgers, cream soup, and avocado toast all work great.  I’m guessing ice cream is a no go.

Next week I’ll dish on May, June, July, and August.

   Thanks for your time.

Diary of a madwoman in the kitchen Part 1

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Throughout the entire year of 2015, I kept a kind of journal.

It wasn’t full of my social activities—one must have a social life for that.

It wasn’t recounting my travel to exotic locales—You need go further away from home than Costco for it to count as travel.

And it sure wasn’t kept online.  I have less social media presence than a 17th century monk.

This guy writes with a feather–there’s no way he’s on Facebook.

But it was a log of food, cooking, and eating in which I’d taken part during the year, and what I’d learned.

January 17th-Spent a few days as a patient at Duke Hospital.  Haven’t spent much time there since Petey was released in the spring of 2014.  When we were there, they were trying out a new program for patients to order off a menu.

It was fully in place during my stay.

I had a big problem with it—I wanted everything.  Not only were there hundreds of possible combinations, the food that I did order was well-cooked and tasty.

Hospital linens may resemble sand paper, and there’s no water pressure, but at least the grub won’t make you want to gather up all those scratchy sheets and weave a rope to make a break for it.

February 17th-You’d think I’d learn.  It is never ever a good idea to go shopping on an empty stomach.  But, every time I open the cabinet, and see that unopened jar of pickled gummy bears, maybe I’ll remember.

Oh yeah baby, that’s the stuff.  Come to Mama with your frosted self.

March 3rd-After years of searching out and traveling to Great American Cookie Companies across this nation to get one of my favorite treats–their delicious, utterly decadent, overly stuffed double doozie cookies, I discover that Mrs. Fields cookies stores makes as good, if not better frosting-stuffed chocolate cookies.

To paraphrase Judy Garland, “Every cookie I was looking for was right there at Mrs. Fields all along.”

April 13th- Mom sent me a box of cookies for my birthday.  Now I have definitive proof that no matter whether they’re green frosted with red sprinkles for Christmas, or lilac with pink sugar for Easter, as long as there is a 50/50 icing to cookie ratio, Mom’s homemade sugar cookies are almost magical in their yumminess.

Happy Mother’s Day!  What’s your co-pay at the ER?

May 10th– Hooters is offering free meals to mom on Mothers’ day.  Yeah, don’t care.  I’d rather pay to eat egg salad sandwiches from a vending machine.  They might be awful, unhealthy, and possibly packed with exotic, disease-causing microbes, but after I recuperated, I could look myself in the mirror.

May 23rd, and 30th– Marshmallows are actually really easy, and very quick to make, but creates a huge sticky mess.

Short bread is easy and quick to make but makes a huge, buttery mess.

June 19th– It’s cherry season!  Fresh cherries are really nutritious.  They go great in sweet or savory foods, smoothies, or just eaten all by themselves.

But a few words of advice: Be choosy.  You don’t have to buy that whole zip-top bag.  In some stores that sack can run you more than $25.  Just get the amount you want.  Always make sure they have stem attached. Without a stem, they have the shelf life of a Hollywood marriage.

They are also crazy expensive.  Shop the sales.  The money you save for a really good mark-down will more than make up for a little drive to that particular store.  And the closer they get to the end of the season (around the fourth of July), the cheaper they get.

Next week: July through December.

Thanks for your time.

Tray’d up

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Unbelievably, it was $7.25.

You’ve probably got this much under your couch cushions…

That’s right, just seven dollars, and twenty-five measly cents.

The Kid had to work on Thanksgiving, so on Wednesday we had our dinner.  I made a big pot of my pink sauce.  Petey and The Kid chose our menu.

This was ok by me, because other than the post-turkey day sammich of leftover white meat, too much mayo and salt on spongy white bread, I’m no fan of gobblers.  But Petey likes turkey, and even more, he loves dressing drenched in gravy.  So without roasting a bird, neither of us would get to partake of our nostalgic faves.

This is exactly what Thanksgiving was like when I was a child.  Dad’s a dead ringer for Ken,  Mom is Barbie’s double, and all our food was plastic.

Well, Lowes Food roasts turkey breasts and sells it by the slice in their deli.  I got them to slice it nice and thick for me and took some home.  I picked up a loaf of white/wheat Sara Lee sandwich bread at Big Lots for $1.40.  I was all set.

But poor old Petey was still left out in the cold.

That is until I opened up the Herald Sun and saw multiple ads for Thanksgiving dinner at C&H cafeteria at Northgate Mall.  Since we had no other plans, we decided to go.  Petey could get his turkey and dressing, and I could get anything but.

This is the ad that started it all.

That evening I scored with another childhood favorite.  My mom is Italian, but we didn’t always have the funds to buy veal scaloppini, which is a pretty expensive cut.  So, in order to make veal parmesan, she would buy ground veal and make patties, which she would bread and fry, then spoon on marinara, cover in mozzarella, and bake.

C&H had it.  So I ordered it, along with a broccoli/cauliflower salad, Harvard beets, and some really yummy potatoes, which were chunked and cooked on the flat top.  I was barely able to resist the Siren song of the various breads and rolls on offer, but succumbed to dessert and snatched a ginormous slab of pecan pie (which I had to take home because I was so stuffed from dinner).

It was really good, almost, but not quite as delicious as my mom’s famous pie.  It’s based on the classic Karo syrup recipe, but tweaked just a bit (by me).

Mom’s and Debbie’s irresistible salted pecan pie

pecan pie

You can use your own, homemade crust, but mom uses Pillsbury refrigerated crust.  She’s never had any complaints.  I think it’s pretty darn close to scratch-made.

1 cup light corn syrup

3 large eggs

1 cup sugar

2 tablespoons butter, melted and cooked until caramel-colored and nutty smelling

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 tablespoon Bourbon or brandy

1-1/2 cups pecans

½-1 teaspoon large flake sea salt (according to taste)

1 (9-inch) unbaked pie crust

Preheat oven to 350°F.

Mix corn syrup, eggs, sugar, butter, vanilla, and Bourbon or brandy using a spoon. Stir in pecans. Pour filling into pie crust.  Sprinkle salt on top.

Bake on center rack of oven for 60 to 70 minutes. Cool for 2 hours on wire rack before serving.

*You can pour in filling without pecans, and before baking arrange them on the top of the pie in a decorative fashion, if you wish.

To me, this needs nothing but a fork.  But some heathens may like to top it with fresh whipped cream.

West Indian whipped cream

whip

2 cups heavy cream

1/3 cup light brown sugar

Zest of 1 lemon

1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

Small pinch of salt

Right before service pour cream into a large bowl.  Using a hand mixer, or immersion blender, begin mixing.  When the cream just starts to thicken, add sugar and nutmeg.  Continue mixing.  When the cream is thick, add salt, and whip until stiff peaks form.  Fold in zest. 

Use immediately.  Makes about 4 cups.

And the $7.25?

That was the price of Petey’s dinner.  For that paltry sum he had turkey with dressing, mashed potatoes, absolutely amazing fried okra, a roll, a drink, and another huge slab of pie, only for him, coconut cream.

Thanksgiving dinner for two.

Since I ordered ala carte, mine was a little more expensive, but for $20 we had a terrific Thanksgiving dinner.  My heart wants us all to be together, but my belly’s kind of hoping The Kid has to work on Christmas Eve.

Thanks for your time.

Mom’s magical Christmas cookies

/ momsequitur / 2 Comments
The actual cookies, set out to cure overnight.

My mom’s cookies look like normal, boring, everybody’s-had-one frosted sugar cookies.

Then you take a bite.

And fall off your chair.

The Kid and I discuss them each time we’re lucky enough to get our mitts on some.  We can’t figure them out.  How is it that this little, regulation baked good can pack such an extraordinary punch?  We joke that maybe she puts crack in them, or fairy dust.

When Kid was in college, Gramma baked a batch freshman year, and shipped them up to our little scholar in Vermont.

This really is Montpelier.  In the dictionary under the word “quaint”, there’s just a map of Vermont.

Those NECI people had no idea what they were in for.

There were probably four dozen cookies in the box.  The Kid ate some, and then decided to share with a few lucky souls.

Nobody was very enthused to be offered boring baked goods from some random grandmother in North Carolina.  My child didn’t try to talk anyone into a sample.  If they didn’t want one, it was just more for The Kid.

Then one person took one.  Eyes lit up, and word got around.  People came out of the woodwork wanting these miraculous confections.  Chef-instructors approached The Kid to ask when Gramma would send more.

Mom’s Christmas Cookies

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

mom's sugar cookies

1½ cups all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon baking soda

½ cup sugar

½ cup butter flavored Crisco

1 egg

2 tablespoons milk (whole or 2%)

1 teaspoon vanilla

Sift dry ingredients into bowl.  With mixer, cut in shortening until it resembles coarse meal.  Blend in egg, milk, and vanilla.

Roll out to 1/8 inch, and cut into shapes. 

Bake on parchment lined cookie sheet for 6-8 minutes or until golden.  Remove to cooling rack.

Frost cookies when they are completely cooled.  Makes about 1 ½ dozen.

Mom’s Frosting

cookie frosting

1 pound box powdered sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 scant teaspoon cream of tartar

1/3 cup butter-flavored Crisco

1 egg white

1/4 cup of water (or less)

1 tablespoon vanilla

1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

For decorating: colored sugars and jimmies

Dump all ingredients, except water, into mixer. Beat ingredients at low until it starts to come together.  Put the water in at this point, so you can judge just how much to use. Beat until it is creamy and fluffy. We usually dye it festive colors.

I’ve tried to gentrify the ingredients.

Don’t do it.

Something about the synthesis of these particular components are the secret of the amazing results.  Don’t substitute butter, or cake flour, or speak with a French accent while making them (unless you legitimately speak with a French accent).

This is a legit French farmer, y’all.

When icing the cookies; the more the better.  A fifty/fifty ratio of frosting to cookie is just about right.  Sprinkle right after frosting each one, so it sticks.

About two weeks before Christmas, Mom has a frosting party. Everyone shows up and decorates hundreds of cookies.  We have lunch, and then negotiate how many cookies we can take home.

Santa’s Sweat Shop South. (From top to bottom: The Kid, Petey, your intrepid reporter)

There is one rule: you break it, you eat it.

You’d think, awesome!   You’d think we break as many as we can, and gorge on frosting cloaked shards.

Yeah, not so much.

Mom’s no dummy, and she can tell when a cookie is broken on purpose.  And that woman has a mom-eye glare that can chill you to your very soul.

Yeah, just like that.

So, we usually only scarf about two per session.

When Petey and I were dating, we had a giant, bear-like, man-child of a friend named Pig.  He frosted with us each year. He adored my mother, her cookies, and her spaghetti lunch.  Mom loved him right back.

When he learned the broken cookie rule, he lit up like a neon sign.  The first year, he broke almost every cookie he touched.

We watched this dance with sideways glances and shallow breath.  It was only a matter of time before mom turned her furry eyeball on him, and he would dissolve into a puddle of contrition.

It never occurred.

Every year after that mom made a batch just for her buddy to frost, break, and eat.  It was, and remains, her sole exception.

She never makes a batch like that for me.

I guess I’m not as charming as the Pig.

He’s even more charming than that (You’re welcome, Bo.).

Thanks for your time.

Contact me at d@bullcity.mom.