Bread’s Greatest Hits

October 31, 2016November 1, 2016 / momsequitur / 1 Comment

My grandmother was a straight-up, bona fide, character.Her name was Geraldine. She looked (and acted) like an Old Testament prophetess. She was very tall, thin, and wore her iron-gray, waist length hair in a very tight bun during the day and in a long, ropey braid when she went to bed.

Granny was tough and blunt. She had plenty of rules and expected everyone to fall in line. My dad always said his mother was a “test pilot at the broom factory”.

You know, she actually did bear a resemblance to Margeret Hamilton…

She married my grandfather in October of 1929. Somehow, she fed and clothed her growing family during the greatest economic crisis this country has ever known.

She was enormously frugal and wasted nothing. She made her own intense, delicious grape juice. She canned, pickled and repurposed. She still managed to produce dessert almost every night.One of my favorites was a jello-based dish. She used the black walnuts that grew in her yard. Dad loves them, but I find them as bitter and dark as a Dickens spinster. In this recipe, I subbed in pecans.

Granny’s black cherry dessert jello-dessert

1-6 ounce box black cherry jello

3 cups boiling water

1 cup ice

14 ounces cream cheese

1 ½ cups large pecan pieces, toasted

Prepare your cream cheese: cut into ½-inch cubes using unflavored dental floss. Place in refrigerator to get very cold.

In a large bowl, mix jello, water, and ice. Stir in pecans. When the jello’s room temp, fold in cream cheese, keeping individual cubes intact. Pour into 9X13 dish, refrigerate, and allow to set completely (around 4 hours).

Serves 8-10.

I think Granny went to Sunday school with General Washington. My father’s middle name is George.

Granny also made her own potato bread. When we visited, she would cut thick slices, toast them, and slather on butter and/or jelly. It made the best gosh-darn toast you ever tasted.

A couple weeks ago I tried a new bread from La Farm, in Cary. It’s Carolina Gold rice sourdough. rice-bread-1 It’s very moist and tasty. But the best part is, it makes the best toast since I sat at Granny’s table and ate my weight in hers. I discovered it October 10^th, and am on my second loaf, with plans to get more next week. That doesn’t sound remarkable until you know that the loaves are huge, and I’ve been the only one eating it.

And this brings me to my main point.

Life is too short to eat dreadful, sub-par bread. I’m talking about you, Wonder and Sunbeam. We live in an area rich with great bakeries, so there’s no excuse.

Here are a few of my favorites and where to get them, plus a tip to make frozen and day-old bread bakery fresh all over again.

Lots of places sell baguettes, but Earth Fare sells crusty-on-the-outside with pillow-y soft interiors for 98 cents—every day.

Costco bakes square rolls that are kind of like ciabatta. Sandwiches on them are delicious, but they’re awesome just eaten with cold salted butter.

The Co-op has a seven-grain that is really delicious. It makes a grilled cheese that even my white-bread-loving Petey enjoys. bakeries Ninth St bakery has quite a few lovely loaves. A couple of my favorites are Sourdough French and sunflower. They also have a whole grain that’s quite good.

Whole Foods, Scratch and Loaf all have diverse and delicious bread.

I leave you with a couple carb hints.

When you freeze bread, it stops the clock on staleness and mold. If it’s toast you’re after, just toss slices, still frozen, into the toaster. You may have to turn it up to get enough color for your taste.

If it’s rolls or loaves, leave frozen until oven heats to 350. When it’s at temp, run each piece under water and place directly on the rack. Then throw about ¼ cup water into the oven as well (the steam keeps the crust crispy and the insides cloud-like soft). Bake for 13 minutes then take it out and place on cooling rack so it doesn’t get a soggy bottom (soggy bottoms are the worst).

Good as new—I promise. There are so many things in life that you’ll probably regret. For the love of guacamole, don’t let bread be one of them.

Thanks for your time.

Spare Change

October 31, 2016October 31, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

Regardless whether it’s a pound of ground round, a set of steel-belted radials, or a delicious pair of thigh-high periwinkle suede boots, I have an iron-clad philosophy about shopping.

My precious…

It was honed over decades as a shopper, and as an employee in retail establishments: The merchant’s goal is to make as much profit as possible, while the consumer’s is to spend the least amount while procuring what you need (hamburger and tires), and what you want (delicious boots).

That means using any legal means to reduce the final tally at the cash register.

Sales, coupons, alternate sources; they’re all fair game.

This is not an acceptable money saving method.

Most grocery stores start their new sales on Wednesday. But many honor the previous week’s sales on Wednesday. So, you could score two weeks’ worth in one trip. Also, years ago, it didn’t make sense to chase all over town to shop the sales at multiple stores. But now, when there are five or six supermarkets within a mile of each other, it doesn’t make sense not to. BJ’s warehouse offers a magazine containing their own coupons plus, they accept manufactures coupon.

So study the circulars. Then make your list and shop accordingly.

Coupons are great–IF.If the item is something you will use. Many times I buy store brand merchandise, so it would be more expensive to buy the name-brand, even with a coupon. Lowes and Harris Teeter double coupons. Kroger doesn’t, but they frequently mail coupons to customers, tailored to each individual’s buying history. And even though there’s an expiration date on them, Kroger honors them no matter what the date says.

Don’t be too fancy to shop at Big Lots and dollar stores. Just keep in mind how much items run at the supermarket, because occasionally they can be pricier. But many canned goods are cheaper, as well as egg noodles, cake mix, bread, eggs and frozen items. Also when you’re near a Home Goods, TJ Maxx, or Ross’s, take a peek at the food they stock. Expensive specialty products can often be insanely cheap.

And lastly, mark downs in the store. Back near the dairy section, Lowes has a couple carts and shelves with items that are usually 50% off. They are normally ‘scratch and dent’ items.

But it’s the meat department where you can really shine.Every time I’m in any grocery store, I walk through the meat department and look for sales. This is meat that is good, but only has a couple more days ’til the sell by date. As long as you either freeze it or cook it the day you bring it home, you’ll have no trouble. Yesterday I got a pound of flat iron steak for $3.00, down from $8.15. But the best deal ever was a four-pack of turkey burgers for $2.27.

At home, I seasoned them, then dusted with a combination of white-wheat and rye flours, to seal in juices and jack up flavor. I cooked them in a hot cast iron with a generous drizzle of olive oil, searing both sides. When the internal temp was between 160 and 165, I took them off the heat.The first two became patty melts on multi-grain bread. Tonight I made a mushroom-heavy Marsala sauce and served the other two on a bed of egg noodles that I’d bought at the dollar store.

I love it when I can make a nice dinner for just a few dollars. Then I can use my savings for something really important, like a delicious pair of thigh-high periwinkle suede boots.

Of course, velvet is nice too…

Thank for your time.

It’s a Doggy Dog World (and we’re just living in it)

October 28, 2016October 30, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

2016-05-06-22-32-45 The Kid has a rescue dog; a beautiful little husky (we think). Her name is Bella, and she has eyes the color of a Luna moth’s wing.

She really is the sweetest thing, but dumb as a box of soup and a tad squirrely. She also should switch to decaf as soon as possible. I’ve never in my life seen a dog with more energy. There is no off switch.

The Kid is in Chicago this week. That means we have grand-dogger duty. With Bella in the house, there’s never a dull moment.

You should witness my child around any dog. There is squealing, baby talk and high-pitched cries of “Puppy!”

They’re the only thing The Kid gets squishy and sentimental over…

But the response is entirely to be expected. Aside from time taken to mourn lost companions, we’ve had dogs almost our entire marriage. When we brought The Kid home from the hospital, our seven-year-old chow, Harry met her outside in order to minimize any territorial instincts.

Harry was somewhat different. The night we brought him home, our puppy hid under the bed for three days. He was so skittish and easily startled many of our friends called him Scary Harry. It was pretty apt—among many other things our boy was literally, no foolin’, afraid of ice cream. Even the kind made specifically for dogs. We think maybe his mom drank heavily while pregnant.

While this looks like Harry, it is not him. The only photos we have of him are of his butt, as he ran away in terror. He was afraid of cameras, too.

On my 21^st birthday Petey gave me Harry. Seven years later he had the meet & greet with our brand new baby in the driveway.

He watched over his little person, and taught that little person to love dogs, and treat them kindly.

When The Kid was in Kindergarten, we lost our Harry. Six months went by and we decided it was time to share our lives with a four-legged again.

The doggy gods were smiling upon us the day we met Steve. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Even though he looked like a text book Akita, we’re pretty sure that he was a 105 pound heart, wrapped in a doggy suit. He was the gentlest dog we’d ever had.

If there were children playing outside, and one of them screamed, regardless the reason Steve had to go outside and do what looked like a head count to make sure all of his children were safe and sound. Once he adopted a roly poly bug. He kept it for three days until he loved it to death.

Steve and I had a game where I would do an imitation of a dog growl. We would slap our hands/front paws on the floor in a mock attempt to catch each other. All the while he would be doing his best imitation of my growl.

He was a goofball who indulged my every odd whim. He’d do anything to make us smile…

The day before he died, he was so weak, but he still made his best effort to slap my hand and growl my growl. I think he didn’t want to disappoint me. His whole life long he never disappointed me. It’s been ten years, but thinking about him still breaks my heart.

My dad and Riker. To give you an idea of the size of our pooch; Dad is 6’4″.

Now we have Riker, who’s named for a character in Star Trek. He’s a 200-pound Anatolian shepherd with sweet, caramel-colored eyes. When you scratch him behind the ears, he honest-to-goodness purrs. He is the most loving pooch we’ve ever owned

We all think, with dogs, that we’re in charge. But if you serve someone breakfast in bed, and clean up their lawn bombs, it doesn’t matter what you think. That dog is your boss.

And then to top it off, we go and let them use our heart as a chew toy. snuggy-buggy-riker

She broke him.

Thanks for your time.

Totally Nuts

October 24, 2016October 29, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

I’ve got a riddle for you.When is a pound cake not a pound cake?

When it’s a pound cake (I’ll explain later, I promise).

A few days ago I had my third and final session as one of the judges for the specialty cooking contests of the 2016 state fair. I was really looking forward to it, because the category was pecans.

Uh oh; here comes the educational portion of the program…

The pecan, or Carya illinoinensis, is actually a variety of the hickory. The trees, which can grow up to 144 feet tall, are native to Mexico, and from the Gulf coast of Texas up to Illinois. It is one of the most recently domesticated crops. Until the 1880’s it was solely harvested from the wild.

A pecan orchard.

And although they have been enjoyed since well before the Europeans showed up, people can still not agree on whether they are “pee-cans”, or “pick-kahns”.

But regardless the pronunciation, these nuts are absolutely delicious, and work well with both savory foods and sweets . As much as I love pie and pralines, my favorite preparation is salt & pepper pecans; merely generously seasoned pecans sautéed in butter.

I have to ruthlessly limit my exposure though, because I can devour a pound of them while in a pecan-induced fugue state. Then I regain consciousness into a pecan-induced shame spiral.

The contest last week, in addition to being a heck of a lot of fun, included a notable first in my role of cooking judge. Heck, it was a first in my entire existence as a human.

This is literally porn to me…

It was cake that was too sweet. I’ve never even understood the term “too sweet” before. I’m the girl who considers frosting a food group. I always thought it was a phrase made-up by light weights that couldn’t hold their sugar.

But the phenomenon exists. It felt like biting into tin foil with a mouth full of fillings. My mouth recoiled from the sensation. It coated my tongue and made my teeth hurt.

Happily, there was another cake which wasn’t too sweet, but just right. It took third place; a pound cake from Chapel Hill’s Cherie Michaud.

Nana and Roux’s Butter Pecan Pound Cake

Cake pecan-cake ½ lb. or 2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature

1 ½ cups granulated sugar

1 ½ tsp. vanilla extract

1 ½ Tbsp. whole milk

½ tsp. baking powder

½ tsp. salt

1 cup pecans

½ cup vegetable oil

4 eggs

2 cups flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine 2 eggs, vanilla, milk, oil and butter in mixer. Begin mixing on low to medium speed. Once blended together, add the last 2 eggs.

In another bowl, combine sugar, flour, baking powder and salt. Sift the dry ingredients into the egg/milk mixture. Mix until combined, about 30 seconds.

Place pecans into a food processor and pulse for 30 seconds. Add pecans into the cake mixture and combine for 1 minute or until everything is well blended.

Spray a Bundt pan with cooking spray and sprinkle with sugar to coat. Pour cake batter into pan and tap on counter to remove air bubbles. Bake for 50 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven and let cool in pan 30 minutes. Remove from pan and let cool completely.

Frosting pecan-frosting 3 cups powdered sugar

½ cup unsalted butter

½ tsp. cinnamon

1 ½ tsp. vanilla extract

2 Tbsp. plus 2 tsp. whole milk

½ tsp. nutmeg

½ tsp. salt

½ cup pecans, chopped

Combine butter, milk and vanilla with a mixer. Once combined, add the powdered sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Mix on low-medium speed for 1-2 minutes. Spread frosting over cake and top with pecans.So, about the pound cake riddle. Traditional cakes have one pound each of flour, sugar, butter, and eggs, with no leavening (baking powder or baking soda). It gets it rise from air whipped into the batter, and starting in a cold oven.

A modern pound cake uses leavening. This reduces the possibility of failure, but purists feel it’s the cheater’s way, and an affront to all decent pound cakes. Imagine Martin Luther with a Bundt pan and a manifesto. A confectionary Luddite, if you will. Thanks for your time.

Fluffer What-er?

October 24, 2016October 24, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

It literally took the cookies longer to bake than make. And they only take 10 minutes to bake.

The Kid is kind, softhearted, and funny (although my child’s mortified when this news leaks). It all goes against the carefully cultivated image of a cranky old man, shaking his fist at neighborhood children who venture too near his yard.

The Kid’s role modle

I’d made some lemon cookies for The Kid, who was joining us for dinner. But they weren’t Petey’s thing, so I texted our offspring, to grab something sweet for Daddy on the way over.

I didn’t hear back, but I hardly ever do, so I just assumed that our conscientious child would deliver.

Only, The Kid either never received the message or forgot to procure. I’m not entirely sure which; my spawn was a little fuzzy on the details. But the upshot was, there was no dessert for Daddy.

The Kid was distraught. Our child was all set to miss dinner to get him something when I had a thought.It was a thought about my kitchen crush; Alton Brown.

I’d been reading the October issue of Food Network Magazine. And within its pages was an Alton recipe for peanut butter cookies. But it was as stripped down as an abandoned Cadillac in a sketchy part of town. It didn’t even have flour, for heaven’s sake (which means they’re gluten-free). Regardless, they were a hit.

So thank you Chef Brown. Call me maybe?

Chewy Peanut Butter Cookies

*(I haven’t tried it myself, but if there are peanut sensitivity issues you could probably sub in almond or sunflower butter)

pb-cookies

1 cup smooth peanut butter

½ packed brown sugar

½ cup granulated sugar

1 large egg

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon vanilla

¼ teaspoon salt

Heat oven to 350. Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper and set aside.

Alton mixes by hand, but at this point I just dumper everything into my mixer bowl and mixed until it just came together.

Roll dough into 1-inch balls. Place 6 on each pan, and flatten with the tines of a fork making the traditional cross-hatch.

Bake for 10 minutes, or until the cookies look dry and are lightly browned around the edges.

Let cool on pans for 2 minutes then place cookies and parchment onto racks until totally cool.I tried rolling the balls in dark cocoa powder to give them a hit of chocolate. It didn’t really flavor them, but when baking the cookies got an interesting pattern of black with light brown peeking through.

Which gave me an idea.

Before baking, I added orange gel food coloring into the dough until it was bright orange. I made the cookies about ¼ the size of the originals. After they baked and cooled completely, they looked very Halloween-y.

I then made a batch of the marshmallow frosting that I talked about a few weeks ago. hallo-1 Using the frosting I made cookie sandwiches. They’re pretty good right away, but if you make them, cover them, and let sit overnight, the frosting sets up, and won’t squish out the sides when you take a bite.

These littles cookies are very similar to a sandwich I’ve heard about. Called a fluffer nutter; it’s marshmallow fluff and peanut butter on spongy white bread that was created in New England in 1913.

Which is pretty horrifying. But if you don’t have the sandwich ingredients on hand for the small fry, you could give them approximately the same nutritional benefits by having them dine on cotton candy and gin (Of course, that’s assuming you always have cotton candy and gin in your kitchen–but who doesn’t? Amiright?).

Thanks for your time.

A baking lesson, plus there’s pie!

October 17, 2016October 17, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

I have a dirty little secret.Despite possessing a fair hand in the kitchen, I’ve never made a pie with which I was happy. I haven’t killed anybody, but nobody has ever asked for the recipe, or even seconds. Humdrum pies are my cross to bear. With grace and dignity I try to soldier on regardless of the back-breaking burden that fate has chosen for me (besides, my mom makes killer pies, and she’s very generous).

I acted as judge today at the NC State Fair. The contest was Gold Medal Flour “Best Pie” Contest. Because there were so many entrants, they broke us into 2 teams of 5 or 6 each. And we got down to work.Almost at the end of our team’s pies Lisa brought around a green silky pie with flecks of lime zest visible. It was called a key lime fudge. They gave us all pieces and we chowed down. I and one other judge at my table loved it. It was almost like two pies in one. The top layer was tart yet sweet. The chocolate layer was silky and lingered on the tongue. I never would have predicted that key lime and chocolate would be so delicious and my very faorite out of a huge assortment of pies.

And we had a ton of pie. At the end of our voting, I realized that even though I was there to judge, I had gained something I can carry with me to improve every pie I’ll make from now on.

The first lesson is buttermilk does very flavorful things to a pie crust.

Don’t roll you crust out too thickly, or it will not cook, and you will have a pale dough-ey crust,

Don’t neglect salt in both the crust and the filling.Apples can be problematic, cut them small enough so that they are cooked through. And taste them before you cook them. The last lesson was probably the most important.

Don’t decide you don’t like a food unless you have tasted it. And don’t prejudge a food, or flavors, or people. Even after living on this rock for more than a half century, delightfully, I am still able to have my socks knocked right off.

Melissa Bentley’s Key Lime Fudge Pie

Crust

key-lime-crust

1/2 Cup Sweetened Shredded Coconut

1 1/4 Cups Gold Medal All-Purpose Flour (plus more for rolling)

Pinch of Salt

1/2 Cup (1stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces, cold

3 to 5 tablespoons cream of coconut, cold, as needed

Filling choc-lime-pie 4oz Dark Chocolate, chopped

1 Cup plus 3 Tablespoons heavy cream

1 (11oz package) white chocolate chips

1 Tablespoon sour cream

1 teaspoon grated lime zest

1/3 Cup Key Lime Juice

Directions

Make the crust: Pulse the coconut in the food processor until finely chopped. Add the Gold Metal Flour and salt and pulse again. Add the butter to the mixture and pulse until butter pieces are pea-sized. Pulse in the cream of coconut one tablespoon at a time as needed, until dough comes together. Turn dough onto a piece of plastic wrap, refrigerate for up to an hour. Preheat oven to 375. Roll the dough on floured space until it is 1 inch larger then pie pan. Press into a 9-inch pan, crimp the edges. Set a sheet of foil over crust and fill with pie weights and bake for 15 minutes. Remove the foil and bake until bottom is cooked, 10 more minutes. Let cool completely before filling.

Filling: In a microwave melt the dark chocolate and 3 tablespoons heavy cream, stir until smooth. Let cool to room temperature about 15 minutes. Pour over pie crust and refrigerate for about 2 hours.

In a pan over medium heat, melt together the white chocolate chips and 1 cup heavy cream until smooth. Remove from heat and stir in sour cream, lime zest and lime juice. Pour into the cooled crust and refrigerate for 30 minutes.I’d like to leave you with a tip. If you need a heat source to keep something hot, hollow out a large pumpkin, and cut holes around it, for ventilation. Place a Sterno inside the pumpkin and light. Then set you dish on top. It’s very festive. Thursday I’m going back for another contest. I’ll report back and let you know what happened.

Thursday I’m going back for another contest. This time, it’s pecans (Woo Hoo!). I’ll report back and let you know what happened.

Thanks for your time.

Hey Tater

October 17, 2016October 17, 2016 / momsequitur / 2 Comments

So I was at the North Carolina state fair. I was acting as a judge in the North Carolina Sweet Potato Commission’s sweet potato contest. The direction was to come up with an item for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snack.

We’d had three or four creations so far and I was in for a massive shock with the next one.

First PBS, North Carolina agriculture celebrity, and our contest coordinator, Lisa Prince told us the name of the newest dish we were about to try. It was Sweet Potato & Chicken Hash Casserole. The Kid and I are big fans of any kind of hash. We can practically make a party out of it.Then she came around to give everybody a gander. Well…it didn’t really look like hash. It looked more like one of those hash brown casseroles (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, they are usually doctorate-level comfort food). So a nice creamy, cheesy baked sweet potato dish was coming up. Yeah, I could suffer through.

The recipe was then passed around, and I got really nervous. There were two ingredients that I usually don’t cook with, or eat; cream of chicken soup and (Horrors!) canned chicken meat. Before I learned to cook I used them pretty often, but I’ll admit it, I thought I was too good for them now.

And I didn’t see how the other two ingredients would work with each other or with everything else. Separately I liked them just fine, but I was afraid putting them together might result in a massive explosion.

This is what happens when you have an explosion involving blue cheese.

The ingredients were blue cheese and rosemary. See? It even scared you a little, admit it.

They started dishing out samples for us, and I started hoping somebody somewhere would hit the fire alarm, or the power would go out, or lightning would finally strike me down, or something. You see, when one is a judge in a cooking contest, one has to be a very big girl, and eat each and every thing that is presented—no whining.

So, I figured I take a tiny nibble, wash it down with a swig of water, and try to forget I ever had it in my mouth.

Only.Only it was delicious. I mean it. Somehow, that disparate combo of ingredients, when mixed together and heated became a completely cohesive dish that was awesome. I don’t understand what happened; I’m just chalking it up to some kind of kitchen miracle.

So without further ado, here is the recipe from Raleigh’s Julia Truelove. And I’m not joking; you have to try this for yourself.

Sweet Potato & Chicken Hash Casserole sweet-potato-cass 3 Sweet potatoes, peeled and shredded

2 10 oz. cans chicken breasts chunks, drained

1 can cream of chicken soup

8 oz. sour cream

2 eggs

4 oz. crumbled blue cheese

1 c Italian breadcrumbs, divided

2 T butter, melted

1 1/2 T chopped fresh rosemary

1/2 c finely minced onion

1 t garlic powder

1/2 t salt

1/2 t pepper

Preheat oven to 350. Spray a 9×13 Pyrex baking dish with nonstick spray and set aside.

In a large bowl, stir together the soup, sour cream, eggs, blue cheese, 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs, rosemary, onion, garlic powder, salt & pepper. Fold in sweet potatoes and chicken. Spread into the prepared baking dish. Mix the remaining 1/2 cup of bread crumbs with the butter and sprinkle over the top.

Bake for 1 hour; allow to sit for 10 minutes before serving.

Serves 6 – 8

Oh, and this crazy dish?It won first prize.

Thanks for your time.

Questions. I have questions

October 15, 2016October 15, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

Humans are funny.I constantly wonder what goes on in their heads.I feel that I have a curious, scientific soul and an inquiring mind. My family doesn’t see it that way. They just think I have a pair of nosey pants in size XXXL.

You’d think that since we’re all members of the family of man, the motivations of our fellow primates would be crystal clear. But every day I see people doing things that completely flummox me. What follows are just a few of the burning questions that torment me at night when I’m trying to fall asleep. They are the queries that I would love to present directly to the principle puzzler. But I’m afraid that instead of clarity, I’d wind up with a black eye.

On the road:

Is the car you’re driving borrowed? Because the Coexist bumper sticker doesn’t quite jive with you cutting me off in traffic and flipping me the bird.Do you feel that you are truly living up to your potential? You’re just steering with one hand and texting with the other—I’ll bet if you tried, you could put a brush between your teeth and paint a lovely portrait.

Would you mind turning down your music? Three of my fillings are now loose, and I’m pretty sure that my heart beating in time with your thumping bass is giving me a massive coronary.

Beauty and fashion:

What kind of maniac would desecrate something this beautiful?

What were you thinking this morning when you got dressed in the pouring rain, and decided, “Today is the perfect day to wear my bright red, brand-new, suede boots. Nothing better for fine suede than standing water and mud!”?

Regarding your very interesting hand and face tattoos…when exactly did you decide that normal society and conventional employment held no appeal?

Ma’am, have you ever actually been to a yoga class?

Social media:

You’ve been drinking and are convinced that now is the time to “drop a truth bomb” about religion, your boss, or your mother-in-law on your Facebook page. How ‘bout just turning off the computer and walking away Champ?

Sheesh.

Is the dress white, or blue, or a ridiculous waste of your limited time on this earth?

Is it really your business whether that Victoria’s Secret model has gained a few pounds or conversely, needs to eat a couple cheeseburgers?

Have you heard about this widow of a Nigerian minister who needs my help opening a bank account?

In the checkout line:What are you planning with 16 boxes of lime jello, turkey jerky, and a case of red lightbulbs?

In what manner does that sugar-free, fat-free, frozen tofu resemble ice cream?

Is Sandra Bullock really leaving Hollywood to become a gate agent for JetBlue? And did a woman in Altoona really give birth to a litter albino ferrets?

Producers of reality television shows:Could you just stop? Pretty please?

General unfocused questions that really bug me:

Is every head of human resources a cat owner named Susan who drinks cocktails from a pouch?

A bald man with a hairy back. What’s up with that?

How can one 52-year-old head have wrinkles, gray hair, and acne? Does that seem fair?

Is there any problem chocolate or new shoes can’t solve?

Oh my. I didn’t even know this was a thing…

Politics:

Questions for the politician;

Did your opponent actually drown a busload of orphan puppies, kick a nun, and cheat on his taxes? And does he really hate grits and college basketball?

Do you kiss your mother with that lying mouth?

Questions for the undecided voter;

Really? Thanks for your time.

All’s Fair

October 11, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

Other than chocolate-covered raisins, I don’t like chocolate and fruit together. And don’ bother me with raspberries—I hate those things. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Except.

Today I had a whoopie pie from La Farm. A whoopie pie is a sandwich made of two cakes, usually chocolate with some sort of filling. Thiers was vanilla raspberry.

And I loved it.

From the cake decorating competition at the fair.

In the calendar in my mind there’s a hierarchy of special days. First is Christmas-we get my mother’s cookies. Next is my birthday for the Dewey’s birthday cake I score.

Then in the fall, when the summer fades, and there is that heavenly, oh so welcome nip in the air is my third favorite day.

It’s the red-letter, always awesome, day we visit the North Carolina State Fair.But this year is even redder and awesomer than ever before. I was invited to attend the media preview day.

This annual event is held to allow the press to observe fair preparations and interview fair officials.

But best and most important of all (to me, anyway), was the unveiling of new foods that will be featured this year. And believe it or not, there was a lot of seafood, and not everything was fried.

The dip is in the center of the tray. This is only half of my intake…

The winner of the best new food was the warm creamy, cheesy fresh crab dip from Captain Nell’s. Also give their ingenious fried crab claws a try. The meat is fried, and then they leave on the claw to use as a handle.

Among the others were two kinds of ice cream, a Low Country boil with perfectly steamed shrimp, and Cuban sandwiches made into egg rolls. But three of the concessionaires greatly intrigued me.

Woody’s Wings had my favorite bite of the day. Bacon pimento cheeseburger egg rolls sound scary, but are almost sort of light, because the wrappers are crispy and they’re well fried. Woody likes to try out new creations at the fair. If it does sell, its put it on the restaurant menus. I think this one’s a keeper.Neomonde, who also has a restaurant/bakery in Raleigh, had Phoenician fish and chips. The fish was Pollock, and very tasty. The fries were tossed in za’atar; a spice mixture of thyme, sesame seeds, oregano, salt, and sumac. I have some of the herb mixture at home and use it on all kinds of things.

Za’atar potato salad

2 pound Yukon Gold potatoes, cooked tender, peeled, and cubed

2 shallots, sliced into rings, and slowly cooked in 1 tablespoon butter until amber colored

Dressing:

1 cup mayonnaise

¼ cup olive oil + 2 tablespoons olive oil

1 ½ teaspoon za’atar spice

Juice of 1 ½ lemons

Salt and pepper to taste

zaatar-potato-salad

Whisk together dressing ingredients.

Place spuds and shallots into bowl while still warm, drizzle 1 tablespoon olive oil, and juice of ½ lemon. Season. Gently toss.

Stir in dressing until potatoes are well-coated. Cover and leave at room temp until service, but no more than 1 hour.

Right before service, stir in last tablespoon olive oil, and check for seasoning. Serves 4-6, or me all by myself.

They had three kinds of dipping sauce: harissa, herb tzatziki, and a lemon tahini that was so good I plan on trying to duplicate it very soon. Like the za’atar, it would be good on an old shoe. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA And that brings us back to La Farm.

I love those guys. The Kid and I usually eat La Farm when we attend the Got To Be NC festival, in the spring. This year, they have a couple new breads. A spider bread, which is Italian dough made into the shape of a spider.

The belle of the ball though, was a new bread made with rice. rice-bread-1 They make a rice porridge from Carolina Gold, an heirloom variety and mix it sourdough bread. This is similar to Colonial era breads made by cooks with far less varieties of grain at their disposal. The result is chewy moist sourdough that I can’t wait to get a loaf of.

So, I guess I am technically a raspberry lover. But I’m not a complete convert. I will now indulge in raspberries. But only in whoopie pies, and only from La Farm.

Our state fair is truly a great state fair. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Thanks for your time.

It’s all for you, Gentle Reader

October 11, 2016October 11, 2016 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

Chef James is going to be very proud. hook-and-larder Chef James Clark is owner of the soon-to-be-opened food stall, Hook and Larder at the Blue Dogwood Public Market on Franklin in Chapel Hill. He’s also a friend who has made it his personal mission to mature my taste for seafood. I’m strictly a Filet ‘O Fish and Chicken of the Sea girl, which I think breaks his seafood-loving heart a little bit.

Well, today I ate six different denizens of the deep.

I had a date at the State Fairgrounds in Raleigh. It was the media luncheon, which introduced foods making their debut this year to the press. It was my first time.

A rare sighting of Casey, the state fair mascot, in the wild.

Steve Troxler, as commissioner of the NC Agriculture Department, is the traditional host of the fair. Because of the historic flooding caused by Hurricane Matthew (help if you can, and let’s keep those poor folks in our thoughts), he was in the field today, assessing and assisting. His deputy, David Smith acted in his stead.

We met on the main floor of the Dorton arena. We were warned to come hungry because we would sample new foods that were to be offered at the fair. I prepared by eating a very light dinner last night. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA I should have fasted for 6-8 weeks.

Beginning with the seafood: N&T Concessions had shrimp bites which were a hit at my table, a few had seconds. The Ragin’ Cajun had a Low Country boil with corn on the cob, potatoes, sausage, and perfectly steamed shrimp with truly delicious cocktail sauce. They also offered light and tasty blue crab hushpuppies. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Captain Nell’s had fresh crab dip, and ingenious claws in which the meat was breaded and fried with the claw still attached, which made a dandy handle. Their dip was warm, cheesy, and won best new food at the fair.

And then there was Neomonde, a Mediterranean eatery with a brick & mortar in Raleigh. On their menu were Phoenician fish and chips. The fish was Pollock, and delicious; perfectly fried with an extremely light coating. And the chips (fries) were tossed in Za’atar spice. Za’atar just happens to be the spice with which I am currently obsessed. It’s a mix of thyme, sesame, oregano, salt, and sumac; sumac’s a lemony, piney herb that Americans should eat more of. This mixture works on anything from dressing, to pork chops, to yogurt. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Woody’s Wings (locations in Raleigh and Cary) and Chef’s D’lites took a couple of common sammiches and made them into egg rolls. Oh man.

Chef’s transformed a Cuban and Woody’s made my favorite item of the day; a bacon pimento cheeseburger. I’m going back, getting more.

The pimento bacon cheeseburger egg roll. OMG.

And the dessert. La Farm bakery, a Cary institution and Mecca for carb-o-vores brought chocolate whoopie pies with vanilla and raspberry filling. They also had an interesting bread made with Carolina Gold rice. If the normal fare at the fair is a little heavy and common for you (who are you, anyway?), La Farm always brings it with awesome baked goods, and sandwiches full of gourmet delights. ice-cream-apple-pie And ice cream: NCSU’s Howling Cow had caramel apple crisp, and the John Deere folks had Elvis; banana/peanut butter. I polished off a scoop each. I know, I couldn’t believe it myself. But I suffered through it all for you, Gentle Reader. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA I was warned; I came hungry, and even wore my eatin’ pants. But both me and my pants were supremely uncomfortable on that long ride home.