Gentle Reader, this week there’s no time to chat because I have two big lemon recipes.
First is a pasta recipe adapted from a Barefoot Contessa dish. It will look kind of unappetizing at the beginning but cooks into a gorgeous, silky sauce. Also, it will splatter as it cooks, so use a screen.
Creamy Twisted Lemon Pasta
Yield: 4 servings
Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 or 3 cloves minced garlic
2 cups heavy cream
2 lemons
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
1 bunch broccoli
1-pound dried cavatappi pasta
½-pound baby spinach
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan
1-pint multi-colored small tomatoes, halved
Directions:
Heat olive oil in medium saucepan on medium, add garlic, and cook for 60 seconds. Add cream, zest and juice from lemons, 2 teaspoons of salt, and 1 teaspoon of pepper. Bring to boil, then lower heat and simmer for 15 to 20 minutes, until it starts to thicken.
Meanwhile, cut broccoli in florets and discard stem. Cook florets in a pot of heavily salted boiling water for 3 to 5 minutes, until tender but still firm. Drain broccoli and run under cold water to stop cooking. Set aside.
Cook pasta according to package directions in heavily salted water. When done, take out a cup of pasta water and set aside, then drain pasta and place it back into the pot. Immediately add cooked cream mixture and stir together over medium-low heat for 3 minutes, until most of the sauce has been absorbed into pasta. Stir in 1/2-3/4 cup of reserved pasta water to help sauce cling to the pasta and give it a silky mouth feel. Add spinach, Parmesan, tomatoes, and cooked broccoli and gently toss. Pour into large serving vessel, season to taste, and serve hot.
The next one is my take on a lemon icebox pie. It has a vanilla wafer crust with lemon zest, and an unexpected, creamy topping. It’s the perfect dessert to eat on the porch on a hot summer evening.
Twisted Lemon Icebox Pie
Preheat oven to 325.
Crust:
50 vanilla wafers
3 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
zest from 2 lemons
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup brown butter (melt butter then continue cooking, watching closely until the solids are caramel-brown and the butter smells nutty)
Put cookies, sugar, salt and zest into food processor or blender. Run until the cookies are small uniform crumbs. While the machine’s running, pour in butter and vanilla extract.
Place the crumbs into 9-inch springform pan and cover bottom and 2/3 of the way up sides. Use a straight-sided glass to press it into even layer.
Filling:
2-14-ounce cans sweetened condensed milk
1 & 1/4 cups strained lemon juice (from the 2 zested lemons and 4-6 more)
8 large egg yolks
1 teaspoon salt
Whisk filling ingredients until fully mixed and lightened in color, about 1 minute. Pour into crust, place pan on cookie sheet and place in oven. Cook for 25 minutes or until filling is mostly set and center is still a little jiggly.
Let pie cool on counter for 1 hour and then in fridge or freezer for at least 6 hours or overnight before removing from pan. To de-pan, run knife around edge, then open pan slowly in case of stickage.
Topping:
1 & 1/2 cups sour cream
3 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon salt
Whisk together and refrigerate for at least a couple of hours.
To serve:
Run serrated knife under very hot water before slicing. Drizzle on a spoonful of topping.
Try to stay cool, and I’ll see you next week for a longer visit.
Thanks for your time.
So, despite slumber parties being an endangered species, you’ve lost what was left of your self-protective candy coating, and your cotton-picking mind, and agreed to host a horde of ravenous tween Mongols.
But the result is the same: it’s a low-level special occasion, and you need to feed kids.
So, we decided to self-cater. I spent months searching for and auditioning recipes. I finally decided on about six items that were interesting but not too complicated, light and fresh, and could be made ahead and finished on-site.
The kids devoured the soda, chips and candy. The rest of the food was barely touched. We gave away as much of the carefully prepared food as we could, but there was still a ton of waste.
But I do have a few refinements.
For pizza: buy pre-made dough from a pizza joint, including whole wheat and gluten-free, if necessary. Have a couple different cheeses, pepperoni, sausage, and some veg. Don’t have more than three or four choices so they don’t become paralyzed by indecision. Let them make their own and just bake or grill them.
For tacos, make a visit to your local tortilleria (tortilla factory, they’re everywhere these days, just google them); they’re fresh and cheaper than the grocery store. Get corn tortillas for tacos and larger flour tortillas if you want quesadillas on the menu. Get a modest selection of toppings and let the kids create their own.
You must have munchies, but don’t get carried away. Jiffy Pop popcorn is fun, and a lot of kids have never seen it. I like a 50/50 spread: 50% chips and such, and 50% fruit, nuts, and veggies and dip. Popcorn falls somewhere in the middle. You can also make things like rice crispy treats, granola bars, and tiny little pb&j’s.
For sweets, have a Sundae bar with no more than three flavors of ice cream and a small selection of toppings. Just have plenty of cans of aerosol whipped cream. Small fry adore them—I know The Kid and Petey sure do.
For breakfast serve a make-ahead potato casserole, bacon, juice, and pancakes with plenty of drop in choices like nuts, chocolate chips, and fruit.
Thanks for your time.
With all due respect to the Gershwin Brothers and DuBose Heyward, they must have been high when they wrote, “Summertime, and the living is easy.”
Even when people lived very close to the land, in previous centuries, summer was no golden hazed, idealized dream world of fried catfish, starry nights, and summer breezes.
I am not even joking a little bit when I say I am over the summer already and impatiently awaiting the State Fair and sweater weather (the feelings may be exacerbated slightly by these hellish, fury-provoking flashes of heat I’ve been experiencing lately).
It’s chia pudding. Chia seeds are small pips which swell and soften when mixed with liquid. It’s similar to tapioca pudding but is so much quicker, easier, and healthier.
Milk-use anything from whole milk to fat-free; white, buttermilk, chocolate, or strawberry. Don’t use anything thicker than whole because it will become greasy cement. You can also use nut milk, coconut water, or fruit juice—cook’s choice.
Liquid sweetener-Honey, maple syrup, agave, corn syrup. If it’s sweet and you can pour it from bottle, you can use it.
Mix-ins and toppings-I love toasted pecans and dried cherries. But what about salted peanuts and dried banana? Or chocolate chips and biscotti pieces? Or pomegranate seeds and pistachios?
The whole idea of this chia pudding is that it’s stress-free and open to a multitude of interpretations.
Every year, the week before Memorial Day, she has a couple different crews come out. One is to spruce up the landscaping, and make sure the yard is clean and the bushes and trees are trimmed and neat. Another bunch wash and paint the outdoor furniture. And, a third team does maintenance on, and fills the pool.
Unfortunately, the neighbor and I only have a wave hello, comment on the weather kind of relationship, so I’ve never actually been invited to one of these Memorial Day pool parties. But I’ve thought about them, and in my mind, they’re potlucks.
The sweet is a cool, creamy lime/pear jello recipe that has been a family favorite for literally, decades. It’s named after that seventies toy/curiosity, Slime. The savory is a new pasta salad based on one from a new local grocery store, Sprouts. It has no mayo, so it’s perfect for an outdoor dining (Look Ma, no salmonella!).
Prepare a large box of lime Jello according to package directions. When cooled, but not set, pour into a blender along with one 15 oz can of pears, drained, and one 8 oz block of cream cheese, softened. Blend until completely smooth. Pour into mixing bowl and fold in one packet of Dream Whip (Whipped topping mix found in the baking aisle. Can substitute thawed, 8 oz tub of Cool Whip) which you’ve made according to directions. Let set for at least four hours before eating. I consider it a dessert, but there are folks who call it salad. So…
You can use angel hair or spaghetti, then break it into approximately 2-inch pieces. Or, in the Latin food section of your grocer is something called fideo; it’s short pieces of angel hair pasta. And, it runs between 33 and 50 cents a bag.
Juice and zest of 1 large lemon (about ¼ cup)
Whisk together lemon juice and zest, oil, sugar, salt and pepper. Taste for seasoning, and re-season, if necessary. Fold in tomato, garlic, and capers. Cover and refrigerate for 6-24 hours before using.
A couple hours before service cook one 7.05-ounce or 200-gram bag of fideo in heavily salted wateruntil al dente (around 6-8 minutes). Strain and cool completely.
Here’s my opening line.
When this has happened in the past, and I’ve fretted about it to Petey, he’s suggested the opening line seen above. I always laugh, thank him, and tell him I’ll keep it in my back pocket (Care & Feeding of Husbands-Chapter 1.).
I do though, have some crazy weather facts about the Lapland region of Sweden that I discovered while doing research for this piece.
Furniture Store Swedish Meatballs
¼ teaspoons freshly ground pepper
2 tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped 
Serve with a simple starch like egg noodles or mashed potatoes and a dollop of jam. You can also serve on toasted and buttered bread like a split baguette or Texas toast.
Thanks for your time.
My brilliant idea kind of all started when I inadvertently found a new treat for my Whirlpool-sized pooch, Crowley.
On the other hand, freeze-dried fruit is completely desiccated. The process is known as lyophilization. Think the crispy, crumbly Styrofoam-like food sold in camping and survival stores and used by NASA and the military. What I had scored on the sale shelf was freeze-dried peaches.
They were like the taste of every peach I’d ever eaten. Every can of fruit cocktail, every bowl of cobbler, every Hostess fruit pie had combined to create this huge peach punch to my taste buds. One bite was my limit.
Which is brilliant, because you get buckets of taste and also as a bonus, it becomes a gorgeous heliotrope color.
Instead of plain jam added to the frosting, I added only two tablespoons of jam, and also a couple tablespoons of finely crushed strawberries. It lowered the amount of liquid I needed to use, and made the frosting less likely to get soft and run if the cake was in a warm environment. I also added a couple tablespoons of the crushed berries to the cake crumbs that I pressed into the sides of the cake. This turned the crumbs a really pretty, springy shade of pink; almost Barbie-ville.
Compound butter. Last week I talked about flavored butter and encouraged imagination and experimentation. So, imagine making a fruit compound butter. What about apples and cinnamon? For those of you with death defying taste buds, how about habañero/mango? Here’s one: An Elvis; freeze-dried bananas, finely chopped peanuts, and crushed crispy bacon.
Thanks for your time.
When the rich and famous are interviewed, very often they say the best thing about fame is the people they meet.
Trucks full of money? Oh no.
But people? Yeah, sure.
Just about five years ago, I was in line at Costco, and met the sweetest couple, Victoria and Jefe. They were Puerto Ricans and wonderful cooks of the island’s cuisine. I went to their house for a cooking lesson for the column, and we became friends.
They very much remind me of my parents, whose own generosity is legendary. Once they took me under their wing and decided to be my Caribbean God Parents, they went all in. We meet for coffees and I almost have to wrestle Jefe to let me pay once in a while. Every holiday that rolls around I have an adorable greeting note and gif in my email. They shower me with tons of homemade Puerto Rican foods and extravagant gifts.
So, as often as I can, I make food gifts for them. They’ve had my famous five-chocolate brownies, my brown butter chocolate chips cookies, and my mom’s magically addictive Christmas cookies.
It’s what is known as a compound butter. It can be one of your most versatile ingredients in the kitchen. The butter I made for Jefe and Victoria can be used on toast. But it would also go great on carrots, sweet potatoes, anything with warm sweetish flavors. Schmear it all over a ham biscuit.
I’ll give you the recipe for the butter. But what I’d like to have happen is for your imagination to be inspired. Use the butter on something new. Even something as simple as tweaking the proportions of the recipe I give you. Get in your kitchen and mad scientist some new butters.
A compound butter is kind of like Me
Take these butter ideas and run with them. Use the flavors that you and your family love. Then put the butter on all kinds of interesting foods.
My feelings toward spring are the very definition of bittersweet.
On the other hand, we get dogwood blossoms, and my April birthday, which brings with it obscenely frosted Dewey’s birthday cake.
Cake:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour two 8 or 9-inch round tins.
Carefully spoon batter into prepared cake pans and bake for 25-35 minutes. Start checking after about 22 minutes and remove from oven as soon as toothpick comes out clean, but moist. Cool in pan 5 minutes and then turn out onto cooling rack to finish cooling completely.
3 1-pound boxes powdered sugar
Dump all ingredients except the jam into mixer. Beat ingredients at low until it starts to come together. Put water in at this point, a bit at a time. Once it gets to creamy frosting and piping consistency, let it go on medium-high for 4 minutes. 
1-pint fresh strawberries
Frost with about half the remaining frosting. Smooth it as much as you can. Gently press the cake crumbs around the sides of the cake until it’s fully covered. 
Using a large star tip, put a border around the top and bottom of the cake. Place stars around the top in a decorative manner and top each with chocolate-coated strawberries. Cover and refrigerate at least six hours or overnight before service.
Thanks for your time.
This is the column I never wanted to write.
Because of having exacting standards for potato salad, there are very, very few store-bought or restaurant made varieties that I like. I can really only think of four.
Which was both a bummer and an opportunity. An opportunity because I was still looking for a topic for this week’s column. The same hand that slapped the potato salad-laden fork out of my mouth also handed me something about which to write. I decided to do some online investigation to make Pearl’s at home.
Two things I then knew for sure: the salad was made with russets, and it contained both mustard and relish, so I have to walk back that abomination thing, and the no mustard recipe was a fraud.
4 pounds russet potatoes cooked in boiling salted water until fork-tender
When the potatoes are barely cool enough to handle, peel. Cut all except one into cubes. Chop reserved spud and put into dressing bowl and give it a smoosh until it’s chunky/mashed. Add relish, onion, mustard, honey, mayo, and sour cream. Stir together until well combined. Season and reseason, if necessary.
Add still warm potatoes and eggs. Mix until everything’s coated. Season, cover and refrigerate for an hour. Serves 6-8.
Thanks for your time.
Although I have a deep and abiding love for it, I have a complicated relationship with Costco.
I often venture into that house-sized refrigerator where the keep their veggies and come out bearing a giant amount of this or that. Frequently, it’s their button mushrooms, that come in like a forty- or fifty-pound box.
What do we do with it now?
The other new, but really important ingredient was mushroom stock. I always discard the stems when I use mushrooms, but this time I tossed them into a pot with 2 cups of chicken stock, a handful of dried mushrooms, and a couple bay leaves. I then boiled it until it reduced by half, then strained it.
½ cup + 3 tablespoons butter, divided
Melt 3 tablespoons of butter in large, heavy pot. Add mushrooms, onion, thyme and rosemary. Season, then stir to coat. Turn to medium, cover and cook until the water’s released from veg. Uncover and cook until the liquid’s cooked out, and mushrooms start to brown. Pour in wine and cook until dry. Remove veg and set aside.
Preheat oven to 350. Add vegetables and noodles to pot. Stir until everything’s coated and veg are evenly distributed. Taste for seasoning and re-season, if necessary. Pour into greased casserole dish. Cover with parchment, then foil.
When I told him what we were having for dinner, he asked, “Isn’t this mushroom stuff just like something you’ve made before?”
bull city mom 