Anne Burrell is kind of a big deal at Food Network.
On Iron Chef America she acted as Mario Batali’s soux chef (second in command) for each battle in which he competed. She serves as an almost unbeatable coach on the show, “Worst Cooks in America”; both civilian and celebrity versions. She’s competed on All-Star episodes of Chopped, and again, almost always wins.
She’s a culinary expert with proof to back it up.
For some reason, though, Chef Anne decided on one episode of Worst Cooks to have the contestants bake a cake.
Remember, these contestants are folks who show up and make their signature dish of mole marinara spaghetti studded with peanut M&M’s or matzo ball gummy bear gazpacho. They believe that eggplants are some sort of purple bird egg and corned beef is both a meat (beef) and a vegetable (corn).
Shockingly, the recruits possess no baking skills or experience.
When it’s all said and done, baking is science. It’s chemistry. If you can read, follow directions and learn a few terms and techniques, you can be a successful baker. You may not be an inspired pastry chef, but you can turn out after school treats, bake sale cupcakes, and pie for Thanksgiving dinner without blowing anything up or killing anybody.
My English teacher, Mrs. Flood told me something that I’ve come to believe is true in most endeavors: first you have to learn the rules, then and only then can you bend and/or break them. She was talking grammar, but it applies to baking. Thus, when teaching novices, it’s imperative that they are taught best practices.
But Chef Burrell, unfortunately, didn’t.
While she was demonstrating making cake batter, she had to add eggs. And so she cracked them one after another on the edge of the mixer bowl. She then dumped them right into that bowl.
I let out an involuntary shriek and got angry on behalf of all the attentive students, both on the show, and at home watching.
First, you never crack eggs against an edge. That can drive tiny, invisible bits of shell into the contents. You may never even know they’re in there—unless of course those bits contain a few thousand microbes of some seriously sick-making variety. Then you will, I promise, know something has gone severely awry.
Secondly, you never dump egg from shell straight to bowl. An eggshell shard that has escaped along with the egg will be impossible to find and remove amongst the other contents. Nothing quells my appetite faster than eating an egg dish and feeling that crunch of doom as you bite down on an errant shell. 
And what if something is wrong with the egg? Do you want a bunch of blood in your white cake? Or what if it’s rotten? Yuck. You’ve just wasted every other ingredient that made it into your bowl before the eggs. And what if you don’t have enough on hand to recreate the recipe? You have to run to the store or abandon the project.
So, the grasshopper must be taught diligently, paying strict attention to proper procedure. Then when the educated cook chooses to cut corners, they take an informed risk. And if/when it gets screwed up, then I know I have only myself to blame.
Thanks for your time.
I really dislike coconut. The flavor is actually okay, especially in piña coladas made even more decadent with lots of ice cream. For me it’s a texture thing. The Kid, however, has no such exceptions. Coconut is dietary anathema. It does not pass my child’s lips in any form.
His favorite dessert has to be coconut cake, with many layers, lots of pastry cream filling and tons of 7-minute frosting. And each component jam-packed with sweet, white shreds of coconut. The man has a sweet tooth. As do I.
The Kid does though, have a big crush on shortbread. Walker’s, the brand with the red plaid boxes are a special favorite. Last year I made some for the child’s stocking. That recipe was okay, but wasn’t as rich and buttery as Walker’s.
Before baking, I cut the 9 X 13 pan of cookies into 40 pieces. There were ten on the short side and four on the long; long rectangles which are called ‘fingers’.
1 1/3 cups (2 sticks plus 6 tablespoons) butter, room temperature, plus more for pans
In the case of shortbread, less is most definitely more.
There’s just one problem. Inside that can of soup is five thousand ingredients, each of which has at least twelve unpronounceable syllables. And oy, the sodium–it’s really problematic for people who have heath issues like high blood pressure. But even if you’re otherwise fit, with enough sodium you could wake up so bloated you’re mistaken for a parade float.
Black rice, or forbidden rice, comes in almost as many varieties as white. It’s crazy healthy with more antioxidants than blueberries, and tons of fiber, iron, and vitamin E. The Chinese believe it’s very good for the kidneys, stomach, and liver. Like brown rice, it’s nutty and a little chewy. Unlike brown rice, Petey happily eats it.
The first thing I did was to tell Petey that tonight’s dinner would be a total experiment, and if things went south we might be dining on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
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bull city mom 