Gentle Reader, this week there’s no time to chat because I have two big lemon recipes.
First is a pasta recipe adapted from a Barefoot Contessa dish. It will look kind of unappetizing at the beginning but cooks into a gorgeous, silky sauce. Also, it will splatter as it cooks, so use a screen.
Creamy Twisted Lemon Pasta
Yield: 4 servings
Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 or 3 cloves minced garlic
2 cups heavy cream
2 lemons
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
1 bunch broccoli
1-pound dried cavatappi pasta
½-pound baby spinach
1/2 cup freshly grated Parmesan
1-pint multi-colored small tomatoes, halved
Directions:
Heat olive oil in medium saucepan on medium, add garlic, and cook for 60 seconds. Add cream, zest and juice from lemons, 2 teaspoons of salt, and 1 teaspoon of pepper. Bring to boil, then lower heat and simmer for 15 to 20 minutes, until it starts to thicken.
Meanwhile, cut broccoli in florets and discard stem. Cook florets in a pot of heavily salted boiling water for 3 to 5 minutes, until tender but still firm. Drain broccoli and run under cold water to stop cooking. Set aside.
Cook pasta according to package directions in heavily salted water. When done, take out a cup of pasta water and set aside, then drain pasta and place it back into the pot. Immediately add cooked cream mixture and stir together over medium-low heat for 3 minutes, until most of the sauce has been absorbed into pasta. Stir in 1/2-3/4 cup of reserved pasta water to help sauce cling to the pasta and give it a silky mouth feel. Add spinach, Parmesan, tomatoes, and cooked broccoli and gently toss. Pour into large serving vessel, season to taste, and serve hot.
The next one is my take on a lemon icebox pie. It has a vanilla wafer crust with lemon zest, and an unexpected, creamy topping. It’s the perfect dessert to eat on the porch on a hot summer evening.
Twisted Lemon Icebox Pie
Preheat oven to 325.
Crust:
50 vanilla wafers
3 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
zest from 2 lemons
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup brown butter (melt butter then continue cooking, watching closely until the solids are caramel-brown and the butter smells nutty)
Put cookies, sugar, salt and zest into food processor or blender. Run until the cookies are small uniform crumbs. While the machine’s running, pour in butter and vanilla extract.
Place the crumbs into 9-inch springform pan and cover bottom and 2/3 of the way up sides. Use a straight-sided glass to press it into even layer.
Filling:
2-14-ounce cans sweetened condensed milk
1 & 1/4 cups strained lemon juice (from the 2 zested lemons and 4-6 more)
8 large egg yolks
1 teaspoon salt
Whisk filling ingredients until fully mixed and lightened in color, about 1 minute. Pour into crust, place pan on cookie sheet and place in oven. Cook for 25 minutes or until filling is mostly set and center is still a little jiggly.
Let pie cool on counter for 1 hour and then in fridge or freezer for at least 6 hours or overnight before removing from pan. To de-pan, run knife around edge, then open pan slowly in case of stickage.
Topping:
1 & 1/2 cups sour cream
3 tablespoons packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon salt
Whisk together and refrigerate for at least a couple of hours.
To serve:
Run serrated knife under very hot water before slicing. Drizzle on a spoonful of topping.
Try to stay cool, and I’ll see you next week for a longer visit.
Thanks for your time.
So, it looks like slumber parties are quickly becoming a thing of the past for many. Because of the threat of disastrous social media postings propelled by the poor judgement of children combined with nervous helicopter parents, many families are opting out.
As best as I can tell, slumber parties became a mostly American thing after World War II. Madison Avenue sold the whole “suburban, two kids and a dog, backyard cookouts, summer vacations, car in the garage, wifey in the kitchen” scenario. Parents who just a few years earlier had learned that life can be changed forever in a moment wanted to live that safe and comfortable ideal.
Pajama parties declared to the world there was enough room, food, and fun to share. That here was an average middle-class families that belonged. Just like Donna Reed, Leave It To Beaver, and Ozzie and Harriot; they were neither different nor unconventional.
I grew up going to and throwing slumber parties. I consider myself somewhat of an authority on the rituals of mid-late 20th century pre-adolescent overnight accommodation festivities.
The guest list is usually populated from classmates. But there are always one or two kids that the host knows from scouts, or dance class, or somewhere else. This child will know no one else and unless of unusually strong personality, feels like a duck at an armadillo farm.
There will be a sad sack. This is a child with little or no sleepover experience who is both timid and quiet. Often the child’s presence on the guest list is at the mom’s behest and will be cousin, younger neighbor child, or child of a parent’s friend. 
The glamorous child. This kid is possibly a bit older, but definitely more sophisticated. In a room of tweens, she will be the only one with a bra and a boyfriend. Pajamas will be silky rather than snuggly and lip gloss will not be clear. Almost always gets her own way when she declares something is “lame”.
The suck-up. This is the same kid that in school reminds the teacher she forgot to assign homework. This kid is kind of a pill and will strongly object to most of the dares in “Truth or Dare”. But she will get help if things go south, and her mere attendance will keep the shenanigans from going from mischief territory into felony-ville.
At least one person will get their feelings hurt and there will be tears—often from the sad sack, but sometimes it will be the young hostess. Emotions are high at these parties, and the hormones flow like beer at a frat party. Normally the rest of the invitees will then go into protective mode and tissues, “I love yous”, and promises of undying friendship will abound.
There’s also a high probability that at least one child will call their parents to be picked up. Homesickness is the most desirable motivation, but much more likely will be the result of upset tummies and unsightly fluidic eruptions.
Thanks for your time.
So, despite slumber parties being an endangered species, you’ve lost what was left of your self-protective candy coating, and your cotton-picking mind, and agreed to host a horde of ravenous tween Mongols.
But the result is the same: it’s a low-level special occasion, and you need to feed kids.
So, we decided to self-cater. I spent months searching for and auditioning recipes. I finally decided on about six items that were interesting but not too complicated, light and fresh, and could be made ahead and finished on-site.
The kids devoured the soda, chips and candy. The rest of the food was barely touched. We gave away as much of the carefully prepared food as we could, but there was still a ton of waste.
But I do have a few refinements.
For pizza: buy pre-made dough from a pizza joint, including whole wheat and gluten-free, if necessary. Have a couple different cheeses, pepperoni, sausage, and some veg. Don’t have more than three or four choices so they don’t become paralyzed by indecision. Let them make their own and just bake or grill them.
For tacos, make a visit to your local tortilleria (tortilla factory, they’re everywhere these days, just google them); they’re fresh and cheaper than the grocery store. Get corn tortillas for tacos and larger flour tortillas if you want quesadillas on the menu. Get a modest selection of toppings and let the kids create their own.
You must have munchies, but don’t get carried away. Jiffy Pop popcorn is fun, and a lot of kids have never seen it. I like a 50/50 spread: 50% chips and such, and 50% fruit, nuts, and veggies and dip. Popcorn falls somewhere in the middle. You can also make things like rice crispy treats, granola bars, and tiny little pb&j’s.
For sweets, have a Sundae bar with no more than three flavors of ice cream and a small selection of toppings. Just have plenty of cans of aerosol whipped cream. Small fry adore them—I know The Kid and Petey sure do.
For breakfast serve a make-ahead potato casserole, bacon, juice, and pancakes with plenty of drop in choices like nuts, chocolate chips, and fruit.
Thanks for your time.
In 2018, Washington state representative Matt Shea wrote a document describing a “Biblical basis for war” against people who “practice abortion and same-sex marriage”. In it the currently serving, elected government official instructed: “If they do not yield, kill all males.”.
One is mind-boggling evil, one is outrageously ridiculous. But they are both depressing examples of the extreme ends of the spectrum. The ones that result in people fearing and hating them or finding them so whiney and absurd that even when they have something important to say, no one listens.
In political science, there is a phenomenon known as the horseshoe theory. It posits that rather than a straight line between pure communism on the left, and fascism on the right, it’s shaped like a horseshoe with the extreme ends residing very close together in belief and action.
This kind of ultimate extremism, whether it’s the driving force at the heart of an entire nation or an organization of true believers, can only be maintained by authoritarianism or totalitarianism. When those in power are completely convinced, down into their very marrow, that they have all the answers to all the questions, and only they know what is best for everyone. And this dominion must be maintained at all or any costs. They are absolute in their belief that the decisions they make, and any discipline or punishment meted out is necessary, in fact good, and even ordained.
But the only people who have all the answers and see the world solely in stark shades of black and white are fools, children, and fanatics. Sure, it’s easier and more comfortable to put our fellow man in neat little boxes like hero, villain, saint, and sinner, but all thinking, reasoning humans know that life doesn’t work that way.
Every one of us has a story. There were shady garden paths, dangerous rocky roads, and tricky confusing detours that got us to where we are at this moment. We’ve had missteps that have made us kinder, tragedies that have hardened us, miracles that have amazed us and made our souls a little brighter, and betrayals that have almost broken us. 
And yet, we regularly get out of bed in the morning to do it all over again. And most of us usually try to be our best selves. The selves that are shocked, horrified, and saddened by those zealots out on those horseshoe fringes.
We try to make the world around us a better, kinder place. We try to make the journey of our fellow man a smoother, more peaceful one. We try to help where we can and call out evil when we see it. We look within ourselves, and attempt to exercise our better angels, and exorcise our demons.
And if a member of a marginalized portion of the population says that something we or others say or do is hurtful, or frightening, or patronizing, we listen to them. And imagine if that person had your mother’s face, or your child’s, or your own. And try to understand and do better.
And remember, if your heart’s in the right place, you’re halfway home.
With all due respect to the Gershwin Brothers and DuBose Heyward, they must have been high when they wrote, “Summertime, and the living is easy.”
Even when people lived very close to the land, in previous centuries, summer was no golden hazed, idealized dream world of fried catfish, starry nights, and summer breezes.
I am not even joking a little bit when I say I am over the summer already and impatiently awaiting the State Fair and sweater weather (the feelings may be exacerbated slightly by these hellish, fury-provoking flashes of heat I’ve been experiencing lately).
It’s chia pudding. Chia seeds are small pips which swell and soften when mixed with liquid. It’s similar to tapioca pudding but is so much quicker, easier, and healthier.
Milk-use anything from whole milk to fat-free; white, buttermilk, chocolate, or strawberry. Don’t use anything thicker than whole because it will become greasy cement. You can also use nut milk, coconut water, or fruit juice—cook’s choice.
Liquid sweetener-Honey, maple syrup, agave, corn syrup. If it’s sweet and you can pour it from bottle, you can use it.
Mix-ins and toppings-I love toasted pecans and dried cherries. But what about salted peanuts and dried banana? Or chocolate chips and biscotti pieces? Or pomegranate seeds and pistachios?
The whole idea of this chia pudding is that it’s stress-free and open to a multitude of interpretations.
But at the very end of the show, Monty and his lovely assistant Carol Merrill would roam the audience. They’d pick a woman, and award $50 or so if she could pull a random item from her purse. It could be almost anything; a bobby pin, a spoon, a band-aid or a postcard.
When my dad asked me about upcoming columns, I told him I was toying with the idea of an inventory of my bag.
So what follows is a heavily redacted list—but only because of space constraints. The items may be numerous but are definitely not a risk to national security. Not top secret, just overly abundant.
I have approximately forty thousand consumer loyalty badges collected on a keychain which also holds a brass penguin and a souvenir fob from JFK airport that has the New York skyline on one side and DEBBIE on the other, which perpetually flashes off and on, thanks to a very reliable photocell.
There are many other objects, both sacred and profane in my old curiosity bag. Every time I reach into the black hole that is my tote, I find something that I’ve either forgotten about or is so unexpected I’m sure it must have been placed there by ghosts.
Thanks for your time.
Every year, the week before Memorial Day, she has a couple different crews come out. One is to spruce up the landscaping, and make sure the yard is clean and the bushes and trees are trimmed and neat. Another bunch wash and paint the outdoor furniture. And, a third team does maintenance on, and fills the pool.
Unfortunately, the neighbor and I only have a wave hello, comment on the weather kind of relationship, so I’ve never actually been invited to one of these Memorial Day pool parties. But I’ve thought about them, and in my mind, they’re potlucks.
The sweet is a cool, creamy lime/pear jello recipe that has been a family favorite for literally, decades. It’s named after that seventies toy/curiosity, Slime. The savory is a new pasta salad based on one from a new local grocery store, Sprouts. It has no mayo, so it’s perfect for an outdoor dining (Look Ma, no salmonella!).
Prepare a large box of lime Jello according to package directions. When cooled, but not set, pour into a blender along with one 15 oz can of pears, drained, and one 8 oz block of cream cheese, softened. Blend until completely smooth. Pour into mixing bowl and fold in one packet of Dream Whip (Whipped topping mix found in the baking aisle. Can substitute thawed, 8 oz tub of Cool Whip) which you’ve made according to directions. Let set for at least four hours before eating. I consider it a dessert, but there are folks who call it salad. So…
You can use angel hair or spaghetti, then break it into approximately 2-inch pieces. Or, in the Latin food section of your grocer is something called fideo; it’s short pieces of angel hair pasta. And, it runs between 33 and 50 cents a bag.
Juice and zest of 1 large lemon (about ¼ cup)
Whisk together lemon juice and zest, oil, sugar, salt and pepper. Taste for seasoning, and re-season, if necessary. Fold in tomato, garlic, and capers. Cover and refrigerate for 6-24 hours before using.
A couple hours before service cook one 7.05-ounce or 200-gram bag of fideo in heavily salted wateruntil al dente (around 6-8 minutes). Strain and cool completely.
Gentle Reader, I listen to music constantly; ear buds in, I wrap myself in the musical arms of whichever style and artist I’m in the mood for. Often, and alarmingly, I sing along, although my dulcet tones would sound more appropriate coming from rusty machinery or a bag of broken glass thrown out a window.
But there’s something about live music. The give and take between artist and audience. The shared affection of large groups for performer. Nuance and spontaneity that cannot exist in recordings.
Last weekend The Kid and I went to the Ritz, in Raleigh, to see 
The next band was 
During their first song, I decided they weren’t bad. Then they went into their second number, and along with the entire crowd, I watched it with my jaw on the ground. These guys were amazing. I could feel the delighted astonishment that flowed through the crowd. We were all musical Madame Curie’s and they were our discovery—we were instant fans.
Cochran had an endearing charm, the cheeky good humor that drummers are famous for, and the ability of the best classic rockers. Gorman’s guitar riffs and electronic sound manipulation had us all cheering and gasping in near-unison. Their singing and performances were glorious and so full of emotion, that at one point I was afraid the boys might have a stroke. Their cover of Neil Young’s Vampire Blues was so exciting and intense I wanted a cigarette when it was over.
They’ve recently been signed by a major recording label which will soon release the first single. I will keep you informed with date and info.
As musical “All About Eve” scenarios faded from my head, Graves played his first song, 
He played songs like
I just smiled and nodded my head along to the music.
‘Tis the season for road trips. I enjoy traveling to new and interesting places or well-loved homes away from home. But I really hate flying these days; it’s unpleasant in a multitude of ways. And, I’m not great sitting in cars for long stretches, but I’m working on that.
But, for me, being there makes my body anxious and cranky. Unfamiliar water makes my skin break out. It’s almost impossible to get a good night’s sleep. And, after a few days, my body starts to rebel if I’m not eating right.
My goal is to have a balance of carbs for energy, protein to keep me feeling full longer, and healthy fats, with fruits, veggies, and whole grains to keep my engine from seizing up. I want as flavorful and nutritious bang for my caloric buck as possible.
Those pre-packed snack boxes have the right idea, but usually are full of sugars, sodium, unnecessary fats, and chemicals. When it’s packed at home, it can be tailored to your own tastes. Mix something like semi-hard cheese, whole grain crackers, a hard-cooked egg, some grape tomatoes, and dried blueberries.
At Mickey D’s, breakfast is now served all day. The oatmeal is around 300 calories if you get it made without dairy; which is often just a container of their coffee creamer dumped in. There are whole grains, fresh apples, and dried fruit. The yogurt parfait is also a not horrible bite. It’s only 210 calories and has fresh berries and low-fat granola.
Sheetz, with their War and Peace-sized, fully customizable menu can also be an option. Their breads include whole-grain options, the meat can be grilled, and they have crispy greens to dress them. I made a tasty loaded rice and bean bowl with vegetables and guacamole for only 300 calories. You can build a salad for yourself—just ask for the dressing on the side.
Panera’s showing up along many highways, and they have a commitment to providing clean healthy food. Their green passion smoothie is 200 calories and full of fresh fruit and greens. They’ve introduced a new spinach salad full of good stuff that is very similar to their old spinach salad which I loved and have sorely missed.
*The title is a song from that classic road trip film, The Muppet Movie.
Good on the Carolina Hurricanes. They’ve advanced to the Eastern Conference Finals. They won four in a row in a best of seven tourney.
They quickly nixed that idea.
Which brings me to my first mystery.
I admit my science knowledge is lacking, but I just can’t wrap my head around no time zone.
What did we do before Google? Sometimes it would take days before Petey and I could remember who that guy was in that thing. I almost miss waking him up in the middle of the night yelling, “Mr. Whipple played the drunk guy in ‘Bewitched’!”. Just now, Google found that info for me in 1.1 seconds.
Thanks for your time.
bull city mom 