It’s time for the very welcome start of fall in NC.  It’s also time for the third round of “Would you rather?”.

This month my very special guest is Chef James Clark, executive chef of the Carolina Crossroads restaurant at the Carolina Inn, in Chapel Hill.  The Crossroads has recently undergone an extensive renovation, taking 18 months from planning to opening.

They had their reopening last Friday, but Petey and I were guests for something food types call a “soft opening” on Thursday.  It’s similar to a “shakedown cruise”, through which new ships go.  It’s to work out the kinks and address any issues that may arise.

What follows are the questions, and Chef James’ responses, just as he wrote them.

Would you rather?

 1.)Would you rather eat fast food every day for a year, or never eat breakfast foods again?

I guess I would bear the fast food for a year.  If grits are on the breakfast list of foods I can’t live the rest of my life without them.

2.)Would you rather give up eating pork forever or never cook with butter again?

 I could go without cooking with butter.  Giving up a pulled pork sandwich is OUT OF THE QUESTION !

3.)Would rather lose your sense of taste or smell?

Hmmm…I guess I would pick smell.

4.)Would you rather have a nut allergy or egg allergy?

 This is easy. Egg allergy since I don’t eat them- I would miss cake and Ice cream but I would miss Boiled Peanuts even more.

5.) Would you rather never bake again, or never fry?

 I would say I’d give up baking.

6.)Would you rather eat Crème Brule or candy bars?

 Crème Brule

 7.)Would you rather only use frozen fish sticks or instant grits?

This is the hardest question on the list by far for me because I have such a love for both and it pains me to say it “Sorry John Martin Taylor” but I would have to go with using instant grits there is no way I could live without good fresh fish.

8.)Would you rather give up pasta or potatoes?

Easy. Potatoes. I grew up eating rice with everything.  I never even had mashed potatoes until I started cooking.

9.)Would you rather smell like Limbuger cheese or durian fruit?

 That’s funny–I guess Durian.

10.)Eating alone–would you rather read or watch tv?

TV

11.)Would you rather never have mayo again or mustard…to eat and cook with?

 I could go without mustard, a life without Dukes is,  well……

12.)Would you rather give up beer or donuts?

Donuts.  It would be hard to pass up pulling in with the Hot Donuts Now sign on but an ice cold beer at the end of the night or fishing or after hunting would be missed way more.

13.)Would you rather become a vegetarian, or only eat processed meat?

 I hate this question but I would say the processed meats…I do love fried Bologna.

 14.)Would you rather give up your favorite food, or never try anything new again?

 This is another hard one but there is no way I could turn my back on fried chicken.

15.)Would you rather cook for the president, or other chefs?

Well since John Bell (I think Chef means John Bell, lead singer of Widespread Panic–debbie) or Hank Williams are not going to ever be president I will say Chefs for sure because no matter where you are from or what you cook we all have something in common–the love for food!

Chef James has not once in three years ever turned down any crazy request for this column, or me personally.  He teaches me something every time I see him.  He recently taught Petey what exactly is meant by “fine dining” (and possibly raised the culinary bar so high that he’s ruined forever Petey’s appreciation of my own amateur cookery attempts).

Next week I’ll talk about the Crossroads redo, and Petey’s epiphanic dinner.  I’ll also share a recipe from Chef James straight off his new dinner menu.  It’s a surprising, exciting, versatile pickle made from an item you’d never guess.

Thanks for your time.

I’m so proud of my child.

Working in the Southpoint area, The Kid has a vast multitude of meal choices.  From donuts to sushi, and everything in between.  There are markets chock full of frozen meals and processed grub.  Name a cuisine, identify a craving, and within a five mile radius, it can be sated.

Sometimes lunch is purchased or delivered.  But the more often, much more preferred route is food that’s brought from home.  Filling, healthy, inexpensive, meals.

About twice a month on a day off, The Kid goes shopping and buys all the provisions to make very large amounts of one or two dishes that will freeze well, and heat well in a microwave.

Both freezing and nuking have their own unique hazards.

When something freezes, its water becomes crystals with very sharp edges.  These blades cut into the cell walls.  This damages the structural integrity of the item, which can make it mushy.  The more water in a food, the more shredding that will occur.  Fruits and veggies with high water content do not hold up well.  Raw greens, celery, citrus are a few of the items that don’t like the sub-zero.  Thin dairy like custard, cream cheese and sour cream are also poor choices.  Conversely, long-term freezing will dry out food.  That’s the origin of freezer burn.

While a radar range can melt cheese in a flash, too much fatty dairy can separate, creating a greasy, unappetizing mess.  Meat can get rubbery, and bread products can transmogrify into granite.

Store your meals in food-safe plastic containers.  You can buy them from the deli, or pick up reusable bowls from the grocery aisle where the foils and wraps hang out.  I hoard sturdier take-out vessels from Chinese restaurants. It’s wise to label and date each item.  Extra insurance in the form of placing the packaged grub in a freezer zip-top bag before placing in the Frigidaire is smart.

During the last cooking marathon, The Kid made two items.  One a roasted tomato bacon soup and the other a chicken risotto made with the ancient grain of farro.  The recipe was adapted from RealSimple.com.

Slow cooker farro risotto

2 ¼ cups low-sodium beef broth

1cup whole farro

1pound cremini or button mushrooms, halved or quartered if large

2 leeks, white and light green parts only, halved and sliced

1 3-inch piece Parmesan rind and 1/3 cup grated Parmesan, plus more grated for serving

1 bay leaf

Kosher salt and black pepper

4 small boneless, skinless chicken thighs (about 1 pound)

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces

3 cups baby greens, like spinach or arugula

Caramelize mushrooms and leeks in a skillet with 1 tablespoon of olive oil.  Pour in ½ cup white wine, and cook on medium-high until the pan is dry.  Combine with the broth, farro, Parmesan rind, bay leaf, 1¼ teaspoons salt, and ¼ teaspoon pepper in a 4-6-quart slow cooker. Top with the chicken.

Cover and cook until the chicken is tender, on low for 4-4 ½ hours or on high for 3-3 ½.

Discard the Parmesan rind and bay leaf. Using two forks, shred the chicken into large pieces. Stir in the butter, grated Parmesan, and baby greens.

Serve with additional grated Parmesan.  Makes about 6 servings.

I’m not naïve, cooking from scratch takes time and effort.  But your body, spirit, and bank account will all be healthier with each home-cooked meal.   And to me, that’s a bargain.

Thanks for your time.

In the thousands of decisions we made while raising The Kid, there are two biggies that I really regret.

We really made a huge boo-boo when we picked the “free will” option for our child.

I honestly don’t know what the heck we were thinking.  If I hadn’t been an abstaining pregnant woman, I would’ve thought a disastrous decision like that could have only been made under the influence of hard liquor.  Maybe it was a virulent, raging case of pregnancy brain.

Life would run so much more smoothly if The Kid (and Petey too, for that matter), just accepted that I always know best.  Frankly, everybody’s life would be simpler and happier if the population of earth would just do what I say.

The second regret are the eats we fed to our offspring during childhood.  At the time, my cooking abilities were not only lacking, so was my interest and desire for kitchen work.  After school snackage was an embarrassment of pre-packaged, processed and fast food.

So please, let me be your “don’t bee” and cautionary tale, and offer a healthier, fun alternative.

Roll-ups are extremely flexible.  And not only do they make a great snack, they can adapt to breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  You’ve got countless options for both the roll and filling.  The kids can get involved, which makes a greater likelihood of it being eaten; and not traded in the lunchroom, or fed to the dog.

The outer roll part can be anything that’s malleable and flat.   Whole grain or veggie wraps.  Crust-less whole wheat bread that has been subjected to a couple of passes by a rolling pin works really well.

And then there’s the unexpected roll of an omelet.  Japanese folks and Koreans are already familiar with them.  Half sushi, half frittata, they’re cheap and nutritious.

Omelet roll

2 eggs

2 tablespoons water

1 tablespoon butter

Salt & pepper

Have your filling prepped and ready to go before you start the eggs.

With an egg beater or immersion blender, beat eggs and water until lighter in color, and foamy.

Heat a 10 inch non-stick skillet on medium.  Drop in half the butter and let melt.  Pour in half the egg mixture and swirl pan to cover the entire bottom.  When the egg has cooked enough to flip, do so, and cook just for a minute, or until set.  Remove to a piece of plastic wrap.

Repeat with second egg.  While still warm, fill and roll.  Refrigerate until cool, and slice each into 4 segments while still wrapped with plastic to make sure it stays together. 

Serves 4 as a snack, or 2 as a meal.

Using something gooey as the foundation is helpful.  Cream cheese or its lower fat sibling Neufchatel is a great choice and works as well for cucumber and spinach as it does for shaved apples and a dusting of cinnamon/sugar.

One roll-up that is bound to be a favorite is a nutty banana.  Schmear a little almond butter on your wrapper and then lay a whole banana on top, cut for length.  Roll it up, and slice.  Or, even simpler, use peanut butter and jelly (this is really yummy on the flattened whole wheat).

For the lunchbox, use an egg wrapper or whole grain wrap, and layer soft cheese, and thin slices of rotisserie chicken, then layer Roma tomatoes sliced into strips and baby spinach leaves down the center.  Roll, secure with toothpicks, and slice.  Round out the meal with some sliced veggies and a small bowl of hummus or tzatziki, for dipping.  Fruit kabobs are a fun dessert that can be tailored to season and taste.

Eating well should be second nature.  Don’t make a big deal of it and it will become a life-long habit for your offspring.  We eventually cleaned up our diets, and now our child eats well, and stays away from most processed grub by choice.

But don’t be too strict about things, or fast and processed foods will be forbidden fruit, and that’s the surest way to overdo it.  Because even The Kid will tell you there’s nothing wrong with an infrequent visit to JJ Fish and Chicken, or the Dog House.

Thanks for your time.

He said it was good, and had seconds.

Now for anyone else, this might not sound very enthusiastic.  But for Petey, my profoundly low-key husband, it was the equivalent of running up and down the street, waving his arms and speaking in tongues…while wearing a sequined fez, and a light-up, spinning bow tie.

In the past couple of weeks, I’d been reading, on various websites, about this miraculous, one pot, nine-minute pasta dish.  It came from Puglia, Italy, by way of Martha Stewart.

It was a tomato/basil thing with linguine, and red pepper flake.  I loved the idea of a one pot dish that makes its own sauce, but wasn’t thrilled with the ingredients.  I love a more Northern Italian vibe, with butter and cream; white instead of red.

Slate had an article about the one pot wonder in which they suggested different takes.  There were no directions; they were more jumping off places.  One had some corn and shallots, and I think mascarpone.  It inspired this recipe.

9 minute corn and rotelle

1-12 ounce box rotelle pasta

3 leeks, white and light green part, sliced thinly

2 tablespoons butter

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 ½ cup frozen white corn, thawed

Zest of 2 lemons

Juice of 1 lemon

2 cups chicken stock

2 cups water

¼ cup chopped fresh parsley

8 ounces brie, room temp, rind removed and cut into smallish cubes

Salt and pepper

In a large heavy pan, melt butter.  Place in leeks and sauté until liquid has cooked out, and it’s lightly browned.  Put in garlic, and cook until fragrant.  Stir in pasta.

Put in corn, lemon zest, juice, stock, water, and about 1 teaspoon salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper.  Stir well.  Give it a stir every minute or so, making sure to bring up pasta from the bottom, and sending the pasta from the top deep into the pot, so that all the rotelle gets cooked.  Cook for about 9 minutes, until the pasta is thoroughly cooked and the remaining liquid has reduced and thickened to a sauce-like consistency.  Remove from heat.

Gently stir in brie until completely melted, then mix in parsley.  Check for seasoning, and serve.  Serves 4-6.

I found in the grocery store a new type of pasta.  It’s called ‘white fiber’.  It has whole grain, and thus 3 or 4 times the fiber, but it isn’t gritty like whole grain pastas tend to be.  The brie I use is the President brand, and is carried in almost every supermarket.  It’s definitely not fancy; in fact I’d almost call it the Velveeta of bries.  But, it’s inexpensive, and The Kid and I love the taste of it.  It’s like butter-flavored cheese (or cheese-flavored butter).

While the pasta was cooking I made “ice cream”.

Banana pineapple buttermilk sorbet

2 very ripe bananas, frozen

2-3 cups pineapple, frozen

1 cup fat-free buttermilk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Pinch of salt

Throw everything into blender or food processor and puree until creamy and the thickness of soft-serve ice cream.  Put into a freezer safe container and freeze until solid.  Makes about 4 cups.

I ate it straight out of the container, but I think this would be life-changing on toasted pound cake with a drizzle of warm caramel sauce, and toasted shards of coconut.  Or you can use it for smoothies or decadent frozen piña coladas.

I really liked the sorbet, but I think Petey hated it with the fiery, burning, passion of a thousand suns.  He said, “It’s okay, but not my favorite.”

Thanks for your time.

I’ve been on a tear this week.  Saturday The Kid and I went to the farmers market and wallowed in gorgeous late season produce.  I got the fixings for my favorite summer treat; a tomato sandwich.  I also picked up a pint of mixed tiny tomatoes—just because they were so adorable.

Last night I took those baby tomatoes, and turned them into a delicious marmalade.

Tomato-onion marmalade

1 pint mixed small tomatoes, like cherries and grapes, washed, but not cut

½ onion sliced thinly into half-moons

¼ teaspoon dry thyme

¼ teaspoon fresh rosemary, chopped very finely

1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon olive oil

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon pepper

2 teaspoons granulated sugar

Put everything into a small heavy bottomed sauce pan.  Cook on medium low for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.  When the tomatoes start to split, press them against the side of the pan with the spoon, to pop them.  In addition to it being very satisfying, popping makes them break down quicker and get nice and jammy.  Turn burner down to low, and cook until it’s thickened and of spreading consistency, stirring every 5 minutes or so (total time, 45-60 minutes).  Take off heat.  Refrigerate when cool.

Makes ¾-1 cup.

This is really versatile.  You could use it on fish or poultry.  Stir it into pasta or rice, or slather it onto a hamburger or hot dog.  It’s also really tasty on toast.  I had it smeared on an English muffin for breakfast this morning.

But…today I invented the marmalade’s perfect partner.

This morning I was in the kitchen, and my self-rising cornmeal caught my eye, and got me thinking.  I wondered if I could make a really simple corn muffin along the lines of an old-fashioned pound cake.

Traditionally, a pound cake is made with a pound each of flour, butter, eggs, and sugar.  Purely as an experiment, I decided to try something similar.  One would be the magic number for my muffins.

Loneliest number corn muffins

1 cup self-rising cornmeal

1-14.75 ounce can of creamed corn

1 egg, beaten

1 tablespoon brown sugar

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 pinch salt

Preheat oven to 375.  Put 6 liners into a muffin tin.

Whisk together corn, egg, sugar, and olive oil.  Stir in flour and salt just until it is fully moistened.  Don’t worry about any lumps in the batter—they’ll cook in.

Put 1/3 cup batter into each liner.  Bake for 18-20 minutes or until set and browned around the edges.  Spin pan 180 degrees halfway through baking.

Dress with tomato marmalade or spread with butter and drizzle on a little honey.

I still can’t quite believe how well this crazy endeavor came out.  I was fully prepared for anything up to and including explosions and/or the muffins becoming sentient, climbing out of the oven, and running amuck; a roving band of marauding baked goods.  I just didn’t really expect success.

These muffins would be a great recipe for a novice cook or a child.  They’re easy, and each ingredient plays an integral role in the finished product; which makes a practical lesson in the chemistry of baking.

You can also customize the muffins to your taste or the meal in which they’ll be served.  Think cheese, berries, or bacon.

I’m feeling pretty darn pleased with myself today.  I just hope I can hang on to this feeling the next time I screw up big time in the kitchen.

And it’s definitely coming; it’s only a matter of time.

Thanks for your time.

Caesar salad was not named for the Roman emperor.  It was named for the restaurateur who invented it; an Italian guy in Tijuana named Caesar.

Popsicles originated with a kid who left a cup of juice out on the porch one very cold night.

Onion rings were first made by a clumsy short order cook who accidently dumped a load of sliced onions into some pancake batter.  He then made the conscious decision to dump them in the deep fryer.

And last night I invented broccoli pecan pesto.

This summer I’ve been growing basil.  But because basil has black licorice undertones, I only like it in small doses.  I use it more as a flavor accent.  So traditional pesto is not something toward which I gravitate.  But I really like the idea of a fresh green dressing for pasta.

In Italian pesto means “grind”.  Pesto with basil is traditional, not mandatory.  In any specialty store you can find pestos made with lots of different things, like tomatoes, artichokes, and olives.  So continuing the long tradition of anybody or anything not being the boss of me, I decided to make a fresh green pesto using some broccoli I’d picked up on sale at Lowes.

Pesto usually has handfuls of basil, olive oil, garlic, Parmesan, and pine nuts or walnuts.

I’m not crazy about walnuts, but I do really like pine nuts.  There are two big problems with pine nuts, though.  First, I didn’t have any on hand, and I wanted to make the dish just using stuff I had at the house.

And the next, but far more serious problem, Chinese pine nuts can cause dysgeusia.  It’s a disease that causes you to grow gills and a tail…just joking, it’s really when your sense of taste gets shut down.  And since it’s not always possible to know from where your pine nuts originated, I usually just steer clear.

Lucky for me, though, my sister-in-law’s family has pecan orchards.  Each year, after harvest, I get 3 or 4 gallon zip bags of whole, shelled nuts.

So pecans it would be.

One good thing about this recipe is that it’s put through a food processor so you can use quite a bit of the stem.  I like steamed broccoli stems, but many people don’t (hello, Petey).  This way, they’ll never even know.

You’ll have extra pesto.  Just put the rest into a container, label it, and stick it into the freezer for future use.

Make sure you don’t drain the pasta before mixing in the sauce.  Take it from the water straight to the sauce.  The starchy water lets the pesto coat each strand.

Broccoli pesto pasta with chicken

2 broccoli crowns, cut into florets, leaving some stem

1/2 small onion

3-5 cloves garlic

¼ cup Parmesan + more to finish

¼ cup pecans

¼ cup olive oil

Juice of ½ lemon

Salt and pepper to taste

Up to ½ cup water

Put everything except water into food processor, and puree. Add water, a little at a time, until it’s pesto consistency.

Creamy pesto pasta

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 boneless chicken breasts cut into 1 inch cubes

2 cups pesto

½ cup white wine

½ cup skim milk

½ cup heavy cream

16 ounces spaghetti

Salt and pepper

Heat large skillet on medium-high.  Bring another large pot of heavily salted water to boiling.  Cook pasta for a minute less than the instructions. 

Pour olive oil into skillet.  Season chicken, brown, and remove from pan.

Put pesto into the same pan, and cook until it’s heated through and tastes cooked (about 5-7 minutes).  Pour in wine and cook until the liquid is absorbed and the pesto has tightened up.

Whisk in milk and cream, and bring to rolling boil.  Continue cooking until thickened.

Remove pasta from water with tongs or a slotted spoon, and put directly into sauce.  Cook for a minute or so, adding a little pasta water if it’s too tight.  Stir in a handful of Parmesan, and plate.

Serves 4-6.

I loved inventing a recipe that turned out to be tasty.  I may not be the Wizard of Menlo Park, but it turns out I’m the conjuror of the cul-de-sac.

Thanks for your time.

Round 2

A couple months ago I decided to reach out to some chefs and ask them to play a game of “Would you rather?” with me for publication in the Herald Sun.

Almost every chef said yes.  Just like always, when I ask for help, they jump right in with both feet.  Not counting their grub, the very best thing about food folk is unfailing generosity.  Along with gallows humor and potty mouth, it’s a trait common to the breed.

This week two chefs will be playing; Chef Jason Cunningham executive chef of the Washington Duke Inn (3001 Cameron Blvd, Durham), and Chef Tanya Catolos, chef/owner of the late, lamented Daisy Cakes.

What follows are the questions, and their answers, just as they wrote them.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

1.) Would you rather eat fast food every day for a year, or never eat mushrooms again?

Chef Jason- I could never eat fast food every day so I would miss my mushrooms.

Chef Tanya- Never eat mushrooms again.

2.) Would you rather give up eating pork forever or never cook with butter again?

Chef Jason- I can cook without butter but I can’t give up pork and I would still eat butter.

Chef Tanya- Give up pork.

 3.) Would rather lose your sense of taste or smell?

Chef Jason- This is just impossible.

Chef Tanya- Taste.

 4.) Would you rather have a nut allergy or egg allergy?

Chef Jason- Nuts.

Chef Tanya- If it were one nut, then nuts but if it were all nuts then egg allergy.

 5.) Would you rather never bake again, or never fry?

Chef Jason-Bake.

Chef Tanya-Never fry again.

6.) Would you rather eat creme brûlée or candy bars?

Chef Jason- Creme brûlée side by side on a table but I love a good chocolate bar.

Chef Tanya- Creme brûlée

 7.) Would you rather only use frozen fish sticks or instant grits?

Chef Jason- I can’t stand fish sticks.

Chef Tanya- Instant grits…I guess.

8.) Would you rather give up pasta or potatoes?

Chef Jason- Again impossible.

Chef Tanya- Potatoes

9.) Would you rather smell like Limburger cheese or durian fruit?

Chef Jason- Durian topped with Limburger- all in or nothing…

Chef Tanya- Cheese.

10.) Eating alone–would you rather read or watch TV?

Chef Jason-Watch TV.

Chef Tanya-Read.

11.) Would you rather never have mayo again or mustard; to eat and cook?

Chef Jason- Mayo but I would probably end up making mayo using my mustard.

Chef Tanya- Mayo.

12.) Would you rather give up beer or doughnuts?

Chef Jason- Doughnuts.

Chef Tanya-Doughnuts.

13.) Would you rather become a vegetarian, or only eat processed meat?

Chef Jason- If a choice between Vegetarian and SPAM/SCRAPPLE I’m going vegetarian (though I would cheat).

Chef Tanya- Vegetarian.

14.) Would you rather give up your favorite food, or never try anything new again?

Chef Jason- I would certainly find a new favorite if I were able to try new things.

Chef Tanya- Give up favorite food.

15.) Would you rather cook for the president, or other chefs?

Chef Jason- Chefs.

Chef Tanya- Other chefs

It’s funny what you can learn about each chef, by the way they answer the questions.

Almost universally, they eschew fast food.  And enjoy beer.  Bakers won’t let anybody get between them and butter.  And no matter their political bent, they all love cooking for others of their own ilk.

With short hair, almost military posture, and a quiet, low-key presence, Chef Jason strikes one as a serious, law & order kind of guy.  Who knew he has the soul of a pirate?  He can’t live by your rules, man!

But both chefs have a wide adventurous streak.  I think the worst thing that could happen to these guys, or any chef really, is inertia.  The best way to make a really unhappy food person is to put the brakes on learning and experimentation.  They’re like sharks; when sharks stop swimming, they die.  When chefs can’t evolve, they become cranky, and eventually wither.

Thanks for your time.

I’ll bet the vast majority of you have one.  And I’ll bet that it’s in the back of a cabinet, or on a high shelf, or in a box in a dark corner of ‘that’ closet.

I’m talking about waffle irons.

I use mine about every 6-8 weeks to make traditional waffles.  That’s probably more frequently than most.  Why’d I say “traditional waffles”?

Because those crispy on the outside, soft in the middle dreamy things are but the tip of dimpled iceberg that can be created with a free-standing, electric maker of waffles.

First though, let’s talk about waffles, that jackpot of slumber party breakfasts.  They’re awesome.  And easier than flapjacks, so get out your maker, give it a wipe, and put it to work.  It’s a breeze to whip up a batch from scratch, and then you win the weekend.

Basic waffle batter

2 eggs, beaten

1 2⁄3 cups milk

1⁄3 melted butter

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

3 tablespoons brown sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon vanilla

Put milk and butter into a small saucepan, and melt on low.  Remove from heat and allow to cool to lukewarm.  Stir in eggs, brown sugar and vanilla.

Whisk together dry ingredients.  Pour wet ingredients into dry and whisk gently; just until fully mixed. Allow to sit 15-20 minutes.

Heat waffle iron.  Pour in the manufacturer’s recommended amount of batter and cook until golden-brown and cooked through. 

If you want to make blueberry, chocolate chip, pecan or something else, sprinkle on the goodies after you’ve put the batter into the iron.  That way it’s well-distributed, and with plain batter, everybody can choose their own filling.  You could even have a waffle bar.

Store covered batter in fridge up to 5 days.

So you’ve got your plate of breakfast.  Don’t put that thing away!  I’m about to rock your world with all the stuff you can make better and easier by cooking with an iron.

Tater tots:  Oh yeah, tater tots.  Cover the surface completely with thawed tots.  It’ll require some squeezing to close the lid all the way, but do it.  Let them cook for about 4 minutes and they’re crispier than fried, plus cooked without any additional oil.  Top ‘em with a poached egg, and I’m coming to your place for breakfast.

Quesadillas: Lightly butter one side of a flour tortilla and put that side down.  Sprinkle some shredded cheese, and some veggies and maybe some chicken, then top with another buttered tortilla and close.  Cook 3-5 minutes, or until hot and crispy on the outside, and melty in the middle.

Omelets:  Beat your eggs in a blender so you’ve whipped in tons of air.  Pour in the egg, taking care to not overfill.  Sprinkle in your fillings, close, and cook for 3 minutes.

Cornbread:  Imagine floating a cheesy cornbread waffle on the top of a bowl of chili.  Just fill with batter and cook ‘til browned.

Fish cake and falafel: I know they are very different foods, but try saying “fish cake and falafel” out loud without grinning.  Cannot be done.

Grilled Panini:  Cheesy bacon, or Reubens, perchance?

If you don’t own one, I’ve done some research.  Kohls’ wafflers start at $25.00, and Target has 4 models under $20.00, and one’s a Mickey Mouse iron, and another’s a Minnie.  Also, yard sales and thrift stores are great places to score practically unused makers.

Because those former owners, unlike you, my learned friend, had no idea what they could really do.

Thanks for your time.

I was sitting in an ice cream parlor in downtown Aguadilla, near the Coast Guard base in Puerto Rico where we lived.  A cow parallel parked and tied up at the curb in front of the store caught my eye.  Even at 10 years old I had a pretty dented sense of humor, so the sight of a bovine acting like a Buick was pretty darn funny to me.

Suddenly, my amusement turned to confusion, and then horror.

A man walked up to my hilarious cow, pulled out the ubiquitous machete owned by every individual in Puerto Rico, and with one lightening stroke—cut off Bessie’s tail!

The beast let out an infuriated and pained moo as her assailant calmly walked away.  I was stunned into queasy muteness.  I didn’t finish my ice cream that day.

But if that machete-wielding bandit had seen the prices I’ve seen lately, I can almost understand his larcenous heart.  Oxtail; which used to be a very inexpensive cut, has become trendy, with pricing to reflect that popularity.

I’ve long wanted to try cooking oxtail but am not willing to pay $8-10 dollars per pound for an experiment.  Luckily, while in Kroger recently, I spied vacuum-packs that were “reduced for quick sale”.   Purely for research purposes, I grabbed a bundle.

For the uninitiated, oxtail actually is a tail, and comes from oxen or more frequently, cattle.  A package will consist of pieces which are about 1-2 inches thick, and because tails are tapered, they’ll range in width from roughly 3 inches across, to slightly less than an inch.

The finished product was literally falling off the bone and a revelation of tender unctuousness.   It’s jam-packed full of collagen, which melts during cooking and produces a luxurious mouth feel.

Oxtails with mushrooms

Oxtails:

2 pounds oxtails

Seasoned salt of your choice

3 tablespoons butter

3 tablespoons olive oil

All-purpose flour

When you bring home the oxtails, liberally dust them on all sides with seasoning salt before refrigerating.

Mushrooms and stock:

1 cup dried, assorted mushrooms

1 quart water

3-6 sprigs rosemary

Handful fresh thyme

10-15 peppercorns

2 bay leaves

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

1 tablespoon soy

1 teaspoon salt

Sauce:

Mushrooms and stock

1 yellow onion, chopped

4 cloves garlic, diced

1 teaspoon dried thyme

2 bay leaves

2 tablespoons tomato paste

1 cup dry sherry

1 tablespoon horseradish

1 teaspoon porcini powder (optional)

Roux:

1/2 cup butter

2/3 cup flour (can use flour from dusting ox tails)

Mushrooms:

Fill a sauce pan with 1 quart of water.  Drop in mushrooms.  Bundle rosemary, thyme, pepper corns, and bay leaf into piece of cheesecloth (a bouquet garni).  Drop into water.  Add Worcestershire, soy and salt.

Boil for 3 minutes then turn off heat and let sit for 20-30 minutes to fully flavor the stock.

Drain using a fine mesh strainer.  Cover and refrigerate stock.  Chop mushrooms and put into separate container.  Seal and place in fridge.

Preparation:

Preheat oven to 325.

Make roux-Melt butter and stir in flour. Cook on medium low until it turns peanut butter-colored.  Take off heat and set aside.

Place a couple scoops of flour in a zip top bag.  Drop in oxtails, and shake until completely coated.

In a large, heavy pot with a lid, melt butter with olive oil, and heat until is shimmers.  Brown meat on all sides.

Remove oxtails and set aside.

Put mushrooms and onions into the pot and brown in the fat left from meat.

Sautee until lightly browned.  Add tomato paste, garlic, thyme and bay leaves.  Cook until garlic’s softened and tomato paste has darkened.

Pour in Sherry and cook on medium until it’s completely cooked off and no liquid remains.

Stir in stock, horseradish and porcini powder.  When it boils, whisk in enough roux to bring to gravy thickness.

Put oxtails back in, cover and place into oven.  Cook for 3 1/2 hours. 

Serve tails and gravy over rice.

Makes 4 very hearty servings.

After my oxtail adventures, I know one thing for sure.  From this day forward I shall haunt every meat department in Durham for future sales on this crazy, delicious cut of meat.Next week: Round 2 of “Would you rather?” chef edition.

Thanks for your time.

When I was seven years old, I almost literally died of embarrassment.

We had gone to a mall for some shopping.  When it was time to eat, my parents chose Piccadilly Cafeteria.

To understand this story, you have to know something about my childhood.  My parents made June and Ward Cleaver look like Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.  Dinner was precisely at 5:30 every evening and always homemade.  On the supremely rare occasion that we ate out, it was either a diner or a burger joint.

So Piccadilly, with its cloth napkins, and classical music, was the epitome of total sophistication.  In my eyes, we were dining at Versailles.

Consequently, I was practicing my fanciest manners.

For some bizarre reason, I’d chosen a hard-boiled egg for part of my meal.  At home I would pick it up with my hand, and take a bite.  But I couldn’t do that at this glamorous watering hole.  So I speared it with my fork, and put the whole thing in my mouth.

And promptly got it stuck in my throat.

There was no way I would be so gauche as to choke to death or even call attention to myself in such splendid surroundings.  So, with bulging eyes, and sweaty brow, I struggled heroically, and finally forced it down.

Although my appetite for hard-boiled eggs was considerably diminished, my appetite for cafeteria-style restaurants was not.  Even though most Piccadilly’s are but a fond memory, I still enjoy grabbing a tray and bellying up to the steam tables at similar eateries.

There are a couple of dishes that I choose over and over.  They usually have pretty amazing shoe peg corn. My big brother Homer turned me on to fries with gravy.  And 90% of the time my entrée is country-style steak.  I just love the soft pillow-like coating, and the creamy brown sauce.

A few years ago I figured out how to duplicate it at home.

Country-style steak

1 pound cube steak

Flour for coating and ¼ cup for roux

¼ cup butter

Oil for frying

1 pound mushrooms, cleaned

1 yellow onion

1 tablespoon tomato paste

½ cup sherry

4 cups beef stock

1-2 tablespoons horseradish

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1 ½ teaspoons dried thyme

2 teaspoons sugar

Salt and pepper to taste

Bread steak: place heavily seasoned flour in bag, put in one piece of meat at a time, and shake to coat.  Put steak on parchment covered plate and refrigerate until ready to cook.  Save bag of flour.

Make roux: In small skillet melt butter and whisk in ¼ cup flour.  Turn to medium-low.  Cook until peanut butter colored.  Remove from heat and set aside.

Prep ingredients: Slice mushrooms, chop onions, and assemble rest of ingredients.

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.  Put large heavy pot on a burner set to medium-high and add about ¼ inch oil.  Flour steaks one more time, then brown each on both sides.  Remove from pot and set aside.

Put in ‘shrooms and onions, and cook until lightly caramelized.  Add tomato paste and cook for 2-3 minutes.  Deglaze with sherry and allow to cook out.  Add rest of ingredients, except roux and steak.  Bring to boil, and whisk in enough roux to make a light gravy.

Lay meat into pot, making sure gravy covers it.  Cover and bake for one hour. Serves 4.

Buttermilk mashed potatoes and black-eyed peas are the perfect sides for this dish.  Although your body and your cardiologist might appreciate a green salad tucked in there somewhere.

Thanks for your time.