Central Elementary School ensured that my taste for rice is kind of messed up.
Before high school graduation, I’d attended five schools. Some had really terrific food, and some had horrendous food (I’m looking at you, Northeastern). But Central was a horse of a different flavor. All comfort food, all the time.
Their rice was cooked until it was really soft. Surrounding it was a starchy, glutinous shroud that bound it together. The cafeteria ladies used an ice cream scoop. And it held that shape until our forks broke into it for the first bite.
I loved it. By itself, or enrobed in their thick, brown (maybe beef?) gravy. It was a savory snuggle from puppies wearing flannel pajamas.
But, I decided cooking rice was hard. So, for many years I made that boil-in-a-bag version. One night I was cooking, but not thinking, and cut the top off the bag and poured it right into the water.
Spoiler alert—it’s just as bland and unappetizing as it is cooked in the bag.
Costco membership broke me out of the bag. When we joined, we’d buy everything that seemed to be an especially good deal. And forty pounds of rice for twelve bucks is a great deal. On a not unrelated note, if you know anybody who needs a ten-gallon vat of pickled lima beans, have them drop me a line.
Making regular rice from scratch isn’t hard, but lots of people psych themselves out. They think it’ll burn, not cook through, or be sticky (not a bad thing for me).
To make perfect rice, put uncooked rice in a fine mesh sieve. Rinse it under cool water until the water runs clear; this gets rid of a lot of starch and helps keep the grains separate.
Put it in a sturdy saucepan with a lid and add water, using a 1-part rice to 1.5-parts water ratio. Add a teaspoon or so of salt, a couple cracks of pepper, and if desired, a pat of butter, or drizzle of oil.
Bring it to a boil, cover, lower heat to medium-low and cook for 17 minutes, then check for doneness. When the rice is tender and all the water’s gone, turn off the heat, leave covered and let sit for 15 minutes. This will set the starch so they’re individual grains that aren’t demolished when you take a spoon to them.
If you actually like elementary school glue-iness, don’t rinse and use a 1 part rice to 2.25 parts water.
There is a delicious tradition from Spain that you may like to try. It’s called socarrat. It comes from the word, socarrar, which means to singe, or toast. After the water has absorbed and the rice is cooked, turn it down to low for another 10-15 minutes. Do Not Stir. Then let it sit covered off heat for the fifteen. This will give you a crispy delicious crust on the bottom that folks in the know will literally fight for.
You can also spread a cup of rice into a lightly buttered skillet and press it down flat. Cook it on very low until it’s browned and crispy on one side, then flip and do the other side. Put it in a warm oven and make another one. Then put something delicious between the two and cut into wedges for service. Anything from cheesecake filling and cherries to chorizo, grilled veggies and cheese.So, don’t be afraid of cooking rice. And good grief, even if you do mess up, it’s only rice—feed it to the dog. The rice squad will not show up to your house and cart you off—I promise.
Thanks for your time.
This week there isn’t much snappy patter or witty bon mots. The room I would normally use has been taken up by a recipe from Julia Child. It’s got a lot of steps but none of them are hard.
Julia Child’s Tian de Courgettes Au Riz (Zucchini Tian)
Rub the squash against the coarse side of a grater, and place grated flesh in a colander set over a bowl.
While the shredded zucchini is draining (reserve the juices,) drop the rice into boiling salted water, bring rapidly back to the boil, and boil exactly 5 minutes; drain and set aside.
Gradually stir in 2 1/2 cups warm liquid (zucchini juices plus milk, heated gently in a pan — don’t let it get so hot that the milk curdles!). Make sure the flour is well blended and smooth.
Thanks for your time.
I kept thinking.
My version of the sauce contains mushrooms, garlic, Marsala, and enough cream to supply Starbucks for weeks. It’s as rich as Lady Gaga’s wig maker and as caloric as a day at the state fair.
In the end, I decided to try something new, and once more use my unsuspecting family as guinea pigs. I would make twice baked stuffed potatoes, but use rice instead of potatoes.
1 ½ cups uncooked long-grain rice
But hey, go nuts. You know, actually nuts would probably be pretty darn good in the rice.
There’s just one problem. Inside that can of soup is five thousand ingredients, each of which has at least twelve unpronounceable syllables. And oy, the sodium–it’s really problematic for people who have heath issues like high blood pressure. But even if you’re otherwise fit, with enough sodium you could wake up so bloated you’re mistaken for a parade float.
Black rice, or forbidden rice, comes in almost as many varieties as white. It’s crazy healthy with more antioxidants than blueberries, and tons of fiber, iron, and vitamin E. The Chinese believe it’s very good for the kidneys, stomach, and liver. Like brown rice, it’s nutty and a little chewy. Unlike brown rice, Petey happily eats it.
The first thing I did was to tell Petey that tonight’s dinner would be a total experiment, and if things went south we might be dining on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.






