I Resolve

Here’s something I’ll bet you didn’t know:

If you don’t complete a New Year’s resolution before midnight on December 31st, it’s totally legal to roll it over to the next year.

Which is great for me because I’ve been working on burping the entire alphabet for about twelve years now.But I do have some fresh ones for 2019.

The majority of people do not get out of bed in the morning hoping to hurt and cause harm to their fellow humans.  Most actions, regardless of repercussion, make perfect sense to those committing them.  I need to always keep this in mind.  I will strive to be more understanding and forgiving.On the flip side, I need to consider the consequences of my actions.  Before I let rip with a one-liner which is hilarious in my head, I must put myself in the other’s shoes, and determine how that witticism would impact my feelings.

I will try to remember that an entire party-size bag of Utz dark russet chips is more than one serving.  A Cook-out milkshake isn’t the AMA’s recommend method for women to get their calcium.  And no matter how hard I wish, frosting is not a food group.I need to speak much less and listen more.  There is no telling what truths and wisdoms I never heard because what I wanted to say had to be said immediately.  How many people were there that needed me to just shut up and receive the trust of which they felt I was worthy?  How many moments of intimacy and human connection did I damage or destroy because I thought my words were more important than theirs?492I promise to regularly venture outside my comfort zone.  At least three times in the coming year I will read books from unfamiliar numbers of the Dewey decimal system.  I will sample more than ten new foods.  Listen to unfamiliar musical genres and watch movies that I would not normally see.  And, each month try an increasingly spicy dish.

Solange Knowles-The Queen of Fierce

I will do things that scare me.  Like wear mixed patterns or purple lipstick.  I’ll rock sequins or sparkle during the day (but not both at the same time, I’m not Liberace for heaven’s sake).  I’ll leave the house in heels with no back-up flats.  I’ll buy a bathing suit and wear it at the appropriate public venue.I will acknowledge that my judgement is not superior to the rest of the planet.  No more lessons, lectures, or pointing out the errors of the ways of my fellow man.  On a related note, I am also not the hall monitor of the world.  If it’s not hurting anyone, what other folks do is none of my business.  Although, I do reserve the right to point and laugh—discretely.

I’ll accept that I am not the world’s leading authority on anything or anyone except myself.  And I still get me wrong on a regular basis.

crowley snowface

My dog, the tank.

I will try to be a bit more careful when playing with Crowley, my 110-pound Akita puppy who’s built like a tank.  My goal is to eliminate all black eyes and busted lips, and vastly reduce my number of concussion protocols.And finally, be more grateful.  For everything.  For the good things in my life; but that’s easy.  I want to be grateful for the tough things in my life, because those are the things that temper the soul, make us stronger, and give us confidence once on the other side.

In that vein, Gentle Reader, I want to make sure that each and every one of you know how very, very much I deeply appreciate you, and your time.

Graditude Light

I was convinced healthy food was a complete and total snooze, and to be avoided at all costs.

Until I actually began eating it.  There’s some pretty tasty and healthy stuff out there.

I loathed country music and was certain there was nothing for me in the entire genre.Until I discovered Patsy Cline, and listened to Van Morrison’s “Pay the Devil”.

And in the same vein, new age-y touchy feely stuff leaves me very cold.  If I’m wandering around the interweb and see an article entitled, “Three Reasons Why People Are Not Successful in Transforming their State of Being Whilst Performing the Transform Feelings Process.” or “How to Awaken Your Psychic Power to Feel Your Aura”, it makes me want to eat some mayonnaise and lay down for a while.

Except…There is one principle of the crystal crowd with which, like Riker,  I do indeed concur! Wholeheartedly!—gratitude.  Taking things for granted and believing that good things are owed to you breeds arrogance and narcissism.

Acknowledging the good things in your life increases your happiness, fosters compassion, and builds humility.  And quite frankly, just about everybody could use a dose of humility.

And I do appreciate the big things like Mother Earth, and the brotherhood of man.  And the small things like a baby’s laugh and the feeling of the warm sun on your face after a long, hard winter.  I mean, who doesn’t?

But I’m also thankful for the small, less noble things.  In other words; the simple, shallow gifts in our lives.Good hair days.  When you temporarily defeat your cowlick or your roots aren’t showing or being frizz-less on a humid day, or your thin hair has volume, or your thick hair is as shiny and sleek as an otter.

Frosting.  Creamy chocolate, airy marshmallow, glossy ganache, and complex, robust, yet delicate vanilla are but a fraction of the varieties available to top your cake, or in my case, spoon, finger, or shot glass.  Whoever it was who decided to mix fat and sweet, then put it on top of stuff rivals the collective genius of the Wright brothers, Guttenberg, and Da Vinci.

A really good bargain.  The Kid and I have an ongoing competition to see who can get the best, most unbelievable sale price.  Recently I got a $50 skirt for $6.99, and a $60 hair tool for $2.50.  No fooling.  I’ll be in a rocking chair at the home before my child tops those discounts.A good, old fashioned gothic romance.  They’re formulaic, silly fun.  Give me a mysterious mansion, a misunderstood lord of the manor, a malevolent, demented retainer, and a plucky, orphaned heroine.  Throw in some shameful secrets and a few murder attempts and I’m in pulpy, paperback heaven.

Freshly laundered flannel sheets, and new, warm-from-the-dyer sweats.  They smell good and feel like a cozy caress.  Some people like shiny and slippery, but I’m a warm and fuzzy girl, and proud of it.And, Little Sweet; the tiny, glam rocker played by the original American Idol winner, Justin Guarrini.  You’ll catch him riding miniature horses, washing his delicates, and acting as pool toy in Diet Dr. Pepper ads.  That little lil’ guy just cracks me up, every single time.

Sometimes life can just flat out stink.  And sometimes stress and strife can make you wonder if things will always be so darn hard.  Sometimes, on those days, the only enthusiasm you can work up is for clean sheets after a warm shower.

So, go right ahead and then get a good night’s sleep.  Because, you never know, tomorrow might bring frosting with it.Thanks for your time.