10:00 AM-Go outside to walk the dog. Spot a neighbor out in his yard. Very excited to see a fresh face. Begin waving vigorously.
10:02 AM-Wave so vigorously I fall off the porch.
10:10 AM-Disinfect and bandage abrasion on arm. Also, left shoe missing.
10:15 AM-Walk the dog. While walking, yellow pollen makes throat scratchy. Notice an ever-larger circle of social distancing after each cough. One woman grabs child, picks up dog and trots in the opposite direction.
11:00-11:20 AM-Eat potato chips.
11:20-11:30 AM-Eat M&M’s.
12:01 PM-Eat lunch.
12:35 PM-Decide to take care of my skin during confinement. Enjoy a facial slathering on every expensive skin product I own, along with the much more expensive samples I’ve received.
1:15 PM-Think about writing, vacuuming or organizing closet. Decide to organize closet. Once upstairs, change mind and take a nap.
1:27 PM-Product encrusted face keeps sliding off pillow, making sleep impossible,
1:31 PM-Wash approximately thirty-eight dollars worth of lotions and unguents from face.
3:40 PM-Once awake, lay on bed and consider various topics for columns. Drift off again.
4:15 PM-Awake again, take a look at the inside of the closet to plan organization. Envision a finished closet that has been so amazingly ordered it resembles an Ikea-designed storage system, using only what is already owned.
4:16 PM-Change mind and go downstairs.
4:17 PM-Have a snack of potato chips and M&M’s.
4:30 PM-Petey leaves the room. Hide remote control to hopefully bring to end a constantly changing montage of thirty-five-year-old college basketball games interspersed with bits of the Grace Jones Mad Max movie, a Gene Hackman suspense movie from the eighties, and I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.
4:41 PM-Petey finds the remote.
4:45-6:00 PM-Look for rain boots on Amazon.
6:15 PM-Take the dog for a walk.
6:40 PM-Stop at fenced playground for Crowley to get a chance to run around off-leash. It’s dusk, so take the opportunity to swing on the swings. Swing as high as possible for an exhilarating ten minutes, only stopping when I notice curious neighbors study the swinging spectacle through their upstairs windows.
6:53 PM-Head for home.
7:10 PM-Try to decide for dinner. Have settled on two choices-a balsamic dressed salad of mixed greens, shaved red onion, Chapel Hill Creamery’s farmer’s cheese, toasted pecans, and dried fruits. Or half a bottle of coffee liqueur dumped on a freezer-burned Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. Then I have to decide what to make for Petey.
8:30 PM-Alphabetize jams and jellies in refrigerator. Am surprised to learn marionberry is one word so will place under “m” rather than by last name of “b”. Dicey moment occurs when having trouble deciding whether to categorize Ikea-purchased jam under “L” for lingonberry or “S” for sylt lingon, its Swedish-language name.
9:30 PM-Do a load of towels, and a load of clothing, which consists entirely of fuzzy socks, sweats, and pajamas.
10:45 PM-Play six hands of double solitaire with Petey. As usual, he denies cheating, but wins five out of the six.
11:35-12:55 PM- Look for rain boots on Amazon.
1:05 PM-Read issue of the UK version of Cosmopolitan magazine. Now have in-depth knowledge of British drugstore lipstick. Am informed of the dangers of counterfeit alcohol in Southeast Asia vacation destinations. Know the going rates of Scottish gigolos and how to hire one as an escort to an Edinburgh wedding, and where to purchase a hat for said festivities.
2:15 AM-Have a snack of Oreos dunked in the remaining half bottle of coffee liqueur.
3:00 AM-Watch ten-year-old videos of sheepdog trials in New Zealand. Now have a true understanding of what bored really is.
Thanks for your time.
Contact debbie at email@example.com.