Fixing Taters

May 4, 2020 / momsequitur / 2 Comments

The best way to remedy a dish you’ve oversalted is by putting a potato into the pot; it absorbs the extra salinity.

But what if you’re cooking potatoes?

You’re probably gonna need a different plan.

A week or so ago, I bought a bag of baby potatoes. From what I could see, they looked like fingerlings. I would cut them in half length-wise, roast, and serve with super bright and puckery lemon mayo.

Before I cooked them, I took a Denver steak, and some of the spuds to my still self-isolating Kid. My child later told me that they were too small to roast like I was thinking, so they were stewed instead.

The Matthews family band loves old school Southern stewed potatoes. But I’ve never made the classic type. I use a method that evolved from a potato recipe from Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa.

The Food Network chef has a recipe for herbed new potatoes. The procedure is similar, but the end result is crispy and if you’re not hyper-vigilant, it can stick to the bottom, then fall apart when serving.

Our procedure produces a creamy spud that more closely resembles a Southern stewed potato, only there’s no need to peel and cut them up before cooking.

I called The Kid after dinner and asked how dinner was. Unfortunately, the spuds were over salted.

I couldn’t help myself.

“You know how to fix over-salted food, don’t you?”

In an eminently weary voice that left no doubt of The Kid’s thoughts about having a hilarious mother, my child replied, “Yeah, you throw in a potato.”

I swear, I am a walking punchline…wait…I’m a really funny mom, that’s it.

After pausing so my child could finish busting a gut and appreciating the comic genius that is Mom, I said, “…or, you could have added lemon.” The Kid and I are lemon fiends. If it doesn’t take our breath away and bring a tear to our eyes, it needs more.

Lemon juice is very acidic. Which means it needs lots of salt. If lemon juice is in a recipe, you have to up the salt to compete with the lemon. If The Kid had added lemon juice to the spuds, it would have probably balanced the salt.

When I made the potatoes for Petey and me, I decided to try the lemon in them. I had to go easy because my husband isn’t the fan The Kid and I are.

But he’s a very lucky man. Because in addition to all the delicious eats I create, he lives with a woman who every utterance is pure comedy gold.

Thanks for your time.

Contact debbie at d@bullcity.mom.

Sorta Stewed Lemony Potatoes

3 pounds red or yellow new potatoes

½ cup water

2 heaping teaspoons chicken base, like Better Than Bouillon

2 bay leaves

½ teaspoon dry thyme

½ teaspoon mustard powder

Salt & pepper

Juice from half a lemon

¼ cup garlic chives, sliced thinly

And/Or

¼ cup finely chopped herbs of your choice

Wash potatoes and cut in half any very large ones. In large heavy pot with a lid, stir together the first six ingredients. Give it a good pinch of salt and pepper.

Cover and cook at medium medium-low until the potatoes are tender, but before the liquid has all cooked out (12-18 minutes).

Take off lid and cook until the pan is dry and there are browned bits on the bottom of the pot.

Remove from heat and add lemon juice. Stir in until a saucy glaze has formed and the brown bits are off the bottom and in the sauce.

Stir in herbs and serve. 4 servings.

Quarantine Thoughts #5

April 28, 2020 / momsequitur / 4 Comments

Snakey Snakes

April 28, 2020April 29, 2020 / momsequitur / 2 Comments

Back when Fayetteville Street in Raleigh was closed to car traffic, one Saturday a friend and I went to the NC Natural History Museum. We parked near one end of Fayetteville St. and had to walk to the other end, to the old site of the museum, the Agriculture Building.

These days, the street is busy, vibrant, and hip, with sushi joints, TV studios, and cocktail lounges. Back then, it was Monday-Friday offices, furniture stores, and a lot of vacant buildings with boarded-up windows. It was a Chanel suit at a bait shop—ignored and unappreciated.

Honestly, the street was so deserted, it was kinda creepy. It felt post-apocalyptic.

At the museum, we wandered around looking at dioramas, stuffed animals, and rocks.

I turned a corner when it happened.

I was suddenly looking into the eyes of a gigantic, very alive, giant Burmese python.

At that moment, the only thing in the world was a massive serpent so close to me we could have slow-danced. I felt as if I had been transformed to the thinnest of glass, liable to shatter at the softest breeze. I wanted to run, scream, and throw the darn thing out the window all at the same time. But I couldn’t do any of those things.

Because you see, Gentle Reader, I am phobic. I was frozen and speechless. My friend, Angel, lived up to her name that day. She gave the snake handler the dirtiest of looks, and while angrily muttering about “snake ambushes”, guided me away.

That was the end of our day. I spent the rest of the day shuddering, feeling like I was about to upchuck, and needing a shower.

On the drive home, Angel didn’t ask me if I was phobic, it was sadly all too obvious. She asked me if I knew how I became that way.

I told her I had no idea, that I had been that way as long as I could remember.

Years, later, when telling a story that happened when I was four or five, I realized that this was probably the origin story of my abject terror of serpents of any stripe or type.

One day, while living in Mobile, my big brother Homer and I were in the backyard playing ball. I muffed a catch and the ball went into the shoulder-high (to a kindergartener) weeds behind our yard.

I ran into the thicket and reached down for the ball. And froze. Homer yelled to get the ball but I couldn’t.

The ball had landed right next to what seemed to me, an enormous, coiled, viper. I whisper-shouted, “Snake!”. Homer ordered me to freeze and ran to get Dad. I froze.

After what seemed like days, Dad and Homer came running up. Dad had a shovel that he used to dispatch the snake, which turned out to be of the garter variety.

*Even this little bastard almost takes my breath away.*

But it terrified me. And an episode that occurred not long after the discovery of fire was burned, forever, upon my soul. I can still remember every detail of the day. I can smell the dried grass and see the sunlight flash off the shiny shovel as it came down. And I can feel the mindless, primal fear.

I was also left with one more thing. When I get frightened, I neither fight, nor flight.

I freeze. My ability to move, as well as the power of speech, desert me. I hate it.

So, when the zombies show up, get behind me.

You’ll have plenty of time for escape. ‘Cause I’ll be standing there in suspended animation, like an all-you-eat debbie buffet.

Thanks for your time.

Contact debbie at d@bullcity.mom.

Heidi, Cuckoo Clocks, and Enchiladas

April 28, 2020 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

The sad, grubby little clipping had been stuck on the fridge forever. I’d torn the recipe from some magazine months, or even a year ago.

But the last time we were in Costco, I decided I was going to put up or shut up. I’d give that recipe a try. So, I bought one of their roast chickens.

I’d like to stop right here, for a moment, and talk about the rotisserie chickens at the supermarket.

I think a few years ago a law must have been passed that every grocery store in the country has to sell a roasted chicken.

Costco has one of the best clucker deals around. For 5 bucks you get something so large, it might possibly have been a pterodactyl.

I got 8 cups of meat from the one I bought. Since I only needed 3 cups, I froze a large zip bag of the rest. I made a big pot of pasta with some of it, and a bunch of chicken salad with the rest. So for $5, I got meat for 8 meals, counting leftovers.

But, back to the recipe.

*When I attended, it was “Junior High”.*

When I was in the ninth grade, all the kids who had taken Spanish for 3 years went to Mexico for spring break. We visited Mexico City, Jalapa; a university town, and Veracruz; a beach town.

Most of the meals we ate were at the hotels, as part of the package. But one night in Veracruz we went to a restaurant and ordered off a large menu. One of our chaperons ordered fish, and a whole fish (eyeballs and all) was brought to him. I’d never seen anything like it in my life. Freaked me right out.

I finally picked something that the other kids assured me wouldn’t be too spicy for my famously wimpy palate—enchiladas Suizas de pollo (Swiss chicken enchiladas).

They were brought out to me, and my classmates were right on the money. They were zippy, but not crazy-hot. There was an abundance of cheese and sour cream (which is why they are called “Swiss”). I loved them. They have become one of my favorite Mexican meals.

The recipe I cut from the forgotten magazine was a casserole that had a hot red sauce and was a riff on tamales. But I don’t do hot sauce, and once I had changed ingredients, added stuff, and made it my own, the experience was very much like my beloved enchiladas Suizas. The casserole was easy to assemble, and could be done in stages. The traditional enchiladas are more labor intensive and the results are not always consistent. The casserole gave me all the flavor and texture, without the work and drama.

*Recipe note: I used homemade guacatillo sauce, or you can buy some from your local Mexican restaurant. A very good bottled alternative is La Victoria mild green taco sauce. Also, I split the casserole into two 8X8 pans. One pan I finished cooking and we ate that night. The other I got to the point of the second bake, wrapped it up tightly, and froze it.

Chicken enchilada Suiza casserole

1-8 ½ oz. package Jiffy corn muffin mix

1-14 ¾ oz. can creamed corn

1-4 oz. can green chiles, drained

2 eggs lightly beaten

½ cup milk

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspoon Goya bitter orange adobo

2 cups shredded cheddar or pepper jack cheese

2-3 cups guacatillo sauce

3 cups shredded cooked chicken (white and dark meat)

Sour Cream

Preheat oven to 400°. Spray 13X9 pan with cooking spray.

In a large bowl mix first 7 ingredients and 1 cup cheese. Pour into pan and bake for 20 minutes.

Remove from oven, and pierce casserole about 12 times with sharp knife. Spread guacatillo over top. Scatter chicken over, and cover with the rest of the cheese. Bake for 20 minutes. Let rest out of oven for 10 minutes, then slice and serve. Makes 8 servings.

I was delighted with the finished dish; we loved it. Poor old Petey overindulged, and got a bit of a tummy ache. But not too much of one, because at lunch the next day I nuked the last slice for him, and he happily devoured it.

Thanks for your time.

Contact debbie at d@bullcity.mom.

Quarantine Thoughts #4

April 22, 2020April 22, 2020 / momsequitur / 1 Comment

Quarantine Shame

April 21, 2020 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

“How many likes did you get in the quarantine, Grandma?”

If you had to pick a time period in which to be quarantined, now is actually a pretty convenient time.

With high-speed internet access, computers, and smartphones, you can contact almost anyone on the planet. With the plethora and variety of companies that deliver to your front door, it’s much easier to not leave the house.

Just this week, I finished The Kid’s birthday shopping, got a new trashcan for my station wagon, and had a doctor’s appointment. The Kid played bar trivia, had a beer with old friends, played a board game, and met with co-workers.

All without leaving the house, or having anyone over.

But in the true spirit of yin and yang, there’s also a dark side to that wifi. I’m talking about those camera-ready folks who are masters of social media. The kind of folks who post photos of perfectly lit rainbow avocado toast captioned, “Breakfast on the run.”, pics of themselves standing in front of a Greek sunset captioned, “Blessed”, and a perfect Princess birthday party captioned, “Threw it together this morning.”

Under normal circumstances, this crowd is mildly irritating.

But during quarantine, when even the most stable personalities are operating with some level of anxiety and depression, those people make me feel like a complete, glow in the dark loser.

Some guy named Thomas Cervetti who lives in Malaysia “was bored during quarantine”. So he and his equally bored family decided to gather up all the bath towels in the house and make an elaborate stop action surfing movie. It looks like the love child of Peter Gabriel’s 1986 Sledge Hammer video and the classic surf movie, Endless Summer.

Truthfully, it’s a creative, adorable, and highly entertaining diversion.

Using only bath towels.

Here’s my fancy quarantine plan for our bath towels at Chez Matthews: getting them out of the washer and into the dryer before they get moldy.

A couple spent an entire day making a rodent-sized art museum for their pet gerbils. Smaller than playing cards, there were “Vincent van Gogh” canvasses, a furry little “Mona Lisa”, and some pretty impressive impressionist paintings.

Again, adorable. Especially the photos of the gerbils standing around them, looking like art critics. All they need are tiny little glasses of cheap, warm Champagne.

I’ve been artistically serving our dinner on matching plates and coordinating my hair elastics with my sweatshirt.

Actually, I haven’t put a whole lot of effort into the ponytail holder thing. Tonight the tie I have in is an entirely different shade of blue than my shirt.

Someone else designed and sewed a bunch of felt dolls. That may sound mundane, but these dolls look exactly like every single member of her entire extended family. Now she has the cutest soft, fuzzy family facsimiles to share her quarantine with.

When I try to sew a button back onto something, I usually end up needing a quick trip to urgent care and seven or eight stitches.

One family has a small door that leads to a space under the stairs that’s used as a dog house for their gorgeous Golden Doodle, Rusty. They decided to spend some of their quarantine time going all canine curb appeal on it. They put in a tiny leaded glass front door, vintage-style mailbox, a porch light sconce that looks like it’s straight from Pottery Barn, and a faux window with attached window box full of blooms. There is a painted, weathered sign with his address: 7878 Doodle Drive.

And I’m sitting here covered in Crowley fur and dog slobber feeling about as creative as a mimeograph machine.

Thanks for your time.

Contact debbie at d@bullcity.mom.

The Wacky Life

April 21, 2020 / momsequitur / Leave a comment

Normally, Gentle Reader, I try to mix up the recipes I give you.

While I could live (for a short time) on a diet consisting solely of birthday cake and potato salad, most humans aren’t quite as highly evolved as myself. So, if I give you a roast beef one week, I wouldn’t give you roast pork the following week.

The same runs true for dessert. Usually, I’d never give them to you two weeks in a row, never mind three.

But, I think we can all agree that these times are anything but normal.

So, for the third week in a row, I’ve got dessert for you. Sometimes you just need either chocolate or massive quantities of alcohol. And, since they both have lots of calories, I had to make a decision. And, while every once in a while I enjoy a spiritous beverage or two, I am firmly team chocolate.

This week it’s chocolate cake—my mom’s wacky cake.

Continuing the cooking from the larder of the last two weeks, this cake can probably be made with ingredients on hand. It was a treat developed during the Great Depression when money was tight and continued through WWII when ingredients were literally rationed.

There are no eggs, no butter, and it’s mixed, baked, and served in the same pan.

Traditionally, the cake doesn’t call for frosting—sometimes a sprinkling of powdered sugar. But, there isn’t a cake on the planet that can’t be made better by a healthy addition of frosting.

My mom would have this cake waiting for us when we got home from school, as a surprise.

I guess you could have it waiting for your family when they come in from the other room. Or you could use it as a bribe/reward.

Do you happen to need the garage cleaned out? Or the car washed, or weeds pulled?

Just saying…

Take care and stay safe.

Thanks for your time.

Contact debbie at d@bullcity.mom.

Wacky Cake

1 ½ cups flour

1 cup sugar

3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa (I like Hershey’s special dark, but use whatever you have on hand)

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon vinegar (any type)

¼ cup + 2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup cold water-You can replace some or all of the water with cold coffee, espresso, cola or root beer.

Preheat oven to 350°. Grease and flour 8 or 9 inch round cake pan. Put dry ingredients in cake pan. make a well-like indentation in center. Pour in liquids, and mix with a fork just until the batter comes together. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean, but slightly moist. Leave in pan.